So far so good. Didn't buy anything for my buy-nothing month. Only food... ha.
Am stoned today because of the supered long day I had yesterday. Back after midnight. 4 meetings and one who entertained me...or we entertained each other, I suppose... Looking forward to chinese massage session and going home early later. Clock-watching today!!!
Been trying hard not to be frustrated recently. Many things reminds me of TBO - I have not been praying much lately about this, which I should. Is it a sign of a lack of faith, or a disbelief that God will help me through. After all, how long should I wait? Stumbled upon Kenneth Hagin's book 'I believe in Visions' - and read it while waiting for my brother to come out from the shower. My Dad actually picked up this book from someone who moved house, along with a vintage YSL bag (It's mine! So happy. My pet bag of the week.) and he's been raving about it so... I almost finished reading the entire book at that sitting - I read fast - and there was a part where he is so sick of praying - he was born with a deformed heart and was a sickly person - and God spoke to him that he is praying without faith, so God could not answer his prayer, because by His word in the Bible God says that we need faith to have our needs and prayers met and He cannot fulfil them without, because He cannot go against His word. Woo. I am like, stunned, after that. Have I been praying about this and, really focused you know, not really praying for anything else... ...until that sometimes I don't have the faith anymore??? Honestly I don't know.
You will feel different when you're in the company of different people. For some you just want to talk, relax, chill out. Others make you feel light and bubbly like a bouncing ball, you just want to bounce around them and talk animatedly, excitedly. Others make you want to reach inside yourself and do something for the better of the world, others challenge you to rise above your situation and do something. Like that, I've always liked the way I feel around TBO and the way TBO makes me feel about myself. I can't really describe it but it's a peaceful feeling, yet a sense of adventure and encouraging, feeling, like you feel very comfortable and can laugh and laugh and feel really... happy, contented... I've always felt that way around him that's why in the past, he only sees the 'emo' side of me, because I will always go to him when I am feeling insignificant, or after a bad fight in relationships... but during the happy and cheerful times I never go to him. Haha. He is my bad-weather friend!
So, I think I have decided to let him know, soon. It's really difficult though. I think I am afraid he will laugh. Errr, because he doesn't take me seriously. I also don't take myself seriously. I think I will laugh, too. Either way I think I will continue to be happy. Yeah!!!
He makes me a better me. And I just want to let him know that I've always loved him. Love is a decision, not a feeling. To me, at least.
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