There's this advertisement by New Balance that just has the words 'love/hate'; This is the New Balance and it keeps reminding me of the virtual dialogue I'm having this week with MrCheerful.
He's of the camp that one can turn from love to hate for a person and hate the person with equal intensity the way he used to love the person.
For me, I believe that you can hate someone but not with the same passion and intensity, because only love, only the emotion of love can evoke such strong feelings in an individual.
I'd never be able to hate someone like that... but this got me thinking deeply, guess MrCheerful will never realize the can of worms he has opened. I think in hindsight, I was pretty mean and said and did many mean things in my relationships. It hurts to think that they do hate me, or not able to be amicable with me in the very least... if there are people in my life that I need to ask for forgiveness, a couple of guys come to mind. Thing is, I thought that at that point in time, applying the chinese thinking 'short pain is better than a long suffering'; was a better decision then, however in hindsight I now know how it hurts to cut them off completely, to stop communicating so abruptly. I'm not someone who just shrugs it off and has a 'life goes on' mentality, I do take relationships seriously too. I don't get attached easily, I don't have feelings for people easily, sometimes being robotic is preferable. But it's been quite many years now and I do hope that they find happiness with another woman, something I was unable to provide, because I was deeply unhappy in my relationships.
Getting attached is easily, finding a happiness that lasts forever, is all too difficult. Over the course of the last month, I realise that I care, maybe a tad too much, for this MrCheerful. Aiya. You can't really help someone sincerely if you totally don't care for them, or love them a little, if I can say that... ... not that I'm Miss Helpful...I prefer to be cool, collected and unconcerned, but seeing him at the start of the downward spiral I was in last year, I could not just smile and be nonchalant, because I know what helps and what doesn't, because only bestfriend Zero could help me; and it seems so opportune that he started the sad poet mode days after we got acquainted. Sometimes, I do wish I were a bit more robotic and stop imagining the possibilities. Perhaps we had to connect in this manner, maybe something good will come out of all these sadness. I don't know if that will be a consolation to his weariness but I actually do appreciate a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve and is not afraid to tell the world he is missing someone. *claps* This society is so convoluted nowadays that only in lovelorn korean dramas you get guys that are like, constantly thinking of the girl, even in work, can just 'wander' to her house area and 'bump' into her and she is thinking of you too, haha... I bet Singaporean guys are too boggled up in their work to even eat or exercise properly, don't say fall in love until like that, lor.
I guess as much as we are busy with things, we still like the feeling of having someone to talk with, play with and someone who will listen to you.
It eats me that I care, maybe I care, too much for this chap. I cannot take out the caring feeling; and put it into a box and mail it to him, so what am I going to do with it?
I need to talk to someone.
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