love

It seems that everyone's thinking - and talking about LOVE, this balmy evening.
The gang met for dinner and there were some ruthless quizzing going-on, probably the aftermath of 'The Marina Barrage incident'.

Later, [Y] asked me, too, in an aside:
'So is the one who holds your heart here, today?'
(There were about 10 guys around by the way)

I answered, truthfully,
'No...he is not.'

I don't mind telling him what transpired, but the memories are still, too raw... sensing that perhaps, I needed to know not only I had to face some struggles in this area, he sincerely told me that he wants to tell me his story too, before he and his pretty girlfriend became a couple.

Yes, I hope that hearing the story will give me some hope for the future.
I wonder if I will ever love my future husband to such abandon, to such intensity, whether I can EVER find that connection, the meeting of minds - which I so miss now that it is taken away from me. Almost like a part of me has died. I film myself and sometimes there is that sad look in my eyes, I am scared of the intensity of how I feel inside... sometimes, all the times between dreams when I am awake, I say his name in my heart and I am lost.

Last week, I prayed that God will help me to transfer such feelings, if it is ever transferrable, to the intended one because it is not in me to live a farce, I will never be with someone I can't/don't love forever.

Ok.

Architect always says,
'Those who look for love will find it somehow...'

Over time, I've come to realise that that is true. Those who keep their eyes and hearts peeled open, will find someone, eventually. That is hope for those who want to fall in love.

I wasn't looking for anything, but you found me, and rescued me - and I realised that now, you've seen me at my most vulnerable, then. I've come to realise that I cherish all the movies we've seen, all the public holidays we've spent together... and now that my heart begins to beat to a foolish love song, a song that says that maybe, I'm too late.