love is a verb

Love-the feeling- is a fruit of love, the verb.

In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling. They're driven by feelings. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to do so.

Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values.

Love, the feeling,can be recaptured.

-Stephen R Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

I've always believed that you can choose your feelings and choose who you want to be. Yesterday, I talked to a guy, a stranger on my msn, and he was looking to be attached, in a relationship,because he couldn't take being single, and lonely. I guess that's the wrong reason for me, to be attached and am wary of such men. After all, it's easy to get attached, but it's scary if you are looking to the relationship as your main source of fulfilment.

Even though some people say that Christ fulfils them and they are ok with being single, their actions and reactions spell otherwise for the wise ones who quietly observe. Deep down inside, they are searching for someone to complete them, but the search often backfires, for ultimately, they will either find someone looking for the same thing - which does not bode well for the impending relationship - or they will just appear needy and clingy, which too often drives highly functioning and proactive men - and women, away.

I have some single women friends who, after years of being single for perhaps too long, forgotten how it was like to be cheerful and content by themselves, without a partner. I honestly dread talking to them, for eventually, the question of whether am I seeing someone will arise, and they cannot understand why I am content, for this season of my life, to be single. Of course, it is much easier for me as God has already spoken quite directly. But I'm sure God has spoken to them too - if they pray about it, for I am sure they must have, and waited on the Lord, definitely He will tell them something. But in their waiting time, they become cynical and cannot offer pure joy when they hear about other people's happiness. I cannot judge them, for it is too easy to become like that. Hope deferred truly makes the heart sick. I avoid such talk, because I know that it will poison my mind.

For me it is the other way round, too. Having been attached for most of my dating life, most of the time seeing someone or romantically involved with some guy, I relish, and cherish the single times. I've realised all along that I don't need a man to bore me, oops, I mean, fill up my time with...(guy friends more than make it worthwhile for me) and it's worthless spending time with people who are simply, not worth it. It came to my knowledge that one of my ex-boyfriends, a man of ill-repute whom I had unwisely chosen, was about to meet up with a certain number of my guy friends. I was unhappy about it. If one could argue that Jesus also ate with the tax collectors and the prostitutes,
on the other hand, 'bad company corrupts good morals'. I was telling Grant that the people we associate with are very important, and why would you want to waste time, waste a perfectly good evening meeting someone whom you know can't benefit your life, value-wise, and talk to the person, talk about what? Even if you wanted to 'care and connect' with him, are you strong enough to? I would rather stay at home, even with myself, it's better company. I feel strongly about it because I had wasted too much time associating with him.

I hope that my friends have some moral sense to make good decisions about who they are spending time with. Even though it is only a one-time thing.

I guess sometimes we need to reflect on our thoughts, feelings and actions, and realise that love is a verb. I thank many people who have shown love to me, helping me to realise my future potential.