cultured

L's wedding last year, this month. Time flies huh?

Love Is.

The conversations I have had recently about love, serves to deviate my mind away from the other irksome, worrisome matters at hand. (Although, I'm still aching for a talk with MrCheerful.)

Even our ministers are worried that people my age are not getting married and re-populating our small island nation. They should be, because population growth = housing growth = economy growth = more $ for everyone. But 'pushing' it is not the key. If we get married 'prematurely', more social ills will arise such as broken families, divorce, crime rates up, more gays, you can imagine. So boosting the economy of now would have severe destructive effects here years later. Apostle and I were debating about abortion. His stand is that every individual has a right to live. I read somewhere that most babies born to teenage, black mothers out of wedlock, do not do well - in fact, the rise in teenage pregnancies in this demographic leads to higher crime rates in those part of America, plus the babies that grow up are often incarcerated averagely about 3 times in their lifetime. (Read it in some social trend book.) So, to me, it seems like their destinties have been set from an early age.

If you were the parent, would you want to give birth in such a manner, knowing the statistics?

Then again, as Apostle mentioned, giving birth to them did not cause the social ills. Rather, there are many factors to look into, such as the broken family cycle, being impoverished and the social environment they were brought up in, etc. So I guess, everyone does have a right to life, although at times it is often unfair.

I have a lady friend, same age as me who is married. Because her Malaysian husband had some health concerns, she now has to scrimp and save. I wonder why her life has to be so hard, from the beginning. It seems like their marriage has to go through one trial after another. At the end of all this, I suppose her character will be stronger than the rest, but I'd rather not be in that position all the same. She wants to have babies too - she's the nurturing type, that's why she is married at a young age, but having them now would only cause her to have more tension and stress. I asked her how she managed to scrimp and save, she said she buys those $2 makeup products from Daiso. Recently, I bought the slightly lower-end foundation from Sasa... which is about 1/3 the price of my usual brands. Was so scared to buy it, as I am rather sensitive to some ingredients... you can imagine my apprehension... I tested them again and again on my hands and walked around the shop wondering if I'd buy and, too scared to use, it becomes a waste of money, so I should just buy the brands I'm used to, etc etc... ... I asked her if the $2 blusher was good, she just shrugged and replied that it was cheap, it will have to do. I rather admire her being able to do that for her husband, to me, that is a wordless act of love. By sacrificing your 'face', or even your beloved brands or some things you are used to having, like familiar comforts, to forsake them for an entirely new environment.

Love is a choice.

When you love someone, someone not meant to, someone of same gender perhaps; or a married party, or someone you know you shouldn't, you have a choice. You can choose to engage with the person, or to quell your feelings. It hurts the way unrequited love hurts - it becomes a small crack in your heart.

The people of my culture in ancient days believed in matchmaking. A photo seals your destiny. For me, it's a song...

The Li Ethnic Group: The Li people who live on Hainan Island are monogamous. When a daughter reaches 16, her parents will build near their house a small cottage called "Nong Gui" where their daughter can live and court her lover. In the evening, boys will come to the cottage of the lover of their hearts. Outside the cottage, the boy plays the mouth string organ and the nose flute and sings love songs. If the girl is interested and decides to accept him, she will reply to his songs and then let the boy come in. If the boy sings three songs and still gets no reply from the girl, that means he is not in her type and he has to leave. This special courting way is called by the Li people "village tour".

Haha...one day I'm going back to visit my ancestors. I heard there's 1.11 million of them there. Ancestors are wise, always good to let the girl choose the guy instead of the other way round. *claps*

(...Maybe that's why I like people to sing to me. Innate response!)


In Western cultures, the one which we are most familiar with, we choose our partner for love. Most of us don't understand how someone can marry someone they do not love, just based on a photo, or on a song. But often these marriages are not long-lasting compared to the more traditonal ones. Those who have the faith, perhaps we should seek God as our matchmaker.

I did. Because in 5 or 10 years' down the road, when tough times and storms come, I don't want a pretty face beside me or just someone who says he loves me, I need someone who has a character to love me, wordlessly.

Love songs also welcomed, though.