Come and make, my heart, Your home

God always speaks to me in amazing ways, through people, through songs, through daily activities. It's been a tough week for me generally; emotionally so drained because of all the conflicting feelings - happy and stressed at the same time, worrying, but knowing God wil provide, just not knowing when, and how... There is a testimony in the making; if God-willing, actually two testimonies. Being now in this 'valley' though is not a nice feeling at all. I prayed/lamented to God, Psalms 121 verse 1, it went something like I look up to the hills for help, where does my help comes from? Where. Where. Where. I need to know, and I need to know it quickly, argh!

And during service one line in the worship song just 'jumped' out at me:
"For Your love, is higher than the heavens...." It is as if God is tapping me on the shoulder and saying gently, Heyyy... Remember that I love you...I see your heart, your desire for things to happen.

In times like these I'm glad to say that I'm never alone. The prayers mean so much to me, when I know friends are keeping me in their hearts. Just sobbed when I heard the children sing worship songs to God - Serving in the 4-6year old group, these kids are really intelligent yet still having the innocent faith. They just sang out loud at the top of their lungs. I thought my singing was already pretty loud, but their voices (and there were not many of them) drowned me out. Listening to this kids made me realise how faith works - I think, their faith is stronger than mine, for the very least, that they believe every word they are singing. And singing it with gusto, with a firm belief that is so lacking, when we grow up.

And Hansel, this really handsome, naughty, active, charming boy... kissed my hand quite a few times. I think I fell in love with him. Oh yes, I kissed him back too. On the cheek. The childlike gesture to show that he likes me touched me so much. Almost felt like doing it to Shiner too, but I'm sure he would be too amused.

I'm still so emotionally drained; probably I've never felt like this or encountered such a situation before - something that I really really want to see happening, the door is open right in front of me, but it's such a tiring journey just to get there. I do wish things could be easier, but at the same time I know that I'll really treasure it when the journey is more difficult. I do like challenges, but I'm afraid emotional ones do not bode well for my mental faculties. Trying not to sigh is already challenging enough. Needing support in the form of prayer for now, I'm thankful for the few people that will rally around me. Keep me in your heart. Whatever the outcome, I will worship Him, with abandon.