psalms 34:18

My self esteem should be based on my quality of character - my ability to love and be loved. -Paul Meier, Blue Genes

How do you explain a love that has no explanation? - John Ortberg, Love Beyond Reason, spiritedly's current fave christian pastor/author.

Psalms 34:18.

Is there is such a thing as praying 'too much' for something to happen?

==

There are always lots of questions in my mind, because I question the relativity of truth, and causes for emotional hurts, behaviors and reactions, the answers come. So when I see someone I've been close with do something that is hurtful, I ask.

I need to find out, to understand.

What is your love based on, if you do not even try to understand the person?

Each day, I remember things. Flashbacks to certain places we've been. Things he said. The food we ate. Sometimes I am angry at the things he said to me, and perhaps, others in his life who have loved him, too. Sometimes I am sad. I realise how sad I was when I realise how happy I am now. Simple outings which turn into long drawn arguments, and tiring meanderings uncalled for. I am angry at myself for wanting to be approved by him, for just quietly accepting the things he said, for not refusing to talk until I'm so tired... I am angry because this is not the way things should be. But I don't blame him. He cannot help it. Sure, he will get angry at me too. And maybe he will, if he doesn't understand that I am trying to help him. Despite all his refutes, I think he wants me to.

When someone who is nit-picky and has possible obsessions with cleanliness tell you that your hair dropped all over his room after one dining experience, would you:
a)get angry and scold him
b)apologize for the hair
c)try to understand the basis of what he is saying, and observe, and help?

Don't you think that because the person tells you this, he also is telling you, in a certain way, that he needs your help in his life? That hey, please take note that this is not a 'normal' behavior... that I only dare to share these with you... that I need you to tell me this is not acceptable to you?

In Life, we are faced with choices everyday.

We can choose to ignore this cry for help and pretend everything is alright. Anyway, Life still goes on.

But, I am also affected emotionally by this. And the 'deepness' of the way I am affected shows that this is not just a simple thing. The myriad of emotions I feel fascinates and scares me, because I am never like that, and have never been. Of course, looking on the bright side, there are good times. Like how your life is like a weepy korean drama, and realising that you have good friends to be your safety net, after all.