I look to the hills for help...

Je soulèverai vers le haut mes yeux aux montagnes, d'où mon aide doit-elle venir ?

...and I am getting very, very stressed.

Still, I'm keeping a song in my heart. That, He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me. How can I stretch my faith? How can I know what is best? How. Who. Why when where what... arh.

I'm happy when I'm busy. Even when complaining that I am busy, this gives me a sort of perverse satisfaction. When I'm busy I don't eat - actually, not that there's no time, just no mood and I don't feel hungry anyways. Which is good, I can survive on little primary-school type biscuits that come in transparent plastic wrappers, little round coins with a yellow one- on top and a brown one below. Realised the reason for the myriad of emotions, it's due to me being on multitask mode, thinking about a million things, work, ministry, people, schedules, dreams, finances, future plans, prayer, reflections, things not yet done, etc all rolled into one big, overlapping, ginormous train of thought that never stops. Heck even before the alarm rings my happily overworked mind is choosing to start the engine before the body warms up. I can actually pray in a subconscious state - aha! That needs a high level. It's either due to the fact that internally I am super stressed, or that I am super holy. Well, the former is true anyways. I need lessons in 'how to hope' when hope is frail... it's time to kill... But there can be miracles, when Rachel believes. For now, I am still positive and I can actually feel some people praying for me, it 'floats' me now. But when reality seems bleak I really don't know how I can hope. Hope is futile, it is a dream, a lavish emotion, wasted on something that is or might be going to take place, but whether it does; is not dependent on hope, but the extenuating circumstances. Hope is the only thing that sustains a positive mindset, for now.

And now I am hoping for two things to come to pass, not just one. For a dream fulfilled. For needs to be met, urgently. For 2 miracles to happen, and then it's testimony time. I'll pray like I've never prayed before, this really stretches my imagination! =)