say it isn't so

Say it isn't so (don't give up on me)
Say it isn't so (don't give up on you)
Get me through the night
Make everything all right
Say it isn't so... - Bon Jovi

Have not managed to apologize to Zero and am feeling very, very lousy.
Well, we didn't have a chance to sit down and talk like I envisioned we would because we were constantly surrounded by folks, which was not a bad thing. He brought me to a nice quaint place surrounded by greenery, something I enjoy very much.

I'm upset more at myself because I cannot bring myself to talk about why I am upset. To thinkers, it's not that feelings are insignificant, it's just that they can't or won't talk about it. I find that words flow when I am typing, but face-to-face, I am just at a loss.

I guess this little friction has come to made me realise certain things that are important to me. I do try to understand Zero, and I know that he would never do anything to intentionally cause me distress, and he would probably berate himself if he knew the extent of this lousy, sad feeling I have. I like 'the way it was before'. And I'm afraid that from now on, things will change. I like change, it's inevitable. We all have to grow up, move forward and do things that are in our best interests. And in a way, we chose our friends, the people we wanted to do things with, spend time with, and grow with. Zero's been the only one who could help me effectively in my depressive state (effectively being the operative word here), and it's a beautiful thing if our cross-gender friendship grows and develops in a meaningful and positive way, whereby despite all the studies that prove romantic feelings will develop over time and silly, soppy movies where you know the ending is those sweet and unrealistic sort (which we should NOT watch) tell you that there is no existing script for this beautiful thing to happen, we should not listen to the naysayers or evilwishers and just believe, believe that friends can 'kiss and make up'; in the allegorical sense of the phrase.

I want to connect back. To resolve my issue. But I just can't seem to find the words.