Saturday, October 08, 2005

Feelings are unimportant

Tak ada sesal.
Tak ada angkasa untuknya.



I could write about how sad I am, but you probably wouldn't care, or wouldn't know what to do or say to me.

I could write about my day, and the many interesting things that happened; but you probably would form an opinion of others through my reading my thoughts, and I don't want that.

Maybe I'd just stop writing. Stop sharing. Stop talking. Isolate myself.

I could tell you that this week was rough, emotionally, and you will think that I'm just another one of those emotional women who cannot control their emotions.

I've made realisations, about myself, that I cannot live with. Figuratively. So, how? I do not WANT to give up.But I do feel like it. Thought about it. Realised that is what I've always done. I've always lived my life the way I wanted it to be - without regrets. That is why, I always DO things, or SAY things. so that, I will not regret one day, that I never did this or said that, and the moment is gone, forever, and I'd be just miserable.

But I realise that, I'm still regretting, the things I did and said. It's a dumb dilemna where I thought I would regret if I did not do and say those things, but when I did, I also regret doing it! Or you would not think like that, maybe I am too retrospective, too analytical, too critical.



He's coming back.

Not that I regret ever meeting him, or praying about things or leaving matters in God's hands. It's just that this time round, the multitude of feelings brings back many flashbacks for me that I'd rather not have. Feelings are unimportant, says Jelly. How I agree.