*...a purposeful life...

...a cute guy asked me today what I'd like for Christmas...
story below.


Been in and out of being sick these days.

Today I woke up and immediately ran to the toilet sink to puke. Was too nauseous. The nausea is back - hate it, makes me miserable.

I also have stiff fingers. I think I have been clenching my fingers together when I sleep, although I can't actually tell. Just wake up with stiff digits especially the last 3.

And the Panadol cold relief makes some people sleepless. Ya, I'm one of them. Darn... ... I've not taken paracetamol in 7 years or more, not even when I have headaches (I take Diazepam for headaches!) so, imagine how bad it gets when I finally succumb to taking paracetamol.

And it doesn't work. I think it just prolongs the symptoms, you feel better after a while and then sick again. Like it gives you adrenalin for a day then takes it back. I just want to get well... I also have a sinking feeling that I'm getting sick because of the Benzyl Benzoate - I still have scabies so I apply it at night, can't stand the itch. Then I sleep with my hands near my face, so probably am inhaling the substance all night long. I have hired prayer buddies.

Talked to Zero today, told him about my Christmas plans.
To get out of my depression I actually set myself agendas to do at home until Christmas, so I will keep myself busy and not think when I have nothing to do. The downside is that I will have nothing to do after Christmas (and nobody wants to go on a trip then.) Well I guess I am being too ambituous, the things I plan to make is very time consuming. I think one night I can only make two items, that is not looking good... I also plan to bake cookies, lamingtons, shortbread, and fudge-cookie-shortbread-bailey ice cream! (Using Sister Fang's microwave and my secret fudge recipe...) I think all the things I want to make is uber time consuming. Maybe I should take out my yogurt-machine and beer distillation micro home brewery too? (In my storeroom.) My house has amazing stuff. Sister Fang wanted to buy an electric whisk and I realised I have one!

By the way, some privileged people in the cell will have fantastic presents cuz I've already finished making, the rest, it will have to depend on my mood... and the resources I have left.

Anyways Zero was quite sweet. He sings to get rid of the pain. (Me, too.) But he doesn't realise that singing to me brings the pain to me. Or maybe I have to release it on his behalf. I only sing to my Jesus in the shower, ho ho. And cry too. Lately the tears are back. Not such a good sign. Oh yah, but the sweet part is not his singing to me (although that would be sweet if I am in love with him, but nooooo...)

The sweet part, is that he asked me what I wanted for Christmas ...after I told him that a guy kneel down in front of me on Saturday heh heh....

Sidetrack: I went downstairs last Saturday buying food and there was a bunch of neighborhood bengs... like 16, 17 yr old... When I came back, walked past them, the whole group turned to stare at me... wassay! Never see neighbor buy food before isit?! Then, after 5 seconds or so, one guy sing to my back view : You're waaaaay too beautiful girl...That hit song, never bluff. So on last Saturday got guy kneel down and guy serenade me... HOO! WEE!)

The sweet part... Ok ok I know I very long winded, but must prolong the sweet part, like in korean drama... And he is definitely cute, or at least that is what many young girls think... So, he tenderly asked me, what do I want for Christmas and mumble to himself that he'll try to get it, if not too expensive, he will get me ANYTHING I WANT! (Wah... Ya he really exists so eat your hearts out!)

...So in a very serious tone I answered: "Zero. Actually, there is only one thing I want for Christmas..."

Zero, still mumbling to himself, that he is very simple, don't like surprises but will get me whatever I like, etc etc... suddenly also become serious and say, "What is it?"

"Well... I only want... YOU."

I am also so sweet right! Well, I think my answer really knock him off the bus chair, he a bit speechless for a while... which gave me the chance to continue,... 'wrap yourself and post to my house, with black bow tie...'

He said that he is priceless and he could not afford it, so I have to think of another present... ...

Too bad, we are not lovers, if not, it would be a sweet story not a funny one.
Anyways, I haven't really thought about what I want for Christmas.
I think I'd like very much for Christmas... for God to honor the prayer I prayed 3 years ago. If it was true and till today, there is a chance to redeem myself. I don't want to walk in the valley anymore. =)

Zero promised me we'll have a good Christmas this year as we had horrid ones last year. We both broke up around that time, sob sob...

...all I want for Christmas...

PS: More about the guy who knelt down in front of me, next episode... next saturday he has to do it again. But he seems to enjoy it...