Mismatched

When you really love someone...


Reading "The two sides of love" (Smalley/Trent) bought from the campus crusade sale. Was looking for a book about relationships to fire up for the new year!
Went there with Jean and Kie...Initially picked up a book "Before you live together" thinking it was about, preparing for marriage...but it turned out to be for people who were considering cohabiting. Heh.

I've been attached for most of my teenage life, so somehow I think can safely spot 'unhealthy' our 'out-of-balance' relationships... I've been in them myself. Actually, I'm someone who is fiecely independent, though I do need a man's hand to guide me through and give me some comfort when I've taken ill, like in the last two days. It's cheery to know someone is hoping you'll recover soon (so that you can go JB with him) ...makes you feel better faster.

But it's when the relationship you're in becomes off-kilter to almost everyone, then it's time to take a good look at yourself, and each other. Some relationships turn this way, very fast. I remember one of my christian leaders telling me (about this ex-boyfriend when we were still together). He cautioned that, the ex-boyfriend puts me on a pedestal. True enough, I did feel like I was some sort of goddess. But what excellent treatment he gave! Paid for the two of us through everything, bought me little gifts, never hesitated to treat me super-good. Of course, also his upbringing had to play a part as Indonesians were known for their chivalry...and also their possessiveness.

It got a little strangulating when we had to talk for at least an hour every night (And I was a busy busy student) and had to perpetually sms him my wherabouts hourly. Not forgetting the nightmare when he got angry when I wanted to catch up with MrBestFriend, wanting to throw our ring into the Sentosa river, and when I was out with MsBestFriend he called me more than 60 times (I just refused to pick up.) As time passed it gradually became an unhealthy relationship even though we were suited for each other. I don't blame him now, perhaps it was his first, and perhaps he loved me so much it became this way.

Residue of the past still remain, though. I only remember the good parts so when my poor tired darling does not live up to treating me like a goddess, there are whispers in my head saying, X used to treat me better. He always ..... .... not like this one. Plus ongoing concerns from other parties make me a bit confident of my self-worth.

Of course I am trying to erase this.

Was really shocked when my posse and I realized that a loser guy in our acquaintance was now attached, after harboring some emotions for a girl in our posse. We secretly wondered what did the girl see in him! Well, he is someone who is very complicated, to say the least. All of us cannot believe the stories he told different ones of us about his seemingly mentally unstable parents and his long foray into distant lands. I believed he was somewhat of a crackpot when he told the girl in my posse that he had to go to the beach to meditate and let God speak to him about their relationship! Of course, probably he listened to his flesh more than anything else. Recently, he penned love sonnets for his new catch. I just wonder if we had the chance to tell her what transpired, would she still think the world of him? Or blinded by true love, choose to be at her side till death doth them part. All I can say to him is Thee mind is warped.

There is a lack of gatekeepers in this area, and all too often we blame our folly on others. If we were hurt, we blame the leader from not warning us. We blame pastors for not preaching about such, or friends for not telling us from the start what a menacing creature he was. Sometimes, no one can talk you into (or out of) anything. Sometimes the warnings and cautions were there but we fail to take it seriously. I would not be glad to say 'I told you so', rather, before the thing even has a chance to start, why let it happen? I think I'd be glad to honestly say stuff if the other party is teachable, I will voice my opinion. Some in my posse are already telling me stuff I cannot even believe took place. Sharing a spoon? Constantly playing and rubbing? Sitting on each other at bus stops?

Thankfully I was not there to witness the spectacle. My members are concerned, too. That a sincere member might be lost. So many have said, she has changed. Even worse, stumbling a younger member by what they are doing. Or even causing duress to the public by their actions. If this is true love, then I don't think you should invite everyone to witness your intimacy.

They ask me why I refuse to even give a word of caution. I replied that, hey, if the person is not teachable, what is the point of saying it... (everyone else is talking about it anyways)

But if she remembers clearly, before they were attached, I had told her exactly what I had thought.


So my friend, please consider carefully your ways. You are not doing it for me, it's for everyone else and dare I mention God, too.