dearly departed

Attended a wake of a friend's mom who passed. She was young, only 45. I thought deeply about life and death today. Death always seems unfair to those who are left behind. And we often forget about the nearest and dearest until they are gone from our lives.

Not too many years ago, some small incidents happened that caused me to lose the friendship of 2 of my dearest friends. As friendship goes, some are intense but are not meant to last; some are deeply meaningful and will go the distance. He was a friend for me, not just a friend, but someone to guide me along, almost a hero, yet humbly and gently deigned to spend time leisurely, with me, with whomever was near and dear to me. We attended courses, a year of prayer meetings, camps, watched movies and theatre shows, I supported his marathons, we prayed daily for each other, had many, many meals together.

It's nearly 10 years now since the teenager me was acquainted with this guy friend, and I guess he set a pretty high standard for the ones that followed. Everyone knows he's a godly and super 'zhai' guy, just being in his presence makes me feel wiser, stronger, kinder, lovelier.

So, it was quite an emotional and vulnerable moment for me when we met up again after such a long time. He's changed, I've changed. In ways, we seem to be mirrors of each other, he being a more lively, cheekier version, me being a quieter and serious one. Yet, there is still that familiarity, the familiar essence of each other's smell, voice, vibe, that just makes me utterly relaxed, utterly comfortable, without need for guise. I am really glad that those past issues can be forgotten and we can make good, for now, and I hope, me, the frivolous one, would not throw away what's important to me this time round. There's still so many years to go as friends.

And I've never really thought of him or considered him as my 'best' (male) friend, but in so many ways, he really is.