Please view my jewellery designs (so far only these few as it is really time consuming)
at www.spiriteddesigns.blogspot.com !
I was inspired to do these as you can't find good quality jewellery at this mid-range price (either really expensive, or those cheapo plastic ones.) So, I made my own and it has been very fulfilling.
As it is ''spirited designs'', of course some upcoming ones will have cross motifs and etc. These are going to be popular I hope.
Right now the collection features vintage keys, chains, rosettes and nice brooches.
Thank you so much for your support!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
The perks of being thin
Being one of the tallest girls in my kindergarten, and primary, and secondary, I always felt like I was 'too tall'. Even though then and now, many girls would come and tell me I was their 'ideal height'. Maybe it works for you when you are in showbiz or a model. Me, I'm just an ordinary slim tall gal! Heels make me self conscious as I'd then tower over most of the guys. I'm not 'too tall' now, most of the guys have caught up with me since then.
I've always assumed that being thin comes naturally with being tall. After all, 'lanky' is an apt description for tallies like us. However I've always wanted to be more... voluptuous, despite lots of girls telling me they envy my long legs, my erh, ability to wear almost anything and still look okay. I never knew girls had so much trouble in the wardrobe department when they are slightly chubby, when they have to watch what they eat and still put on weight from drinking water. I don't exercise much (walk a lot though) but then, I don't eat much either and I'm hyperactive so that combination is a good one, I guess. I just lost 1 kg from 2 days of flu plus 2 weeks of no-lunch lunch. Actually, I don't feel hungry often, I guess I just eat to gain energy and kill time, of course I enjoy savoring the taste of delicious food as well! I think I'm quite in touch with my own body - I don't weigh myself regularly, but felt thinner on the limbs plus my ring was loose... I guess the experts are right, it's hardest to lose in the tummy and thighs area, although my thighs are non existent thanks to the no-visible-hipbone genes... But after the flu somehow felt myself being thinner. Every kg makes a difference when you are thinner I guess. My butt disappeared when I lost 5 kg during dengue last year. A secret: Drink Meiji milk. I drank a litre and it came back like normal!
And 'normal' girls won't want to associate themselves with me... it's like I'm in a class of my own. It's hard to go shopping with me actually... 'normal' girls will lose their self esteem when I can fit into anything 'free size' and usually, Euro/US 'small'. I don't even usually try on tops. Don't ask me about Asian brands though as I always find their hemlines too short for my long torso.
The downsides of being thin - or odd sized:
1. People just say that you are blessed with a high metabolism rate (How many times I've heard that, man...)
2...and can't identify with 'normal girl' problems of water retention, tummy, calorie count, taking half an hour to decide what to wear, can't find clothes to fit... etc.
3. Mean office 'aunties' will try to stuff you with extra mooncakes, oily breakfast and other extra snacks you don't usually take.
4. You always need padding for bras and can't wear black or dark colors, even if you like them.
5. Because of being too bony, wired bras chafe your skin and so does g-strings till you're rubbed red and raw.
But being thin has its perks. Of course, only thin and superthin girls can identify with me. Heh.
1. You don't have to worry about sagging parts when you get old. Hee...At least they will be slightly less sagging...
2. You feel so darn good when you ask the salesgirl, "Oh, size 'M' is what waist length in inches? Hmmm... I think it will be too loose. Give me 'S' instead."
3. You start to feel less darn good when 'S' is still loose...
4. You feel so pleased when you can fit into a size 25inch jeans with space to spare and just wish that the waist number is printed on the back, like Levis'...
5. You can give people healthy eating and/or dieting and exercising advice and you won't see any skeptical looks or frowns.
6. You don't look like a waddling duck when pregnant and you still have long legs to showcase ala Heidi Klum.
7. Plus you will never suffer the indignity of wearing size "L" except when pregnant.
8. No one will refer to you as 'fatso', 'hamburger', 'miss piggy' or ask you, 'How far along are you?' innocently when you sport a dress with sports shoes.
9. No one will exclaim 'Oh you've lost so much weight!' happily when you have lost weight. They'd just say, eat more, you're losing too much.
And the clincher...
10. You get the much sought after extra piece of mooncake with double egg yolk that all the aunties don't dare to eat infront of the other aunties, thus passing it to you, saying, "You can afford (to eat without worrying) it!"
Cheerio!
I've always assumed that being thin comes naturally with being tall. After all, 'lanky' is an apt description for tallies like us. However I've always wanted to be more... voluptuous, despite lots of girls telling me they envy my long legs, my erh, ability to wear almost anything and still look okay. I never knew girls had so much trouble in the wardrobe department when they are slightly chubby, when they have to watch what they eat and still put on weight from drinking water. I don't exercise much (walk a lot though) but then, I don't eat much either and I'm hyperactive so that combination is a good one, I guess. I just lost 1 kg from 2 days of flu plus 2 weeks of no-lunch lunch. Actually, I don't feel hungry often, I guess I just eat to gain energy and kill time, of course I enjoy savoring the taste of delicious food as well! I think I'm quite in touch with my own body - I don't weigh myself regularly, but felt thinner on the limbs plus my ring was loose... I guess the experts are right, it's hardest to lose in the tummy and thighs area, although my thighs are non existent thanks to the no-visible-hipbone genes... But after the flu somehow felt myself being thinner. Every kg makes a difference when you are thinner I guess. My butt disappeared when I lost 5 kg during dengue last year. A secret: Drink Meiji milk. I drank a litre and it came back like normal!
And 'normal' girls won't want to associate themselves with me... it's like I'm in a class of my own. It's hard to go shopping with me actually... 'normal' girls will lose their self esteem when I can fit into anything 'free size' and usually, Euro/US 'small'. I don't even usually try on tops. Don't ask me about Asian brands though as I always find their hemlines too short for my long torso.
The downsides of being thin - or odd sized:
1. People just say that you are blessed with a high metabolism rate (How many times I've heard that, man...)
2...and can't identify with 'normal girl' problems of water retention, tummy, calorie count, taking half an hour to decide what to wear, can't find clothes to fit... etc.
3. Mean office 'aunties' will try to stuff you with extra mooncakes, oily breakfast and other extra snacks you don't usually take.
4. You always need padding for bras and can't wear black or dark colors, even if you like them.
5. Because of being too bony, wired bras chafe your skin and so does g-strings till you're rubbed red and raw.
But being thin has its perks. Of course, only thin and superthin girls can identify with me. Heh.
1. You don't have to worry about sagging parts when you get old. Hee...At least they will be slightly less sagging...
2. You feel so darn good when you ask the salesgirl, "Oh, size 'M' is what waist length in inches? Hmmm... I think it will be too loose. Give me 'S' instead."
3. You start to feel less darn good when 'S' is still loose...
4. You feel so pleased when you can fit into a size 25inch jeans with space to spare and just wish that the waist number is printed on the back, like Levis'...
5. You can give people healthy eating and/or dieting and exercising advice and you won't see any skeptical looks or frowns.
6. You don't look like a waddling duck when pregnant and you still have long legs to showcase ala Heidi Klum.
7. Plus you will never suffer the indignity of wearing size "L" except when pregnant.
8. No one will refer to you as 'fatso', 'hamburger', 'miss piggy' or ask you, 'How far along are you?' innocently when you sport a dress with sports shoes.
9. No one will exclaim 'Oh you've lost so much weight!' happily when you have lost weight. They'd just say, eat more, you're losing too much.
And the clincher...
10. You get the much sought after extra piece of mooncake with double egg yolk that all the aunties don't dare to eat infront of the other aunties, thus passing it to you, saying, "You can afford (to eat without worrying) it!"
Cheerio!
Friday, September 22, 2006
Money and meaningless things that affect us
Someone mentioned that the price of shuttlecocks have gone up... All I can say, certain things affect other (industries) in different ways!
Yes, because of the chicken flu. I also have flu, these last couple of days. I wonder if my absence has affected anyone...?
I guess for most people small things in life don't seem to have much of an impact... Until that thing - taken for granted, disappears. Most people blame the government and complain about the recent IMF, that the road diversion seems to be very un-pedestrian and driver-friendly, that the policemen (Never knew there were so many!) situated at almost all our major shopping centres seem to add a heightened sense of insecurity... Being unhappy about such small stuff is a choice - Sure, I too glance at my watch more than a few times while passing through the diversion to my office the last weeks, but the time delay I would say at most, is just a mere 10 minutes, so why get so worked up over this small 'wastage' of time where during other instances, we fritter time away too.
Been watching Oprah - about 'debt diet', how many Americans are struggling in debt yet can't bear to give up their extravagant, wasteful lifestyles. I think money for them becomes a neccessity. It's a different outlook on life when you work for the monthly salary, compared to when you don't really need it and work to pass the time... and surprisingly, the latter is less stressed and ultimately performs better. I've seen many cases like this in my office. For myself, I don't work best under stress, rather, under a consistent, relaxed effort I cruise.
I used to 'count the cost' of many things - write down all my expenses in a book, fret about how much is left over in my bank account. Unfortunately I never mastered the habit of saving during my secondary school days - I'm not someone who buys a lot of stuff, but, the money goes to entertainment, mostly. See, I get bored easily and it doesn't pain my heart to watch maybe 3 movies in a week. The price is comparable (during my time) to going out for coffee... so why not watch a movie instead? Now... I think my choice of movie screenings become pickier - or do I realise that there are not many good shows to watch nowadays?
So, I am very afraid to get into debt, and I think that is a good thing... Even borrowing money... I do try to REMEMBER to pay it off asap. The thing is I've a really bad memory so all those who borrowed money from me... I hope I get it back someday. I've seen families like those on Oprah, stressed to death about keeping up with the bills, and seeing our way of life in sg, I have a sick feeling that that's going to be the case for many around me. See, previously the clothes in Robinsons', M&S, etc those departmental store brands were the norm - They were affordable, although, of course, basic and slightly frumpy. But hey, everyone I knew would buy from these staples. Our pagers never needed changing and mobile phones could last at least a year or two before some accident happens and it dies on us... And even if some accident happens, I remember them being more lasting! Now, mobile phones twice the price has a lead time of 6 months to a year. Clothes no longer are cheap. Look at Topshop, a simple dress costs at least $100. Even Giordano... wow. I won't make a last resort to those cheapo HongKong or China blouses though... It just looks bad.
And talking about handphones, in my lifetime I have used about ... 7? phones. Starting with a Motorola V-something (previously Motorola and Ericsson were the market leader) which screen changes color as different people call you... Of course that time the screen was gray with black font. I had many Nokias, and even the Motorola startac, the flip phone - the predecessor of the Razr. That was still one of the best designs if you ask me. Of course, Nokia soon won popularity with its user friendly functions although, up till now it's still so thick and heavy.
For most of us we buy things to keep ourselves happy. Me, included. Buying small cute things gives me an adrenalin rush for most of the day - similar to creating something of worth be it a painting, a necklace... Well, I do hope that we won't find ourselves having perpetual debt - In my line of work I've met many savvy investors who has that spare 5 or 6 figure sum to spare. Maybe we might rationalise, oh, those are the high flyers in the company. Or, those come from a rich family, or they have not many liabilities, no kids, no old parents etc. But surprise, surprise! Most of them come from rich families (true) that did not leave them any money, instead, teaching them how to afford the kind of lifestyle you want. And so, they look just like any other sg family, working in a middle management job. But they know how to save and what to spend on. And they will be much better off than the rest of us!
I've found my rich Dad, a mentor to guide me in the business area. I hope I'm teachable enough to start doing the right things at an early age. Some people believe that they want to be bankrupt before 30, so they can learn how to be a millionaire in the future. Me, I'm not so high-risk but not so chicken either. At my age I've gone to many places and met many people some can only dream about when they secure that higher management title. To step out in faith, there will be open heavens, said Fifi. Yes! I believe that whatever you step out in faith to do, there will be a new lesson learnt, a new experience and most of all, you learn how to face adversity, how to be strong.
When I see people complaining much about the small things in life, I guess they have not learnt how to complain about the big things.
Yes, because of the chicken flu. I also have flu, these last couple of days. I wonder if my absence has affected anyone...?
I guess for most people small things in life don't seem to have much of an impact... Until that thing - taken for granted, disappears. Most people blame the government and complain about the recent IMF, that the road diversion seems to be very un-pedestrian and driver-friendly, that the policemen (Never knew there were so many!) situated at almost all our major shopping centres seem to add a heightened sense of insecurity... Being unhappy about such small stuff is a choice - Sure, I too glance at my watch more than a few times while passing through the diversion to my office the last weeks, but the time delay I would say at most, is just a mere 10 minutes, so why get so worked up over this small 'wastage' of time where during other instances, we fritter time away too.
Been watching Oprah - about 'debt diet', how many Americans are struggling in debt yet can't bear to give up their extravagant, wasteful lifestyles. I think money for them becomes a neccessity. It's a different outlook on life when you work for the monthly salary, compared to when you don't really need it and work to pass the time... and surprisingly, the latter is less stressed and ultimately performs better. I've seen many cases like this in my office. For myself, I don't work best under stress, rather, under a consistent, relaxed effort I cruise.
I used to 'count the cost' of many things - write down all my expenses in a book, fret about how much is left over in my bank account. Unfortunately I never mastered the habit of saving during my secondary school days - I'm not someone who buys a lot of stuff, but, the money goes to entertainment, mostly. See, I get bored easily and it doesn't pain my heart to watch maybe 3 movies in a week. The price is comparable (during my time) to going out for coffee... so why not watch a movie instead? Now... I think my choice of movie screenings become pickier - or do I realise that there are not many good shows to watch nowadays?
So, I am very afraid to get into debt, and I think that is a good thing... Even borrowing money... I do try to REMEMBER to pay it off asap. The thing is I've a really bad memory so all those who borrowed money from me... I hope I get it back someday. I've seen families like those on Oprah, stressed to death about keeping up with the bills, and seeing our way of life in sg, I have a sick feeling that that's going to be the case for many around me. See, previously the clothes in Robinsons', M&S, etc those departmental store brands were the norm - They were affordable, although, of course, basic and slightly frumpy. But hey, everyone I knew would buy from these staples. Our pagers never needed changing and mobile phones could last at least a year or two before some accident happens and it dies on us... And even if some accident happens, I remember them being more lasting! Now, mobile phones twice the price has a lead time of 6 months to a year. Clothes no longer are cheap. Look at Topshop, a simple dress costs at least $100. Even Giordano... wow. I won't make a last resort to those cheapo HongKong or China blouses though... It just looks bad.
And talking about handphones, in my lifetime I have used about ... 7? phones. Starting with a Motorola V-something (previously Motorola and Ericsson were the market leader) which screen changes color as different people call you... Of course that time the screen was gray with black font. I had many Nokias, and even the Motorola startac, the flip phone - the predecessor of the Razr. That was still one of the best designs if you ask me. Of course, Nokia soon won popularity with its user friendly functions although, up till now it's still so thick and heavy.
For most of us we buy things to keep ourselves happy. Me, included. Buying small cute things gives me an adrenalin rush for most of the day - similar to creating something of worth be it a painting, a necklace... Well, I do hope that we won't find ourselves having perpetual debt - In my line of work I've met many savvy investors who has that spare 5 or 6 figure sum to spare. Maybe we might rationalise, oh, those are the high flyers in the company. Or, those come from a rich family, or they have not many liabilities, no kids, no old parents etc. But surprise, surprise! Most of them come from rich families (true) that did not leave them any money, instead, teaching them how to afford the kind of lifestyle you want. And so, they look just like any other sg family, working in a middle management job. But they know how to save and what to spend on. And they will be much better off than the rest of us!
I've found my rich Dad, a mentor to guide me in the business area. I hope I'm teachable enough to start doing the right things at an early age. Some people believe that they want to be bankrupt before 30, so they can learn how to be a millionaire in the future. Me, I'm not so high-risk but not so chicken either. At my age I've gone to many places and met many people some can only dream about when they secure that higher management title. To step out in faith, there will be open heavens, said Fifi. Yes! I believe that whatever you step out in faith to do, there will be a new lesson learnt, a new experience and most of all, you learn how to face adversity, how to be strong.
When I see people complaining much about the small things in life, I guess they have not learnt how to complain about the big things.
Monday, September 18, 2006
On a jewellery hunt...
Christmas is commmmming.... fa la la la la!
What can I say? I do like to plan ahead. Especially with the weather so bleak these days, reminds me of the 'wintry' Xmas mood =)
And seeing so many people making their own jewellery at the bazaar and elsewhere online, I was inspired to do my own. Mostly because in shops I cannot find what I am looking for, and I cannot bear to wear something someone else has. Hee, exclusive me. Was pretty intrigued at a friend's Lego earrings her ardent coll got for her. Sweet. Well, I like chunky kiddy stuff but unfortunately it's a no-no at work. Though I dared to wear Crocs once 'cause of the rainy wet ground. Don't you just hate the feeling of wet slippery sandals...
So lately have been on the lookout for craft shops which unfortunately in sg, is as rare as... LD records shop... I think making art and craft is really a dying pasttime. No one embroiders or makes those beaded fruit trees anymore. Noooo. Funnily went out with dear YH to Holland V yesterday...thought they should have those trinket shops... well there were 2 and one was closed and it was "Forever Company" (yong heng gong si) in Chinese... Was so funny I just stood there laughing...As Mr Forever is out with me... we joked that's why he closed the shop!
Today ended work early (self declared!) so I made a trip to one of the slightly musty shops in my hometown... surprise, they have all sorts of newfangled items like those anchor, sailor trinkets that is so so in right now plus of course all the old beaded stuff. Also many new kinds of beads, and everything to make jewellery with. So happy! (The next thing I will embark on is scrapbooking and painting, which I used to do) Bought to my budget of $15... forgoed the anchor trinket - think it will be outta fashion soon, plus it was too common now... And so!
Surprisingly happy with my original, exclusive design.
But I took really long to make it. Ha. One and a half hours! I didn't know what to do, where to hook etc. First time mah. But now I know. A long necklace next? I must say that it's really relaxing just twisting and chilling out with the radio in this weather... Maybe I'd make a piece for all my cell girls... or those trinket keychain... or something! Slowly... one a week? Hehe.
Anyone want to place order... ...
Shannon thanks for the link http://www.subversivejewelry.com/
What can I say? I do like to plan ahead. Especially with the weather so bleak these days, reminds me of the 'wintry' Xmas mood =)
And seeing so many people making their own jewellery at the bazaar and elsewhere online, I was inspired to do my own. Mostly because in shops I cannot find what I am looking for, and I cannot bear to wear something someone else has. Hee, exclusive me. Was pretty intrigued at a friend's Lego earrings her ardent coll got for her. Sweet. Well, I like chunky kiddy stuff but unfortunately it's a no-no at work. Though I dared to wear Crocs once 'cause of the rainy wet ground. Don't you just hate the feeling of wet slippery sandals...
So lately have been on the lookout for craft shops which unfortunately in sg, is as rare as... LD records shop... I think making art and craft is really a dying pasttime. No one embroiders or makes those beaded fruit trees anymore. Noooo. Funnily went out with dear YH to Holland V yesterday...thought they should have those trinket shops... well there were 2 and one was closed and it was "Forever Company" (yong heng gong si) in Chinese... Was so funny I just stood there laughing...As Mr Forever is out with me... we joked that's why he closed the shop!
Today ended work early (self declared!) so I made a trip to one of the slightly musty shops in my hometown... surprise, they have all sorts of newfangled items like those anchor, sailor trinkets that is so so in right now plus of course all the old beaded stuff. Also many new kinds of beads, and everything to make jewellery with. So happy! (The next thing I will embark on is scrapbooking and painting, which I used to do) Bought to my budget of $15... forgoed the anchor trinket - think it will be outta fashion soon, plus it was too common now... And so!
Surprisingly happy with my original, exclusive design.
But I took really long to make it. Ha. One and a half hours! I didn't know what to do, where to hook etc. First time mah. But now I know. A long necklace next? I must say that it's really relaxing just twisting and chilling out with the radio in this weather... Maybe I'd make a piece for all my cell girls... or those trinket keychain... or something! Slowly... one a week? Hehe.
Anyone want to place order... ...
Shannon thanks for the link http://www.subversivejewelry.com/
Friday, September 15, 2006
Friday Meme
I love asking and answering questions, they keep me sane.
Once again some questions to ponder upon while skipping lunch this rainy afternoon.
One body part you’d like to change?
I'm actually quite satisfied but I wish my feet could fit into normal shoes without any discomfort so I'd own 100 pairs of sexy heels instead of 2 for work.
Describe your ideal Saturday.
It would have to be waking up late, no work, bright sunny morning and a day out relaxing at the beach, reading a novel, or walking through flea marts and eating nice nolstalgic food.
What have you got for leftovers in your fridge?
Hum...nothing much. Half eaten chocolate bar. Usually not much leftovers! Haha...
You get to travel back in time for one day. How far back do you go and why?
I go back to the time when we had a way to change lives and change things. Probably to when Singapore was declaring independence...
If you had one hour with the President, what would you say to him?
I'd ask him how much he earns and spend that one hour convincing him to invest at least a 7 figure sum with me, hee...
One body part you’d never change?
My lips - always flushed and I never need to wear lipstick, plus they look full of collagen. I inherited them...Angelina Jolie type lips. Always took them for granted till I realised the problems thin lips have...
Your most favorite thing about being where you are in life right now?
Probably the fact that I have not much worries, no liabilities and enjoying my work almost every single day. That I'm still young- yet not that young where I'm not respected... yet young enough to be wilful at times without suffering much repercussions.
Ultra-violet rays or tan-in-a-bottle?
Go to Sentosa! Where the sun always shines... Then again, it has to be a whole day out. Right now am using "Hawaiian Tropics" brand of sunless bronzing cream - appears to be a moisturiser but slowly turns your skin into a nice subtle tan. I like it very much. This brand has nice suntanning lotion too.
You have an unlimited expense account; what three things do you purchase first?
A 3G palm type phone is first that comes to mind... since I really need it. The rest... Well, I would buy a house - a shophouse, and then a nice car... volkswagen van or beetle or golf...
Your least favorite thing being where you are in life right now?
Knowing that time is precious, that each year you waste right now you will live to regret it... being caught up in the daily grind of things with friends so busy that we never have time to catch up.
==
I am wondering about the state of things and what am I going to do next year. How is life like and whether the things I plant my time into will bear fruit, or at least, let me learn something new. I need challenges but I need the resources to be there as well. Am blessed by the people around me, helpful and encouraging ones whom I certainly want them to be a part of my life in the future. It's scary to imagine that in 2-5 years from now I will have everything I ever wanted, except maybe having a retail chain of my own - one of my passions and wishes. I hope that life does bring joy and hope, healing, happiness to the ones around me. Truly, that they regard the things they own not as theirs but something they are blessed by. How to be truly happy is to find joy in places you never knew existed, small things like a nice belt or a favorite purse... and to thank God for it and everything else.
Once again some questions to ponder upon while skipping lunch this rainy afternoon.
One body part you’d like to change?
I'm actually quite satisfied but I wish my feet could fit into normal shoes without any discomfort so I'd own 100 pairs of sexy heels instead of 2 for work.
Describe your ideal Saturday.
It would have to be waking up late, no work, bright sunny morning and a day out relaxing at the beach, reading a novel, or walking through flea marts and eating nice nolstalgic food.
What have you got for leftovers in your fridge?
Hum...nothing much. Half eaten chocolate bar. Usually not much leftovers! Haha...
You get to travel back in time for one day. How far back do you go and why?
I go back to the time when we had a way to change lives and change things. Probably to when Singapore was declaring independence...
If you had one hour with the President, what would you say to him?
I'd ask him how much he earns and spend that one hour convincing him to invest at least a 7 figure sum with me, hee...
One body part you’d never change?
My lips - always flushed and I never need to wear lipstick, plus they look full of collagen. I inherited them...Angelina Jolie type lips. Always took them for granted till I realised the problems thin lips have...
Your most favorite thing about being where you are in life right now?
Probably the fact that I have not much worries, no liabilities and enjoying my work almost every single day. That I'm still young- yet not that young where I'm not respected... yet young enough to be wilful at times without suffering much repercussions.
Ultra-violet rays or tan-in-a-bottle?
Go to Sentosa! Where the sun always shines... Then again, it has to be a whole day out. Right now am using "Hawaiian Tropics" brand of sunless bronzing cream - appears to be a moisturiser but slowly turns your skin into a nice subtle tan. I like it very much. This brand has nice suntanning lotion too.
You have an unlimited expense account; what three things do you purchase first?
A 3G palm type phone is first that comes to mind... since I really need it. The rest... Well, I would buy a house - a shophouse, and then a nice car... volkswagen van or beetle or golf...
Your least favorite thing being where you are in life right now?
Knowing that time is precious, that each year you waste right now you will live to regret it... being caught up in the daily grind of things with friends so busy that we never have time to catch up.
==
I am wondering about the state of things and what am I going to do next year. How is life like and whether the things I plant my time into will bear fruit, or at least, let me learn something new. I need challenges but I need the resources to be there as well. Am blessed by the people around me, helpful and encouraging ones whom I certainly want them to be a part of my life in the future. It's scary to imagine that in 2-5 years from now I will have everything I ever wanted, except maybe having a retail chain of my own - one of my passions and wishes. I hope that life does bring joy and hope, healing, happiness to the ones around me. Truly, that they regard the things they own not as theirs but something they are blessed by. How to be truly happy is to find joy in places you never knew existed, small things like a nice belt or a favorite purse... and to thank God for it and everything else.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Still feeling woozy
Still feeling woozy - many factors: lack of sound sleep, the weather is just too hot, the migraine from yesterday still festering somewhere sending funny throbs now and then.
Don't like to feel woozy because it reminds me of how fragile and vulnerable life and relationships can be. I'm not thinking much, simply because I refuse to start the whole cycle again. Have wonderful advice from every side though. Thanks guys. I think I'm brave enough to embark on the journey of letting go since it means that you will know after that what you really want.
Something funny - or not really funny happened last night (which apparently caused my tiredness today). At night, Mom declared that the last surviving hamster Misty was dead. He was a good hamster. Feeling slightly sad about it all, the night passed uneventfully. It was only when I was about to turn in for the night when Misty suddenly popped out his head and jumped up and down. Told Mom who was puzzled and realised she mistook a piece of bread for a dead body. Happily Mom put him in a new clean cage, and happily the undead Misty ran the wheel and scratched the papers happily the whole night... forgetting to sleep, thus disturbing my sleep. I woke countless times, to the background sound of boxes-scratching.
If I'm sick, why does it seem to be my fault...
If I'm hurting inside why do I find no comfort in you... for your words seem to pierce me even further, your actions driving us apart.
I need a real, deep love. The soulmate type, the one where two becomes really one- thinking alike, caring for the other person as though he is your own. Never saying a harsh word about their lives knowing it will crumble them to pieces.
Should I just let go and look for another?
Don't like to feel woozy because it reminds me of how fragile and vulnerable life and relationships can be. I'm not thinking much, simply because I refuse to start the whole cycle again. Have wonderful advice from every side though. Thanks guys. I think I'm brave enough to embark on the journey of letting go since it means that you will know after that what you really want.
Something funny - or not really funny happened last night (which apparently caused my tiredness today). At night, Mom declared that the last surviving hamster Misty was dead. He was a good hamster. Feeling slightly sad about it all, the night passed uneventfully. It was only when I was about to turn in for the night when Misty suddenly popped out his head and jumped up and down. Told Mom who was puzzled and realised she mistook a piece of bread for a dead body. Happily Mom put him in a new clean cage, and happily the undead Misty ran the wheel and scratched the papers happily the whole night... forgetting to sleep, thus disturbing my sleep. I woke countless times, to the background sound of boxes-scratching.
If I'm sick, why does it seem to be my fault...
If I'm hurting inside why do I find no comfort in you... for your words seem to pierce me even further, your actions driving us apart.
I need a real, deep love. The soulmate type, the one where two becomes really one- thinking alike, caring for the other person as though he is your own. Never saying a harsh word about their lives knowing it will crumble them to pieces.
Should I just let go and look for another?
Monday, September 11, 2006
A simple love story
She cried herself to sleep last night. It was not in her to cry like this. Having no person to share her sorrows to – she doubted if even Max would understand. How to, when she herself could not even begin to see what it was all about. Faith always strengthened her in times like this. But now, weary and listless, she spent most of her time wandering aimlessly down busy suburban shops and amidst the busy chatter of happy shoppers, her heart cried out for something more.
Their hands clasped together tightly for the first time, as though it was so natural to be so, a perfect fit, hands searching for each other for the longest time. After heart wrenching experiences with men, other men whose presence in her life served no purpose but only to confuse and sadden her, Symonds’ presence was like a breath of fresh air. She admired him for all that he stood for and his rough way of saying that he liked her. She knew that there was something special in him the first time they met.
As they walked down a steep incline leading away from Fort Park, she told herself in her heart that this man was alright. The voices she heard calling out her name, the inner demons with no face or reason to be there, had slowly faded away. She was not going to give away her life to these insecurities, wondering whether those tumultuous times that seemed so long ago, yet happened only the year before, was a figment of her imagination, or something like in cursed dreams, sent to taunt her into submission. All along, Coral was not one to take things lying down. Her willful nature actually became a good factor in areas she was championing for. Teamed together with her love for creativity and interpersonal skills, she seldom lost out in this rat race of life when people her age were still trying to come to terms with their identity.
She looked at him almost achingly, wanting to voice her thoughts, but after a split second, decided against it. She wanted to let him know that his face was the one she wanted to see, first thing in the morning, forever – but thought that this would probably scare him away before he could even tell her that he loved her. He did, a few days later, and she knew that he was the type who would not mince his feelings, who told the girl exactly what his heart felt or thought, who wanted her very much and was not afraid to say so. Such a refreshing gush of air compared to her past experiences with men. Symonds looked almost shyly at her and then downwards, perhaps escaping from the brilliant intensity that shone in her eyes. She had such a passion for life before, even though being much subdued now she still had a brimming radiance around her, full of energy.
It was almost like a fairytale beginning, she mused, after yet another night of wakefulness between letting her tears fall softly at the irony of it all. Yet another failed relationship. At least, it was not like the ones she saw, couples with no passion for each other, just a longtime friendship which never could be translated into true, deep love. She saw couples where only one person had the deep love for the other and knew that, this was not what they initially wanted. She saw couples that were incompatible in every way except perhaps their passion for each other, and that was more than enough for the relationship. In the fairytale beginning, it was not like this. Never like this. Everything was perfect, no arguments, no heated tears, no turning away. In a place where there was only love and acceptance and the bonds formed, so deep that not a single dark or depressing thought could ever hope to thrive in that place. And the way he looked at her, as though he had seen the light for the first time, a small smile blossoming on his lips that said he liked what he saw very much. Eyes that betrayed nothing in his heart yet spoke volumes when he couldn’t face her intense gaze. The willingness to accompany her to strange places she wanted to go, just to break the sad monotony of life she was facing. She knew this was it.
And then the heartbreak began.
To be continued...
Their hands clasped together tightly for the first time, as though it was so natural to be so, a perfect fit, hands searching for each other for the longest time. After heart wrenching experiences with men, other men whose presence in her life served no purpose but only to confuse and sadden her, Symonds’ presence was like a breath of fresh air. She admired him for all that he stood for and his rough way of saying that he liked her. She knew that there was something special in him the first time they met.
As they walked down a steep incline leading away from Fort Park, she told herself in her heart that this man was alright. The voices she heard calling out her name, the inner demons with no face or reason to be there, had slowly faded away. She was not going to give away her life to these insecurities, wondering whether those tumultuous times that seemed so long ago, yet happened only the year before, was a figment of her imagination, or something like in cursed dreams, sent to taunt her into submission. All along, Coral was not one to take things lying down. Her willful nature actually became a good factor in areas she was championing for. Teamed together with her love for creativity and interpersonal skills, she seldom lost out in this rat race of life when people her age were still trying to come to terms with their identity.
She looked at him almost achingly, wanting to voice her thoughts, but after a split second, decided against it. She wanted to let him know that his face was the one she wanted to see, first thing in the morning, forever – but thought that this would probably scare him away before he could even tell her that he loved her. He did, a few days later, and she knew that he was the type who would not mince his feelings, who told the girl exactly what his heart felt or thought, who wanted her very much and was not afraid to say so. Such a refreshing gush of air compared to her past experiences with men. Symonds looked almost shyly at her and then downwards, perhaps escaping from the brilliant intensity that shone in her eyes. She had such a passion for life before, even though being much subdued now she still had a brimming radiance around her, full of energy.
It was almost like a fairytale beginning, she mused, after yet another night of wakefulness between letting her tears fall softly at the irony of it all. Yet another failed relationship. At least, it was not like the ones she saw, couples with no passion for each other, just a longtime friendship which never could be translated into true, deep love. She saw couples where only one person had the deep love for the other and knew that, this was not what they initially wanted. She saw couples that were incompatible in every way except perhaps their passion for each other, and that was more than enough for the relationship. In the fairytale beginning, it was not like this. Never like this. Everything was perfect, no arguments, no heated tears, no turning away. In a place where there was only love and acceptance and the bonds formed, so deep that not a single dark or depressing thought could ever hope to thrive in that place. And the way he looked at her, as though he had seen the light for the first time, a small smile blossoming on his lips that said he liked what he saw very much. Eyes that betrayed nothing in his heart yet spoke volumes when he couldn’t face her intense gaze. The willingness to accompany her to strange places she wanted to go, just to break the sad monotony of life she was facing. She knew this was it.
And then the heartbreak began.
To be continued...
Only in Dreams
A poem. Copyright mine.
To assume each waking-up moment
Is more pleasant than being asleep
Find that too presumptuous for sometimes
For me dreams make sense.
Dreams, a different reality
Glimpse the places souls rest by
The hopes heart clings to
The lessons life learns, the truth abided by
Dreams are visuals life cannot provide.
Eyes as wise as the willow tree
I look, and see nothing.
You look, and see a thousand maybes
Of what could be and might have been.
Please don't tell me I'm lost till you've found the right way
And I may not follow, I choose here
I only want to linger here
Here, it is peaceful within
My heart takes cover under the flight
Of wings upon high for reasons unknown
Yet comfort I take, freely given it so seems.
I close my eyes and wish for forever
When living streams mean nothing to me
The willow tree in dreams is all I need
I long to stay asleep.
To assume each waking-up moment
Is more pleasant than being asleep
Find that too presumptuous for sometimes
For me dreams make sense.
Dreams, a different reality
Glimpse the places souls rest by
The hopes heart clings to
The lessons life learns, the truth abided by
Dreams are visuals life cannot provide.
Eyes as wise as the willow tree
I look, and see nothing.
You look, and see a thousand maybes
Of what could be and might have been.
Please don't tell me I'm lost till you've found the right way
And I may not follow, I choose here
I only want to linger here
Here, it is peaceful within
My heart takes cover under the flight
Of wings upon high for reasons unknown
Yet comfort I take, freely given it so seems.
I close my eyes and wish for forever
When living streams mean nothing to me
The willow tree in dreams is all I need
I long to stay asleep.
Friday, September 08, 2006
At heart
I'm a romantic at heart.
Not those types of diehard romantics, no... just sometimes having little thoughts like, oh, if I were a guy, I'd buy those chocs/flowers/small trinkets for my gal...but still, touched when Darling gives me little chocs, buys sotong balls because I said I liked, carrying my oversized bag and etc. I do wish sometimes though for more affection - I mean, there is already a lot of affection in the daily many smses and we talk almost constantly, not to mention almost every night. Once he came into my life, I wonder really how it was like before. Maybe lonely Friday nights and more free time. Hurhur. Talking about sms-ing, Travis mentioned to me while we were out - that he had the same phone plan as mine - ie 500 sms, however he never exceeds that while I always do. =P
Found out today that Travis had a relapse on Wednesday. Last I saw him (Monday), he was full of life, full of plans for the week as it was his school break for this week. Alas, he has to rest at home for this week because of the relapse. Actually, we planned to meet for dinner today but he said he had to rest at home. I just felt so sad, for him. Epilepsy is something that no one knows the cause... and no known cure as well. Although sometimes, it just miraculously disappears. I kept having flashbacks of the time when I saw him, helpless on the floor, with blood streaming down. Guess I was pretty traumatised that time, and I can't even imagine how he is feeling now. It would take a mature and positive woman to accept this in a man. He can't even do basic things like learning how to drive, serving reservist...all because of this dreaded sickness... Oh God, how I wish that sickness does not touch anyone in my circle. I feel pained as I imagine his anguish. Surely he must have cried out to God many times to heal him? Yet, all he knows is that the healing will take place... but when...? Travis is one of my inner circle...a person that I really trust as my support group, although I don't think I am someone who is giving him support... well, just friendship and companionship, don't think he's close to any other gal, haha! I just wish that there is something I can do to help... If I had known, I would have gone to the hospital. Just a small show of support. It must be difficult for people to always go in and out of hospital. The toll on the body, and the convalesence time to recuperate.
At least, I'm glad that we shared a happy day together before this took place.
Please let him be well.
Not those types of diehard romantics, no... just sometimes having little thoughts like, oh, if I were a guy, I'd buy those chocs/flowers/small trinkets for my gal...but still, touched when Darling gives me little chocs, buys sotong balls because I said I liked, carrying my oversized bag and etc. I do wish sometimes though for more affection - I mean, there is already a lot of affection in the daily many smses and we talk almost constantly, not to mention almost every night. Once he came into my life, I wonder really how it was like before. Maybe lonely Friday nights and more free time. Hurhur. Talking about sms-ing, Travis mentioned to me while we were out - that he had the same phone plan as mine - ie 500 sms, however he never exceeds that while I always do. =P
Found out today that Travis had a relapse on Wednesday. Last I saw him (Monday), he was full of life, full of plans for the week as it was his school break for this week. Alas, he has to rest at home for this week because of the relapse. Actually, we planned to meet for dinner today but he said he had to rest at home. I just felt so sad, for him. Epilepsy is something that no one knows the cause... and no known cure as well. Although sometimes, it just miraculously disappears. I kept having flashbacks of the time when I saw him, helpless on the floor, with blood streaming down. Guess I was pretty traumatised that time, and I can't even imagine how he is feeling now. It would take a mature and positive woman to accept this in a man. He can't even do basic things like learning how to drive, serving reservist...all because of this dreaded sickness... Oh God, how I wish that sickness does not touch anyone in my circle. I feel pained as I imagine his anguish. Surely he must have cried out to God many times to heal him? Yet, all he knows is that the healing will take place... but when...? Travis is one of my inner circle...a person that I really trust as my support group, although I don't think I am someone who is giving him support... well, just friendship and companionship, don't think he's close to any other gal, haha! I just wish that there is something I can do to help... If I had known, I would have gone to the hospital. Just a small show of support. It must be difficult for people to always go in and out of hospital. The toll on the body, and the convalesence time to recuperate.
At least, I'm glad that we shared a happy day together before this took place.
Please let him be well.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
If everything was better
I love my job, I love my darling, I love my new cardi... ... but why is my phone wonky?
Wonder why so many people only always remember the bad stuff in life. Hey, when things are good, you wonder what's going to go wrong? This is a bit off. I see difficulties in work as small challenges, trying not to get personally involved... thus not affecting my day or my mood. Sure, there are nasty people, but the majority are sincere, polite, nice people. This phrase, I learnt it from the animation movie showing now, keeps ringing in my head:
''A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man, stands up for others." From the father cow to his son, meaning that as cows, they should protect the weaker ones amongst them, like chickens... =) so well, there are people around us with problems... I just thought. Usually work problems, financial problems are one of the more major stuff. Then there's sickness, worry over family's or friend's state, emotional woes, relationship problems... I guess being overly involved in other people's lives will make one really sad, if there is no proper balance. For me, I just need to chat about my day, and then, I think after draining the negative energy I will be balanced, haha! Well, hopefully my new prayer journal - signifying a new journey? will help me to remember to pray more! As I will carry it along everyday now...
So here, a meaningful rhyming poem which hopefully will inspire random strangers to do something, to be happy, to have a no-complaining day or something.
IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,'
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
-If, Rudyard Kipling.
Wonder why so many people only always remember the bad stuff in life. Hey, when things are good, you wonder what's going to go wrong? This is a bit off. I see difficulties in work as small challenges, trying not to get personally involved... thus not affecting my day or my mood. Sure, there are nasty people, but the majority are sincere, polite, nice people. This phrase, I learnt it from the animation movie showing now, keeps ringing in my head:
''A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man, stands up for others." From the father cow to his son, meaning that as cows, they should protect the weaker ones amongst them, like chickens... =) so well, there are people around us with problems... I just thought. Usually work problems, financial problems are one of the more major stuff. Then there's sickness, worry over family's or friend's state, emotional woes, relationship problems... I guess being overly involved in other people's lives will make one really sad, if there is no proper balance. For me, I just need to chat about my day, and then, I think after draining the negative energy I will be balanced, haha! Well, hopefully my new prayer journal - signifying a new journey? will help me to remember to pray more! As I will carry it along everyday now...
So here, a meaningful rhyming poem which hopefully will inspire random strangers to do something, to be happy, to have a no-complaining day or something.
IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,'
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
-If, Rudyard Kipling.
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