Meandering in the secret garden, a place once found

Certain people just need some time spent with them - an undivided, quality attention time; and they will tell you bits and snippets of their life, that, when you leave, you feel as though a part of their souls have been safely deposited with you. And you leave, peaceful in the fact that you part a little bit closer, having a deeper understanding of each other, and of how that friendship came to be.

That is the way it is, with me. And with you too. Or so I thought. Perhaps I was oblivious to the way we did not manage to find our way together, or the times that we clashed, I took it as playful banter. But time and again, I became disappointed as I looked for a time, an opportunity to share my thoughts, but you unseemingly brushed these away, as if they were of no consequence. Felt irritatingly hurt at your insensitive comments which I knew you didn't mean, but saying it out anyways had no positive effects on me.

Then I remembered, that it was not always like this. A few short months ago, you used to only have kind words for me - now, your tongue seems brusque. Previously, all I wanted to do was to spend some time chatting with you, for I loved your wise advice and gentle friendliness. Now, your crappiness irritate me, and I am really affected, although I try to take things easy. But I could never tell you that - nor would you take it, in the right spirit.

I know you're not like me, not the sort that would share life stories with everyone - you're reserved... but, it seems as though, when once, I was part of the elite forces of your soul, now, I'm a guest, restricted to the outer courts of your heart. We did have deep meaningful sharings once. Not too long ago. And in the amount of time you took to open up to me, it seems all is inconsequential now due to the state of your thinking. Perhaps it is subconscious - I'd like to think that you don't even know the changes which surfaced in yourself these past months. Maybe an unforeseen incident triggered off some painful past hurts so you put a wall up again. I'm tired of trying, too.

Why are you so guarded? I thought, I was someone you wanted to share with. Maybe, I'm wrong.

It hurts when I see someone I care about very much driving me away, intentionally or not.
My natural response would be to condemn you as not being worthy of my time or energy, and devote my resources to others. But I cannot forget, the times where you looked out for me, the fact that you are still praying faithfully for me. Let me know you more, I'd certainly cherish it - and our friendship, no matter what.