No one told me it was going to be easy

Aye, like most people, I'd prefer it if things were easier sometimes.

Muff asked if my real dream was to migrate to Sweden. Heh, guess I've been talking about it too much eh? Told him what I shared with with Huntley, one boring evening. I think it's not often that people ask each other about their dreams. And perhaps we should, more often than not, lest we forget. We have a tendency to forget about the most important things in life: God, our family and the ones we really care about and connect with.

I guess I've never really defined my REAL dream. Sure, there are many things I would like to do in this lifetime, many which I think is rather absurd, but all the same, nice to imagine having and doing.

Anyways, my dream, one I have had since I was younger, was that I will build a city - and my husband to build one, too. It may be planting cell, or having different callings to different minitries - I think that this dream is more of a spiritual one than any other. Maybe he's going to build an orphanage while I build a global retail chain, or maybe I plant several churches in Sweden while he stays here and builds up the kids in our local church. Who knows, really... but that's my dream that was placed in my heart. And I'm writing it here today to remind myself, to dream again.

It's nice to see people getting together, one of my favorite moments is to see newlyweds or newly-attached people smiling at each other and talking in secret codes unique to their relationship. Think I'm a believer in romance, in love. Do wish Singaporean guys are more romantic, at least, do the basic things like opening doors for ladies who are carrying stuff on both hands. It's the culture here that has taught us to be independent, but after a tired day out, I would be suitably impressed with a guy who has that something extra. Someone who fetches you home even though he is tired out too, or comes to pick you up or does that extra little thing. Guys, the ladies are watching. And even though you don't feel like doing it, please be sincere in all the actions. As I keep telling HashBrown, we(ladies) can feel your vibe. And it's quite sad to see ladies mistreated by their other half, unknowingly or not.

I've happily been an observer for some time now, in other people's lives. I think this period of time, it's good for me to take a back seat, interact with new people again, rejuvenate and find the self that I've lost last year. It's great to form new friendships, hopefully deep ones, with the people around me that I've just got to know. It's beautiful to realise that your friends have true strength in the midst of adversity. Through trials in their spiritual life, their emotional and relational issues, they still find the courage somehow to pick up the pieces, and recover themselves, recover what was lost. I see my friends, not wanting to hurt anyone, slowly showing the strength through their silences, though the look in their eyes is one of hurt. Talked to Muffin till it hurts too, till I am almost weeping at his sharings, because - I once was in that situation too. And at that point of time I am thankful to say today, I also had a friend like that to support me. I've learnt how to be more transparent, and more accountable as well - something I thought I've always done and didn't need to do. He doesn't know, but he has been a catalyst in changing the way I lead cell sessions. Penelope has remarked on the change, she too, has realised the difference. (The rest wouldn't know because they weren't around, before.) Now, I lead with God actually speaking to me. I used lead with rationality. About knowing God with your mind rather than with your heart...and soul. I mean, it was okay too, the members weren't shortchanged or anything. Just that, now, it's different - and better too. Because each time I share now, I share from my heart.

I marvel at this change in me. A book says that the statement "In every person's heart there is a God-shaped void only God can fill", is true, but truer still is the fact that in every person's heart there is a human shaped void that only another human can fill. We can chat on messenger and blog and email and sms, but nothing beats hearing another person, face to face or on the phone. And we've sort of lost that. Tired out by work and stuff. But still, wanting to connect with people, we have got to take the initiative of doing so.

Went to the Robinsons' cardmember sale with Mom and little brother primarily because I wanted to buy a hard luggage - don't have any and need one eventually - so might as well get it at a discount. Plus I wanted to check out some essentials and non-essentials! Wow it was packed...I must say that the discounts are really good. Next time when I am an auntie I will apply for Robinsons' gold card too, and buy bedsheets, cookery stuff, shoes and lingerie every sale. Hahaha! I could have spent the whole day there if not for work, so I left after lunch. It was quite okay shopping with Mom - my Mom is very 'atas', during sale will encourage me to buy all the branded goods, saying it's a good deal. (Yes, but still expensive if you buy like double of what you normally do.) Anyways I'm learning to be smarter with my money. Apart from clothes; of which I only buy during sales, next time I will buy like makeup, lingerie, books, yadda yadda... during sales. So yeah, and I will have tons of stuff and not more money. The crazy thing about this kind of first-day cardmember sale is that you are shopping with a bunch of crazy people, kiasu aunties who go before it is opened at 1030 am and grab stuff... they are all adrenalin charged man! So instead of being the savvy shopper that we usually are, we soak up the atmosphere and become like them too, scouring around, walking round again and again for good buys! Now I know why some people can shop for the whole day!

This shopping trip helped me to bond with Mom though, usually not talking to her very much because I'm often home late. =) So cheers to Robinson for bringing the family together - and besides my lovely luggage (branded somemore), I got myself really lovable buys I'd never expect, shopping at Robinsons'.