Just wanted to share this lovely, lovely bouquet. The Boyfriend and I helped our friend to select the roses - huge red blooms from Ecuador, framed by smaller white ones from India and the accompanying white velvety looking sprays which are my personal favorite... it was for a proposal and it really made my weekend to see our friend making all the arrangements, getting the ring (goldheart solitaire), going twice to select the flowers and arranging with the manager of the cafe for the special moment. I was impressed to hear that he has made the previous bouquets by himself - it takes a lot of time and effort and after being hands-on this round, I also begin to appreciate the effort, it's really not easy to choose and arrange flowers man...just glad that through the downpour of job woes, I could share in this time of joy.
It's the first time I've ever wanted to quit a job so soon, and surprisingly or perhaps unsurprisingly, all my colleagues (and one ex-colleague who quit after one month plus), friends-in-the-know are supporting this decision. After all, I've been falling sick with 'acute stress', and scarily the walk-in clinic doc wanted to refer me to a psychiatrist... is the stress that bad? While it seems ironic that just a short while ago, I wanted a more 'stable' job, stable and good govt income, benefits, regular hours, corporate wear (yes, it's uncomfortable at times but I do look good in it...=P) all these things matter lightly in the face of unreasonable demands and personal attacks. My poor colleagues had a taste of what I've been going through just the other day - and they were traumatized and disbelieve that I had to endure such...accusations for days on end, and kindly advised me to quit in my best interests of health and future prospects (no prospect to stay.)
The best advice of all came from our ex-secretary whom I could clique with - having the seat next to mine, she was also unwavering in her support, having quit the job a few weeks ago. Yes, I've been here barely a month but it's now the THIRD secretary... she likened the boss, our reason for the job being unbearable, to Miranda Priestley in 'The Devil Wears Prada', but without the dress sense. That got me thinking, and the situation I am in, bears a resemblance to the young girl character played by Anne Hathaway. Yes, it was a tough and unbearable environment - she almost lost her faithful cute boyfriend for the job, but she persevered. But end of the day, she decided that she did not want to be like Miranda Priestley, and so, threw in the towel for a job more suited to her interests. It was like a lightbulb flicked on in my head - yes, I could 'tahan' for longer if I wanted to, I am quite a strong character after all...but...end of the day, is this what I really want? Maybe having a disturbed, or non-existent relationship for keeping my job? No holidays, no life, feeling guilty when I take MC for a genuine illness? As much as I would like to believe things can get better, the numbers speak for itself - most people quit after 6 months or less - a kind finance department colleague told me not to beat myself up, for a similar girl, 'g', got the same personal attack treatment in this job... and promptly left after as short a time as me. I'm trying to be objective and not defensive about my decision, but I guess such a short time in the job would prompt questions... so in short perhaps 'it's not the right job fit', as everyone would say would be the most diplomatic answer.
Moving on, I'm not so sure what I want to do. I've always thought I'd do someting holistic, something humanitarian, involving some creativity. Which begs the question, 'what do I really want?' Not just in job, but in life itself?? I guess I want what everyone wants - being able to afford life's little luxuries, every month a little shopping for clothes, watch a couple movies, holiday twice a year etc. I guess I want a nice family and a happy marriage. Everyone wants that...all those 30plus year old friends of mine, male and female, are longing for that - not just to get hitched but, I think, to move on to the phase in life they already should have, and are starkly reminded of it when all their friends have kids and yet more kids... I feel so inadequate, at my age, I should have ample savings, I should have mastered some housekeeping skill in wielding the broom or the wok... I should have been in a place much better than where I am in, now.
But do I really want all these?...I've always thought I'm a bit different from others, and a lovely colleague said that I taught her a new way to live, my free-spirited and not being overly affected or worrying kind of mentality, have taught her to be a more carefree person. Have I? This coming from someone who took a job opportunity to work in the USA for a year - I've always wanted to work somewhere overseas for a while, but never got round to it or perhaps don't have the guts to.
Think I just need sometime to figure out what I really need to work in. Wishing right now that the almost perfect job will just drop from the sky. If not, most likely I'd be in contract positions for a while, figuring out what I really need to do.
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