Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Relieved!

Dad and Mum asked me how I was feeling after I quit and I could only say that I felt relieved. I'm glad that I Its strange that they seem more concerned about me now, about my work, than previously about my studies. Perhaps they are more experienced in this area. I'm really looking forward to the new job and I just hope that everything turns out well. I have some plans as to what to do, being relatively free now! In fact the next few days are chock-ful with appointments I previously did not have time for.

I still need some time to myself, and to rest well.... to seek God. My body needs to regain its optimum health which has not been maintained since the dengue illness. Hair loss is minimal now, almost unnoticeable. Prepping myself up for the camp, going for a 1 meal fast for 3 days starting yesterday... it was good to take some time off to pray yesterday, although I do drift...

I feel that me and Hedge are drifting apart. Perhaps it's natural. All along, I've never really been reassured that it's going to work out, that both will be happy. He's always busy. Maybe I can't accept that or I'm afraid that I will be closer to other people and develop feelings for them because of that. I'm afraid to look deep into my heart and disturb the things that have been lying at the bottom of the surface. Cuz when I do that, I'll be indecisive, and then withdraw from the people I love. Sometimes all I need is time and a listening ear, but the people who provide it, unfortunately, are the ones I have no likings for. It's 3 more short weeks to the end of June. In the meantime, I must get things settled!