Time to kill time

Read this today, in 'Girl Meets God' by Lauren Winner, a book I've gotten from Kie for my christmas present:

To read, when one does so of one's own free will, is to make a volitional statement, to cast a vote, it is to posit an elsewhere and set off toward it. And like any traveling, reading is at once a movement and a comment of sorts about the place one has left. To open a book voluntarily is at some level to remark the insufficiency either of one's life or of one's orientation toward it.
- Sven Birkerts.

I've been praying lots more now, perhaps when our busy life becomes a simpler life, we have more time to pray. Maybe simplicity is good. I find that when I'm with myself I'm not a worrywart, or a busy-bee person. I'm just someone who lives in the present and enjoys the moment and enjoy my own company, perhaps far too much. I've allocated at least an hour to cleaning out my cupboards, I seem to have numerous cupboards... and folding clothes. I've achieved a bagful more of clothes (very 'home clothes') I will throw away/recycle, after going through my wardrobe again. And surprisingly, I feel the peace of God. Despite incessant worries that my bank account is going to dry up if I am jobless for more than a few months, and what if I don't get my dream job... I feel the peace. It's in the little things I am aware of, that I have experienced this year.

On the first day of the year, at about 530ish to 6 am, TheBoyfriend and I were travelling home from a couples games night... his car battery went flat. In short, we couldn't possibly find anyone to help tow at that unearthly hour plus we HAD to get out of my residence's narrow carpark (but it was impossible to push it all the way out to the main road, those who have been to my carpark would know.) While getting quite irate at standing there and not knowing what to do, I suddenly had the idea of getting into the car and praying like a religious nut, 'laying hands on the dashboard' and hoping by some miracle the car would sputter to life. So we did that. And turned the key, hoping to hear the engine roar instead of a dying man's cough, which the dead battery sounded like... and we heard... the dying man's cough. Sigh. We got out of the car only to be approached by, 2 men, DRESSED IN WHITE, asking if we needed help to restart and before we could nod, they took out the cables and drove their orange car nearer and voila! Problem solved. Now here I must say that in Singapore, not many people 1.are knowledgeable about how to restart a car battery using their own battery, and 2. possessing the cable needed. Even my dad's car would not have such a cable (that is why I did not wake him up.) So in short, God really provided us with what we needed at the right time too. The next day the car battery was replaced in the afternoon. We just felt... at that time that we were so blessed to really have this unique experience, so very blessed.

And then, last week, TheBoyfriend's Mom, all by herself (invited by her hospital's boss) went to church!

She looked happy and here is my vague translation of dinner table talk(being 'poor' in Mandarin I did not say a word), eating the famous chicken rice at Queenstown area...

Uncle James: So you went to church today? Your son's church?
TBF Mom: No, went to one in Jalan Besar, they have buses, etc...
Uncle James: You should go 'xi li' (baptize), Go 'xi li' la...
Me: !!!
Uncle James went on to talk about some relative who baptized and the whole topic...ended up with him saying: Who knows (what may happen in the future), I might be an 'alleluia alleluia'!
Aunt Sally: You will, meh? Don't bluff. You got all those 'fo' (little buddha idols) hanging around.
Uncle James: Actually I am not the kind of devout believer, I have those because I felt it's nice to buy them, but I am not devout at all. So you never know one day.
Me:!!!

Seems they are quite open to Christ.

She later said someone in the church gave her a Bible because she had a spare, and we all could see she was utterly touched by that gesture! Here I have to say that if you feel compelled to give someone a Bible, please do so, even if you feel the person won't read it, somehow, this will make the person feel very blessed and it's a small step pointing them towards Jesus.

And I am blessed because for this year 2010, I believe too God will bless my career. It may take me 5 more years or so to reach where I'd ideally like to be, but throughout God will lead me through.

A Perfect Moment

Dear God, I need a job.



Am getting a bit panicky. Especially since the job I so want seems so close but seems that the door might be shutting on it. Sure there are other opportunities around. But I want this so much, for once, a job that I feel is designed, for me. I like EVERYTHING about the job scope and I can do well in the everything which I like... which is more than what I can say for other jobs. Before finding this job I prayed that if it's for me, let the door be open. So there were open doors, first interview, and second interview (a month later! Isn't it long?) and now I am dying with the excruciating wait. I've prayed and called everyone to pray. I've gotten a bit of a corporate wardrobe (2 pants 4 skirts 1 coat and some blouses)...Dear God!

==

Watched 'Invictus' with TheBoyfriend. A must-watch. Clint Eastwood shows has that luminous propensity to it that makes you laugh and cry, identify with the characters, all the characters in some way that makes them endear themselves to you, even the little black boy listening in to the police car's radio transmission. And while you watch this show you are faced with the questions you don't dare question yourself about, like a deep seated apartheid mentality.Of couse maybe we are born with the right skin tone, thankfully we are not 'darker', but are we discriminatory unjustifiably? I love the way the movie is being filmed and it's not easy to film sports scenes, trust me.

==

Reading 'Chasing Daylight' by Eugene O Kelly, he was the CEO (US) of KPMG when he had to step down, diagnosed with only 3 months to live. In the book he describes 'a perfect moment', the time you have with a friend, or saw something magnificent, and everything then was perfect. I hope to count such perfect moments in 2010. A beautiful sunset (or rise, if I can make it) that God created just for me. A landscape to view which you can only view by trekking for some hours or driving some hundred miles.

And I've started to enjoy the Perfect Moments.

-Playing couple game night : Rummytub and Blokus whiling away the first hours of the year. Also since we were at McDonald's, I was one of the first to buy the Doraemon 'rabbit' toy, which was later sold out during the week, which added increasingly to my glee.

-When TheBoyfriend gives me a massage : Unlike most guys, TheBoyfriend enjoys wearing couple tees, and giving massages and is actually quite good at it. And very willingly wants to serve me in this area, heh heh. He even bought a Bodyshop moisturiser for my pleasure, heh heh! I am very blessed indeed.

-I wanted to buy a pair of shoes, corporate shoes in black or brown, like a court shoe, but not so boring. And comfortable. You can imagine it's hard to find! I went to Naturalizer where the shoes are so comfy but rather ex ($150 and up) but I don't mind for a shoe I would wear almost everyday in a corporate setting. However, all the designs I liked did not have my size and I grudgingly walked out. Later, in that same shopping mall, in a shoe shop I would have never set foot in but somehow I did (Everbest), I found the perfect pair. And it was on 20% discount which made it about 1/3 the price of the former, AND the shop assisted affixed it with additional comfort pads for the sole, as the shoe was slightly large for me (it was their smallest size... are my feet really that small?!) It was a Perfect Moment when I spied and tried the shoe, and later walked out. I think the satisfaction beats buying 10 shoes you don't really love.

The author of the book also writes about unwinding relationships, friends he had to catch up with for one last time. And throughout the course of this 2010, I also want to catch more of the people I would like to spend time with, and make the reverse also true. Without meaning to sound mean, there are some people I hang out with (and you will agree with me on this) just because they are more proactive in meeting us, or they happen to live or work nearby. But if you think about it sincerely, they aren't the people you would most like to spend time with. (This ideology also applies to holidays or where we spend our weekends, the most often-gone place may not be the place we ideally want to spend time at).

And spending time with those means that we neglect to spend time with the ones we care about more. He writes that in the last decade of his work, he only found time to have weekday lunch with his wife.... TWICE. In the last decade. And he reminisces that if he had lived the way he did for the next decade, things would be exactly the same, until he found out that he had 3 months to live, and so his upcoming death changed his life. For me, I innerly lament that some people whom I'd love to meet more often, I meet seldom-ly in the last year. So, I'm going to make an effort this year.

It's a good book which we all should read before it gets too late - oh, and especially hard to find. Despite it being a NY bestseller, I think I only saw it at Pageone Vivocity.

prayed

Getting my reading fix this week by indulging my transportation hours with Victor Hugo's Les Miserables.

Somehow, the classics I choose always seem to resonate with the kind of situation I am facing in my everyday life. The last, Jane Austen's Persuasion, the heroine met her true love at 19... sigh.

These books are found at MPH Raffles City for only $5.89... quite a steal.
All the characters in Les Miserables very poor thing one... makes me feel sort of gladdened that we live in this day and age where no one is destined to be so miserable. Still, we have our little troubles and fears.

Read this interesting piece which I shall reiterate here:

They pray.
To whom?
To God.
Pray to God, what is meant by that?
Is there an infinite outside of us? Is this infinite, one, inherent, permanent; necessarily substantial, because it is infinite, and because, if matter were wanting to it, it would in that respect be limited; necessarily intelligent, because it is infinite, and because, if it lacked intelligence, it would be to that extent, finite?

Does this infinite awaken in us the idea of essence, while we are able to attribute to ourselves the idea of existence only? In other words, is it not the absolute of which we are the relative?

At the same time, while there is an infinite outside of us, is there not an infinite within us? These two infinites (fearful plural!) do they not rest superposed on one another? Does not the second infinite underlie the first, so to speak? Is it not the mirror, the reflection, the echo of the first, an abyss concentric with another abyss? Is this second infinite, intelligent also? Does it think? Does it love? Does it will? If the two infinites be intelligent, each one of them has a will principle, and there is a 'me' in the infinite above, as there is a 'me' in the infinite below. The 'me' below is the soul, the 'me' above is God.

To place, by process of thought, the infinite below in contact with the infinite above, is called 'prayer'.

It goes on.
I shall finish 'book one' by this week and buy 'book two' next week!