The lee.wee.chee. enclave

found this wonderful TCC(the coffee connection), newly opened whilst traipsing along the singapore river yesterday...its at circular road, stumbled upon it when I was looking for the one at boat quay(they are closed for renovation, now), a good place to go to as it opens till 2am, there aren't many decent places to go to for nightbirds like me in Singapore.

i think it's going to be one of my fave places to hang out now... while it still remains unknown and tucked away... from the outside, it looks like any other ordinary coffee place, but hey, take a journey up to the second floor and there are nice big comfy beanbags(!!), plenty of space, not like the chairleg-to-chairleg squeeze at coffeebucks; artwork by einstein kristansen all around and low tables, plus a decent restroom. woooo... the four of us: frank(lee), carol(wee) and kenneth(chee) just pounced on one beanbag each and looked at each other in bliss. This post-combined-cell-outing was turning out just fine... ... Frank was everywhere, snapping up the artworks on the wall with his new nokia handphone (with built in camera, video and voice recorder, compass, temperature check, the works)... I just slurped up the spicy orangecarrot soup (its an acquired taste) and flipped through the many art books available. There's one of van gogh's works, and many high end graphic and fashion books. P Carol would love this place; which coincidentally she was asking me about it early in the week, which I sincerely replied that I've never heard about this art gallery-cum-cafe before.

Now i'm thinking of a gazillion friends to bring there, tell them, 'hey, look what i've found, isn't it lovely?', and they'd all nod their heads in various levels of enthusiasm. Already, I'm planning for our ex camp comm dinner to be held there (that's the wwd2 camp comm) ...in october, plus bringing all my nice, arty friends who loves beanbags as much as I do, and are totally sick of the wisma-taka-downtown area... ... Meanwhile, the place should be kept a secret... just imagining a rowdy crowd there makes my mouth go dry already. A Rachel-and-associates enclave, fits me just fine.=)

misSCHOOLed

Took some time off work to go to school, haha i'm specially requested to be there for a meeting, actually a 'panel for validation', some UK lecturers from the Open U were there to inquire about our lives as degree students in LaSalle-SIA. I guess only the British can wear a short sleeved shirt with a tie and still not look hilarious.

Did not even think I would say this, but I sort of miss school, all the bad things about it, the expensive and undelicious canteen food, the squirmingly hot weather, the superficial people, the ghastly toilets... I did enjoy myself somewhat, the last 2 sems... although the lack of sleep did terrible things to my constitution, the 5 free days in a week was great, and the relative un-monotony of doing my projects and pushing my ideas was fun to me... ... hectic no doubt, but its to be expected being an 'accelerated honors course'... well I am glad it is over, but I do wish it had lasted longer... If I had a spare $20K on hand... I would ... study the MA at CSM... read the course requirements immediately after getting my results in May, yea I think I should be able to apply and get in with no problem... however I do not have this amount of money, and anyways, if I really had this amount I would probably travel around Europe, or buy a motorbike, or set up a pasar malam or something...

yea...

if only God gave us everything we wished for.

but if I had everything I wished for... I don't think I would have the time and energy to enjoy them, or even realise that I could be happy where I am and with what I have. Right?

Soooo.... my school of thought is that some dreams are better left unfufilled, at least in my life... the little things that I have seem more valuable that way.

And I know some things can't be taken away, at least for now...

shine on...

Can't seem to concentrate on anything these days... i fear i've gotten into the routine of work-eat-sleep... my brain doesn't seem to be functioning right too... i think it's flown away to holiday in france or someplace far far away... when i want to think about things i just sit there and stone... perhaps i'm not getting enough sleep. well...

giffy was so ... enduring when i met him on monday, somehow it just occurred to me that he's all grown up now, the way he carries my stuff and talks... its so funny, all this while i've always viewed him as a small, slightly fragile, gentle creature who needs attention, water and love.. those who know him will laugh because he... well he's scrawny but not all that small. still, he appeals to my motherly instincts... the fact hit me on monday that he isn't really all that young... he is quite independent really... hoho. kinda awed by his sensitivity to my feelings... i was quite afraid to bring a really cranky mood to our meeting so i tried to lighten up too... we did have fun catching up, as i hoped... told him about my backpacking plans... i wonder if i will be under fire if we go some places together... ... but then i'd probably throw all caution to the wind. afterall, the "young and impressionable ones" need to grow up someday.

the bright spark today was receiving ches' email first thing in the morning... i pored over it, managed to get it printed out too =) my lift keeps opening on the 10th floor, i am running out of things to pray for him... thank God that he shared some things I could pray for. God works in strange ways, i never thought that we could stay connected in such a bizarre way! chester made 3 rules for himself, which i think i will follow too, at least for the next 2 weeks or so: 1. Don't complain (yea... ) 2. Don't judge.. 3. observe the 2 rules, haha... I guess it would be quite challenging for me as i am always griping about stuff, not complaining though, just ... griping... perhaps i should lower the high standards i have for people and stuff. i think though, it is easy to stay cheerful if we focus on thanking God for what we have... ... and as usual, i don't take my good advice... i did try to sing cheerful songs to myself, but then ironically i read proverbs 25:20 NLT and... somehow God spoke to me in such a humorous way that i could only grimace... can't wait to go backpacking... the desire gets stronger each day. have i been feeding it?

Chuchotement imprudent

::wrote a poem yesterday::

Chuchotement imprudent

Parfois
Tout ce qui conte est l’intensité du moment
Brève nuances
Et les touches volées

Sauver
De ce qui conte
Signifie
Ce qui conte
Est avec, mais pas sans

Tout le monde change
Certaines personnes se laisse emporter
Certaines attendent que cela termine
Certaines sont intentionnelles
Certaines vivent avec un mensonge

Je réalise trop tard
Je suis tombé amoureux
J’ai peur de cela
C’est ça mais un moment bref;
Comme une chuchotement imprudente.

mooncake monday

kinda din sleep well last night, kept imagining planes crashing and burning. Bloodshot eyes and there is only one gallon of water left at my office (Drank 2 gallons last week.) So far filled up my water bottle twice... have to limit if not I think I'm becoming like a camel...realise I drink water to release tension... ah well better than eating, speaking of which I realise I have no appetite lately. i'm not complaining though...

oh well.

looking forward to collect my mooncakes from giffy later. Hope it's good... my brother pesters me everyday to buy mooncakes for him...

meanwhile slacking for awhile before I meet Charlotte for lunch...I wonder what she will say to me? =)
so this is to ... know myself better, I guess...'cut n paste' from friendster

o1- i am : who I think I am, who you think I am, who God thinks I am
o2- i love : God...
o3- i hate : hate is such a strong word...
o4- i fear : doing anything that might dishonor God in any way
o5- i hope : to see my dreams fufilled, to live a fufilling life
o6- i hear : nuances and unseen spheres
o7- i regret : my colorful past
o8- i cry : only about God-stuff and past hurts
o9- i care : for the people around me
1o- i always : ... always never do the same things, I live for change
11- i believe : that world peace is necessary
12- i feel alone : when I'm running away from reality
13- i listen : to His still small voice
14- i hide : my feelings
15- i sing : almost all the time, especially when I'm happy =)
16- i dance : when I think no one's looking
17- i write : write songs poems letters tawg journal
18- i play : games...
19- i dun play : ...
2o- i miss : sentimental times and memories gone
21- i search : for the time when my destiny can be fufilled
22- i feel : I don't know how I feel most of the time
23- i don't know : about tomorrow...
24- i talk : to people and animals and myself...and God...
25- i succeed : success is measured by? ... still finding out...
26- i fail : in many areas but it has helped my to live out my tomorrows better
27- i dream : BIG dreams! Some say impossible... But I believe it can happen...
28- i wonder : about "my happy ending" i.e. the future; and whether I have the right perspective of it
29- i want : more of everything...
3o- i have : nothing
31- i give : too much of myself sometimes
32- i fell : mm...... now it's more of paper cuts...
33- i hurt : from the paper cuts... need finger guards...
34- i tell : the blunt honest truth
35- i may : migrate
36- i adore : nature
37- i am not : unintelligent
38- i bitch : never...
39- i need : water! the sustenance of life...
40- i can't : make my tongue touch the tip of my nose =)

markos

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."

-Carl Jung (1875-1961)

No more words to say so just sum it up in this quote just wish that he will take care and may God bless him and have fun and study hard be cheerful and sincere always, and just be the nice gentle sweet soul he is... to touch and impact so many lives there as he has impacted mine so so much... ...

next stop: tanjong pagar

It's almost one week (4 days actually) since I started work, this temp job at tanjong pagar... how I got this job is really amazing, through a friend of a friend, and they hired me on the spot with an okay salary, and also nice little perks like there is always food around, can use msn and surf the net as long as I get my work done, and everyone is friendly... what more can I ask for?
Plus, the Annie's Peanut Ice Kachang is superb... it was like a work of art... I took pics of it with my cameraphone.

I was being so energized on the way home yesterday and sms-ed some of my friends how blessed I was and yesterday, I counted my blessings... ...

1. God answered my prayer that I won't have to eat alone - all the people in the office usually have lunch meetings...On the first day of work, I saw Chung Hao nearby and he agreed to have lunch with me yesterday! God is amazing and I was so happy I didn't have to eat lunch alone. Yea!

2. It takes less than an hour to reach my workplace from home, that means I can still wake up at 7am and have time for breakfast =) and time to pray in the morning for about 10mins.

3. Office needs more staff, so I jio Mingwei and Meiling to work there too... it's not confirmed but I do hope they can join me!

4. The courier service my Dad is liasing with may be also employed by this company... which means more income for my family...

5. Found a nice grandma who makes really beautiful bags, very affordable too, I felt like buying the whole pushcart shop down. I'm quite particular about bags so it's quite rare actually to find one I really like. Bought one for my best friend's birthday, and got the grandma's contact details so I can maybe sell her bags in my shop if I open one!

...And all these happened in just one day... It was an amazing day...If all these are not from God, not His favor or His blessings, I don't know what is! =) Prayer and praying for others to be blessed really makes a difference, because the blessings just bounce back.

the delusional terminal

... I seem to be sighing ever so much lately. it's september, in this retrospective mood i am taking stock of the time that has passed and i do realize that it flies by so fast...all too soon, certain things that i take for granted will change, leave like a jet plane, and do i not leave myself space enough to mourn or to be in anguish, but to just compartmentalize my feelings thoughts emotions dreams??? it's stupid and i know i am setting myself up for greater disappointment, but God knows i have been praying, crying out to Him to resolve, tear away anything from my life, actions, thoughts that dishonor Him. My core value is to bring honor to God, and i am terrified of stumbling anyone or even, to make anyone feel unhappy at the expense of my own (selfish) happiness. what to do... i dunno i guess just keep trusting Him no matter how cliche that sounds, and i know how difficult it is to do so at this point in time. I think a little part of me will ... 'die'.... be extinguished, or just fade away... or maybe, i should run away from it... ...yea...