Droolsome...
Most Sundays, I wake up in the late morning and go out for a walk; buying the newspaper from the 7-eleven at gardens, and eating a brunch with the other locals and foreigners around me, whom I realise, are mostly uncle types who also love to eat and read on a sunday morning. I hate waking up too early but Sunday mornings are lovely, there is just a nice air to things and people are/look happier.
On Sunday mornings, the cake shop downstairs sells 'puttu-mayam', an Indian kind of pancake that seems to be made of tiny, fluffy beehoon-like white strands, which you roll with your hands into an orange sugar. It's lovely, I used to eat them when younger as they were easily available. These days those hard-to-find cheap eats has relegated to a distant memory of favorite childhood eats found in almost every market...
My favorites like 'kueh pie tie', 9 layers kueh, agar-agar, ondeh ondeh, the ham chee peng with glutinous rice in the middle (still found at gardens, though rarely), lamingtons - the brown sweet cake which is covered with coconut bits - Piper pies and Gloria's coffee do sell lamingtons; but they're bloody expensive.
Last week, the prata place I frequent pasted up A4 paper signs on their pillars, stating, 'Plain prata is now 80 cents.' Perhaps sooner than not, prata suppers will become a luxury. I like the cheese ones which makes it worse, price-wise.
2 pratas, a teh tarik (love!) and the newspaper costs almost $6, which makes it unfathomable for me to spend so much for a 'simple' morning out in Singapore, Serangoon Gardens.
Was at my editor's slumber party (21st birthday! Can't stand it) she's editing my Travel in Asia show. Intended to walk home but stayed till the wee-er hours. I was quite amazed at my power of staying awake, perhaps it was the topic of conversation that intrigued me. At first I felt painfully out of place - majority of the people were youngish and female; was not in the mood either to make small talk to strangers, male or female. Hearing snippets of their conversation here and there, I felt that I didn't want to talk to them anyway, many of them sounded self-absorbed in their own issues; stressed up over schoolwork and other church issues - their faces had that scrunched up, whinging look. I felt that talking about those problems to so many people made it rather worse, unfortunately they did not know that...
I wondered if I was like that too at their age - selfish, and always unloading my rantings and problems on others. I guess I was, I can remember being like that.
I think a good thing about growing up is that your perspective on life changes, and at least we learn how to handle stress a bit better, no longer childishly whining to any available listener. I usually just sigh it away and not allow myself to think about it any further. Being introspective of my usually un-thought about actions help, too. I've realised that sometimes being too unemotional and too much of a thinker is not necessarily a good thing. I think I've hurt the guys in the past who have loved me. I thought that making things ultra clear on the way things stand would be better than it being a long-suffering. Now I've realised that perhaps being kinder and letting the relationship go a little gentler would have enabled us to be friends and not strangers. And in a way, that hurts. It's funny how after all these years, I feel a sense of remorse and suddenly felt like saying sorry to them.
After reading Mr Cheerful's sad poems and the comments that go with them, I realised that there were many things I should have not said to make things worse. I wish that I could be friends with the guys whom we've shared some intimate moments together, but I know for a fact that they won't even talk to me. I did try, some years back, to call them and just have a decent conversation, but it was futile. Talking to some of the galfriends my age at the slumber party, I was glad for them that they were looking forward to the whole dating thing. I laughingly told them that I had 10 years' experience and I have possibly pak-tored in every pak-tor location... The thing is, I just want to settle down, enough of the failed romances and teasing butterflies in tummy. Skip the tormenting part and fast forward to a nice home and me with the guy I will love for my entire life, the person who can make it with me, and his love will be enough for me forever. Never expected some simple and sweet poems can stir me up like this. It's better to decide first then act on it anyways than vice versa.
Certain people, when I meet them in life, there will be a certain point where you know that the person will be there in your life or at least your social circle, for some time. Killer Whale, from the time I told him which bus goes to X road from this bus stop we are at, I KNEW that I will keep seeing or bumping into him. And as much as I would like to avoid him, I STILL meet him every week at events, meetings, sessions ETC. The term for it is frenemy -keep your friends close, and your enemies closer, haha. I try to avoid talking to him, it fires me up and wears me down.
Then there's Mr Cheerful, although we haven't met as often, we still interact and engage pretty often. I like it, it's a breath of fresh air for me. Was telling my other videographer, the point where I realized that for better or worse, our paths collide at this point and 'there is no turning back' haha... oh my, I'm still embarassed by thinking about it - I splashed soy sauce all over the table, the glass wall and his laptop while trying to chopstick-hold a japanese roll (I'm not good with chopsticks btw, my house doesn't HAVE ANY.) And the roll decided to JUMP into the soy bowl... At that moment, it was as if time stood still, I was very very very mortified and just stared in shock, meanwhile looking if I had dotted his crisp shirt with soy sauce. (Thankfully don't have.) I still could crack jokes at making his boss buy him a new laptop - but inside I was so... mortified! Wanted to close my eyes and wish myself to another dimension if I could. Aye, that was the point, I think. I think I will remember that moment in freeze-motion for years -_-. I just want to offer some words to Mr Cheerful - somehow, I think he is quite wired like me, and he will get it. At least, if I can make someone a little happier and prevent him from going on the path I did last year, it will be worth it. He's now at the 'start' of the downward spiral which I was on last year, but he does have many friends cheering him on which helps a lot. Maybe I know him at this juncture in life, at this meeting at the intersections, for such a time as this? Maybe, that's the purpose of my being here - or being at that conference which I had to attend on behalf of The Boss. I'm glad that he called, this week, although we did not get to talk.
But I know that eventually, we will. And when that time comes, I hope I can treat another soul with the respect and kindness that he deserves.
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