Precious days to March

Love the Lord your God with ALL your passion, prayer and your intellect.
Love the people around you, the way you love yourself.


It's true that I'm still young, even though at times I feel truly 'world-weary', and imagine for a while, how nice it would be to have no worries about finances, to have already found someone who loves me so much that I'm willing to share a bed with him every night, to want his little kids running about and in secure belief that this is all I've ever wanted.

But no, I'm only 23 - and while I have nice visions of my life being a happy, worry-free and one filled with love all around, I do dread the thoughts of it being not so pleasant.

Haven't told him yet, but I am increasingly having a basic addiction to Warrie. Or rather, our verbal sparrings on the telephone. Wrote a card to him in which I have to say I was more sincere and honest with myself than I ever was. I hope this is the only addiction I'd ever have. It is possible to think a lot about a person you've still barely known, and miss him enough to want to see him, soon.

Meandered with Kie again last night on topics veering towards love and fulfilment. It is an exicitng time in our lives as we anticipate a happy future with lots of dates and seeing people who really like us. Ha! That aside, we wonder, about side issues, premptive measures that we could be doing right now, instead of indecisions later. One side issue which is a biggie for both of us is about whether - we should spend time with our friends of the opposite genders when we're married. Since I'm way more experienced, I shared. Flashback to the time my long-ago ex called my 60-over times while I was out with my female best friend. Flashback to the time where other attached guys were spending way more time sharing with me than they did to their better halves. I guess a good measure would be to introduce him to them, to allay his main concerns of either me being attracted to them or vice versa. Kie's preventive measures was to, also not go out with female friends too often. I felt miffed at that - exactly what Shiner said when we both were 'too close' in his point of view.

So he left, emotionally in a sense, I became detached too, because I was hurt by the fact that his worldview is so so different from mine. It is quite shitty, when the boundaries of friendship and closeness is guarded by an incomprehensible fact that we are not supposed to overlook. Maybe, that is why most of my friendships with guys are short-lived. Perhaps they cannot understand what it means to be a friend without falling into infatuation. I cannot understand, the boundaries which are supposed to be set in place for our very own protection. Then again, if you suppress these emotions and really look at the state of which things are in, and that this is a friendship which you truly cherish, why bother, about all the other 'supposed-tos' and 'No, I'm a leader that's why I have to respect this and that.' If that is the case, why did you rush down to my place after receiving an sms from me that I was despondent? And talked with me for so many days even though you had to study? Is the busyness that is eating you up now something that you are using as a form of escape... do you even remember the kind words and prayers you have said for me as I cried? Do you know how much I cherish it, that without it, I am not reminded of my sense of purpose, my sense of self?

It's two more precious days to March.

What have I achieved in the past months? A lot, yet little. The things I truly want in life have not yet come to pass, although I believe it will, this year.