Brain drain

More often than not, it's less tiring to sort out my thought process first before embarking on anything that requires more than a spur-of-the-moment decision.

Although I do get 'brain-drain' easily. Should eat more brain foods... like banana? Eeuwww. Well been thinking about many things during my daily transport times, from mundane everyday things to wondering about issues that cannot be answered easily to the societal pressures of life here... Can one actually run away from oneself? And can one actually be oblivious to the effect one has on their friends, on their sphere of influence? I hope that I am a person of influence, yet sometimes I just don't want anyone to be impacted by me, by the look on my face, by the things I say or don't say, by the things I do. Sometimes, it's easier to do things when you don't care about the repercussions or when you think no one knows or bothers. It's amazing cuz I think people get headaches from either worrying too much, or thinking too much. I fall in the latter category. I'm shocked at people who never think, who, when I talk about something deep and important to me, they just smile amusedly and say they never think about that, or these thoughts have never occurred to them before. That's why I was sharing with Squirrel, sometimes I feel as though no one understands me. But for Squirrel, I know he always does. That's the difference. The world does not seem so bleak when you can find kindred spirits.

The nightmares doesn't help, either. Just woke up and it is still in my mind. Choosing not to dwell on it!

And having these thoughts that occupy my mind makes me sort of tuned out to society and normal daily activities. Well I guess I like it better this way. A remark from Squirrel made me realise how decadent our Society is, and how extorbitant... Why do we need so much money to survive (here) anyways? Everything is so... decadent... So commercialised. Especially Christmas is commercialised. Can I not buy anything from the shops this year? It's almost impossible. But I want to buy what I truly need, not what they say I should buy. I think I'm running away from the realities of this world. Then again, I have to live with it.