Everyone longs for someone

Glad to see a long email from Ches in my mailbox today. He's headed to Boston from the Virgin Islands now. I emailed him some of the stuff I posted recently, as he's such an avid reader and I thought it would be nice... help him to see how I view life, too.

He wrote back that:

"...i did feel a fair amount of connection with some of the stuff you wrote, i guess it's what goes through most young ppl's minds. but as for now, 'relationship' is a far away from my mind. why? God hasn't showed me anyone yet..... the usual reasons. i wouldn't say that they're excuses and that i'm secretly longing for someone special; with the life that i'm living now, almost all forms of intimate relationships (e.g. with my mom, close friends) have been sort of on hold, lying dormant. for better or worse, it's as if i've been able to detach that part of me when i leave for sea, storing it safely in some repository, ready to be re-attached as i leave for home. and everytime i do that i feel i lose a bit of my 'emotional sensitivity,' for want of a better word."

I somehow felt so sad after I read that - the honestly, and the depth of emotion summed up in a way I never could. Doesn't everyone long for someone? These days, I've been wondering about something Jelly said - he just spoke out his thoughts absentmindedly, thinking aloud whether a decision is the right one, as he hasn't heard from God yet. I guess, in that sense, he is more spiritual than I am, for countless decisions I've made, I did not consult God per se or even pray about it thoroughly. I do want to tell him though that sometimes - many times, God does not answer audibly - like the way He answered me, when I was making that same decision, a few years back. God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called. I would like to tell him that yes, just decide, it is correct, I sense God calling you; but then again, how can I be so sure, and how can he base that decision on the trust of my words - a person he doesn't even know well?

Wanted to encourage Jelly to take that step of faith, in believing for the best outcome - but words failed me yet again; and I could only smile, in the silent comprehension of a common understanding between two people who are trying to be godly, and trying to do what is right.

Categories: love, relationships, reminiscence