becalmed

On the road, KL expressway this year.


I had a surprise call from Ches, who's sailing on some humongous container ship, called me last Friday around after midnight. Sob! It was a surprise really, the incredulity crept its way into my voice. I thought I would not hear from him in months since his last boarding call. And he reminded me of all the things I love about Melaka, the long midnight car trips with him driving, me, feeling the wind in my hair and looking at the Peranakan and Portuguese houses, and James Morrison's piping 'You give me something' in the background. And the birds chirping to wake you up in the morning, something I never hear in Singapore. At my locale now I am rudely awakened to the sound of upgrading works which just ruins the view of my running park. Oh sigh. I live next to a running park and don't use it for running, only sitting down and talking to friends seated on benches like those old uncles.

I am going to run. Partly inspired by the Olympics, partly because a kind male colleague told me running prevents cellulite from forming. True or not, I don't want to reach the stage where I can't wear shorts in public... so, I am going to run. Getting rather wobbly in certain areas also makes the previously-high-metabolism me panic. So I ran yesterday at this park in Clementi/West Coast with Lilo - wouldn't say I ran, perhaps only 100 metres... I also "ran" - taking liberties with the word here - at my downstairs park last Sunday, actually talked to a stranger male who was 30 and work in MFA... nono, I didn't mean to chat him up...there were some policemen in the area and he was talking to them; I just looked quizzical and he told me he ran past a fight going on (further away, not anywhere near my peaceful neighborhood)... anyways, he said he ran 8km everyday and he was training for some gold medal which is worth $400. Quite inspired! Anybody giving me $ for my efforts? Anyone?

Well. I am taking up golf next. Already asking the one who plays in my family to drag me along at least fortnightly. With the economy like this, I shall find other free, meaningful activities to do!

(Golf IS FREE for me because I have TWO sets at home and the 'card' for the bucket of balls is kindly topped up by dear old Dad.)
==

On other brooding matters, am wondering why I seem to be robotic at times. I can't tell if it's a better state than being emo; but at least being emo has its uppances, like girls will be really concerned about the state of your heart and you get endless chats over coffee and whatnot. Okay, besides, that, I am of the inclination that 'having loved and lost' is better than not having loved at all. I guess you will find it at the time when you are not looking for it, hence, the surprise! The ignominious surprise! Why can't we all fall in love when, it's the right time, when we are ready, and available, and have kept up with the current love-self-help books on the market like 'boy meets girl'; 'boundaries in dating'; or, 'his needs, her needs'? I'd rather be in a continual state of cheer and remember the once unrequited - or broken hearted episode; than always be in a kind of desperate mode, looking out for men and wondering why they don't seem to chase your skirt even though you do look good and wear skirts.

I am thinking of a friend's sister, a female in her - 30s i guess, who unfortunately inherited some lousy genes. Okay, she is not fat, but she is ...unfortunately, to many of my bluntly honest guys who describe girls in our social circle with words and allusions you can't even imagine; she is, plain. I guess I feel sad that people are so superficial. Just because she is below-average does it mean she never finds her true love, only those pretty princesses do? On the other hand, Andy Lau (sorry, I never found him handsome hor) is still single and seems to never have had sordid love affairs, so perhaps looks is not into the equation or perhaps it plays too big a part? (Ie, he can't find anyone who 'matches up' to him?)

I hope, I never have that sorrow. I guess born in a time where the ratio of guys and gals is 50/50, I have always had guys for friends, activity partners around so I've never actually felt the loneliness or the need for another male companionship. Perhaps maybe when they all start hitching up and having kids; but that would take at least a few more years for most of them. So it's a reality check, now. To treasure the ones I rarely meet and remind me of the places I love, like Ches. To always meet with supporters like Zero, Kie and the rest of the churchy ones.

Life's too short to waste it on this kind of pointless suffering. Unrequited love needs to be stomped upon and cast aside, then we all can see the beauty of the relationships that we do have, at work, or at play.