Pastor's talk and relationship advice

Yesterday was quite a 'big' day for myself and Mr. A. We met with Pastor, and also Dad and Mom. My sis' boyfriend's family also wanted to meet him, but we thought that was a bit too scary! (Oh Mom does think he looks like Iljimae!!!)

Architect wanted to know how was the 'relationship counseling/accountability' like, what actually transpires during the talk session... ... we remarked on how some couples seemed to have black faces or even broke up after such sessions with other mentors. But for me, I consider Pastor as one of my friends, also, this is probably one of the BEST things he could do for me as a friend at this point of time. So, I relish the opportunity to share, and also to gain insights from a 'third party' which we never could have, by ourselves.

Pastor did share his heart with us about many things, things which he has learnt during his own courtship. Pastor has been married for a year now, but he spent 5 looooong years dating, and some of the time in a long distance relationship too as Pastor's wife gotta scoot off to Oz finishing her studies. For us on the other hand, we were curious as to what is 'too fast', considering that we only had a few dates before embarking on this relationship. Pastor said that he hoped we were 'mature 26 years olds' and did not treat this as a 'trial and error' thingy. It would be a waste of time for both of us. I think being in quite a number of relationships previously, I know that I'm not 'trying it out' once again... ...

Also, Pastor gave us some wise advice. He asked us, what made Mr A. choose me, and likewise asked me the same question. He knew that the reasons we chose each other would grow over time, and said he radically believed that ALL relationships could be worked out (provisio of no sin/ awareness of God's presence is there in the relationship.)

For example, as it's always mentioned, a relationship is not only the couple, but also God's presence. We have to have the fear of God in this relationship. But why? Ahhh! There is the burning question that many cannot answer. As Pastor explained to us... you see, there is always the fear of God/God's real presence in every relationship. But when we are further away from God, engaging in stupid things for example, God's presence moves further away and repeated again and again, this relationship brings more harm than good. So ideally, we have to set a high standard of purity because God will look at this relationship and go ,"Wow, this couple is really honoring me, man. I am impressed." Pastor also advises us not to even think of spending the night together (!!!) as some people 'smartly' make up excuses like... it's so late, let's just crash here etc. Putting this down on paper, I think most people would agree that it's unwise to stay out so late, etc.

But in this country, I think it's acceptable to say, watch the sunrise together or... just spend a prolonged time, till wee hours in the night, talking, at the beach, etc. Yes, we have done that. And spending time at each other's place, well, my place is full of people so engaging in any hanky-panky is outta the question, and as we live so near each other, I think no one will buy the excuse, that 'it's sooo late, why don't you just crash here and go back tomorrow,' haha. Pastor said, you would rather spend the $20 cab fare midnight surchage home than to have one night of guilt... even, say you didn't do anything, people would always imagine the worst about you. That's quite true actually. We'll try to go home earlier (maybe before 2am?) and not stay out till it's so dark, we are actually very tired this week and my butt muscles are aching from sitting in the sand. (Try it, sitting in the sand for hours is a mean feat.)

Also, about travelling together... alone, is a no-no. For reasons we can well understand why. Because we have animal magnetism and incredible chemistry, we can imagine our emotions getting the better of us. And no fertilized eggs before marriage, please. (I must add here that Mr A. is a terribly decent guy and he is very concerned about my needs before his so, he is not wanting to... do anything also!!!)

So we are making a pact NOT TO travel alone (Though, I have travelled alone with guys as well as solo, but the thing IS...I am totally not interested in them and thank God I have never made any mistakes in this area.) Above all, we wanna honor God and our integrity as well. Though I do like travelling and to my naive mind, 'what can happen right', better not to do so until we are married then we can travel every weekend alone and feel better we have waited til then. We're supposedly going Perhentian or some diving/beach place with his friends and I'm looking forward. Pastor also mentioned we could go out in groups, not just with other couples, but with singles as well. Ya! That's such a good idea, though in our 'sticky' stage now I wonder which single can tahan going out with us? I would like to share my 'lovey-doveyness', as Architect put it, with my friends, single or attached... so those who can tahan please sign up over the next weekend! We can watch movies, chill out at coffee places, sit in the sand together and feed each other!

=)

Any takers?

I'm stoked that Pastor agrees to have us account to him... it's what I've always wanted.

neyumminoona

Last month in Melbourne. Taken from the MsBestFriend's waist-level so I look super longish.

I think one thing it takes for a relationship to keep going strong is the support of family and friends. 

Dad and Mom's gonna meet Mr A. this weekend, and I would say that with the exception of me, both sides are really gearing up towards the meet up! The excitement level is as if I had been a spinster for years!!! -_- Upon hearing the name of his firm "WXYZ", Dad excitedly asked me what it stands for (I haven't a clue!) and went to google it online immediately... ...Worse, this week he messaged me on Facebook about how he has seen Mr A's diving photos, why I didn't tell him Mr A went diving before, how does he pronounce his frenchified name... ... Gosh, I was so embarassed I deleted the 'wall message' and smsed Dad that all our mutual friends and 400 of mine can read what he 'wrote' (presumably thought was a private message, I hope.)

 Mom was surprised he is a professional worker... remarked that at this age, he is already professional? Muahahaha. And she asked how he looks like. Is he dark? Tall? Tua Chiak??? After thinking for a while, (cannot say until so handsome otherwise she will let her imagination run wild), I realised the best way is to liken Mr A. to some of her favorite Korean male stars.

Nope... none of these boys over flowers.

Then suddenly whilst talking to Mr A. on the phone, I realised who he looks like!

'Mom! He looks like iljimae!!!'

A darker version, perhaps. Mom was unduly fascinated by this startling new revelation.

That's more like it. 

I think, he looks more like my parents than I do. We'll ask for a second opinion from friends on saturday (if they come to The Church.)

==

Alkitab and Soursop (with nice red car accessories I wanna buy) has been verrrry encouraging too. They never fail to ask me for updates each week and I happily share the latest stories with them. I shared with A & S how blessed I was with him, and how decent and kind he has been.

Soursop said she wanna fall in love too, with a man who drives. How difficult is that? =)

We were learning from Tae-kwon-do in cell how to speak a bit of Korean. For gals to call an older guy, is 'o-pa' in a very shy and girly sounding way. And for Alkitab to call me (older 'sister'), is 'noona'. We all burst out laughing when Alkitab attempted to call me thus, 'neyumminoona'. He calls Mr A. 'Santos' (because he looks Indon-Chi,) and calls me a improvised version of 'Naomi' (After The Pastor in The Church!!!) which is 'Neyummi', so...

...please call me Neyumminoona.

 

George's and Eleen's Wedding

Last month, did a wedding photo montage for my friends whom I was leading the worship at their wedding!

It's my first time editing a photo montage. (And they only gave me the photos like 2 days before!) Next time will edit the photos, slightly darker... but anyways, I'm quite pleased with the outcome. Took me about 2.5 hours (in between work!)

true love, balloons, wedding photos

One of my favorite shots by Bryan and Jean.

Growing up, I've always idealistically assumed that everyone would meet their Prince Charming, and fall in love, and have kids, and repeat that... repeat...repeat. I thought that my love would be easy to find, that it would just be so simple. Meet, fall in love. Both knowing the other is perfect. 

But as time went on, I realised that true happiness was not easy to find. I've seen some friends, more recently, Huntley, going through a divorce - whether at fault or by default, a divorce is always painful. But more painful still is the knowledge of no longer having someone beside you, a hand to hold, a shoulder you know you can always depend on, in good economy or bad. I've seen a couple in The Church. She played the piano beautifully for my friend's wedding last month. She lives in a townhouse with a rabbit, a mini-sausage dog and she is having the perfect life! I'm sure they have been married for some time, probably more than 10 years as they have 2 kids in primary school.... but each time I witnessed, the silent look of love the husband gave her when he returned from work,. the hushed tones in which they converse, the way they gently touch each other, even holding hands and walking into service. Even while we were practising  the worship songs, he would not choose to hide upstairs in the 3-storey townhouse but sit at the rather uncomfortable dining table, doing his work on his laptop, all the while with a smile on his face as he listened to her play.

It is true love, I said to myself. And if I were her, I'd feel as though I'm the most blessed woman alive. My only wish would be for my husband to come home early, so that I can spend more time with him. A part of me still can't believe that I'm with Mr A... when I realise all over again that he's mine! Really! And a gush of warmth and happiness will flood my being. There's nothing on earth we can't talk about, which he attributes it to chemistry and I... I will leave it undefinable (or, indefinable, both are apt) that may be one reason why we will be able to... make it last, too, hopefully, very hopefully. And I'm quite certain that 10 years later, we will still be able to recreate this magical feeling...and can't wait to run back home to each other.

I've chanced upon some lovely wedding photos. I've seen some tacky photos - actually most wedding photos will be tacky if taken in a studio with costumes like feathers, frilly men suits, stuffy furniture and props... but these are really nice. I can't tear my eyes off them and to me, that's what makes a good photo.

==

Lovely photos... I also want an underwater photo! How can they open their eyes!

By people I've recently met, Bryan and Jean.

More at bryanjeanphotography.com

I want floating photos too! Can I have such perfect balloon photos like these?

By Jill Thomas. Her other non-wedding photos are also... great to stare at the whole day. http://jillsphotoblog.com/

Below, Caroline Tran.

http://www.carolinetran.net

Lovely, muted, sky and the perfect shade of pink below. 

Above, by Jessica Johnston.

http://www.jessica-johnston.com  

Below, Charley Star.

http://www.charleystar.typepad.com/

psst...

Keeping in the spirit of GSS season, here are some of my beauty secrets. I'm quite fastidious about what I put on my face as it tends to have a mind of its own, so after lots of trial and errors, here are the favorites. Also, as we're so spoilt for choices here with so many brands available, I seldom use a certain product more than once (don't you?) so here are the picks that has also made it through the 'more than once' in my makeup stash... Try try try...

Sato Co Enzyme Q-10 cream.
At the mid-20s, it's good to start treating the face and neck a little better. If not will look super old when you are 50 (compared to your peers.)
Either 1. Eat those collagen pills and drinks or 2. Go for facial to light-zap collagen in or 3. Apply some cream. I used to suntan a lot so I'm fearful of my neck looking wrinkly. Ah, I try to put it once a week nightly... forgot to apply it daily, hee hee...
Oh, only found in Meidi-ya or Isetan pharmacy. And not expensive. I believe less than $30... but always SOLD OUT...
Sephora nail polish. I believe it's only $7. Not one to go for super-ex OPIs or others...since I can go for manicure with those... I like the neon pinks they have which so far I don't see any around. Sally Hansen's good too and so is Rimmel (bought coral, now on my fingers.) I only go for red or nude on my toes... so try to be a bit bright and cheery on the fingers.

Kose face wash. I don't really wanna whiten my face anymore, but this is mild and superly gentle and... makes my face super soft! I am hooked. I wanted to just get the black mask (also very good) and the saleslady recommended this to me. It's new. You won't regret this... trust me! Very gentle on the face. I am buying Kose products from now on.

When Ms Cheerful asked me why my hands are so soft (apart from not washing dishes!) I told her... I have 2 words for you. "Molton Brown". Those with dry hands will find their hands amazingly smooth and soft. My hands are actually okay so I don't need it everyday. I got this at a fashion event... The smell is insane, you will keep smelling your hands like a pervert. Molton Brown hand cream, naranji.

Anna Sui Tinted Moisturiser

With my outdoor shoots getting more frequent, I don't want to put those heavy things like foundation, on my face - makes it look oily and feel there's a layer on my skin. Anna Sui - I believe this is called tinted moisturizer. Has SPF 15 - I know, not enough... The color blends to Asian skin well, and it's really natural and smells nice too! $65 at Tangs (I buy most of my stuff from Tangs.)

Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker

I don't really buy much perfume, preferring bodyshop blends or unisex scents but once I sniffed this one, I had to get it. Apple martini is the main ingredient. It's light and interestingly, it stays on for hours... which is what every perfume should do. One of her other perfumes, "Twilight" is worth a sniff, too...

Rimmel Pressed Powder with Minerals.

After a tinted moisturizer, if you want to apply other makeup and eyeshadow, you have to pat a light dusting of powder all over your face. This is what I'm currently using, and it's good! And less than $30. (Benefit's pressed powder comes a close second - it promises not to make you look oily... and it delivers!)

Jurlique Facewash

Coming in second, this is a really good facewash also by Jurlique for combination skin types. The smell of lavender and tea tree oil also helps calm down your psyche. A kind friend passed me a sample and ... I loved her for that.

Shu Uemura lipstick

I never really got the hang of using lipstick as... I don't need to accentuate my already thick lips... and lip glosses were my mainstay. However, after being persuaded by saleslady (I have no sales resistance whatsoever therefore fearful of stepping into shopping centre makeup counters) I tried the natural organic lipstick with a very nice shade of pink (At Marina Square, living nature? nature beauty? something like it) I loved it, but it rolled away one day and I'm still peeved at that... (Expensive lor. $45 leh.) Sobs. My newfound find is Shu Uemura's ... this one with just-the-right amount of glitter and gloss. My lips tend to chap so am afraid of lipsticks but with this one, I don't need to apply lipbalm beforehand...amazing! Nice range of colors - I chose one that is almost the same color as my lips and I love love love it. Next month, I will try a happy pink, close to the one that rolled away. At $38, I can afford to buy one every month. I was initially at the Shu counter looking for blusher. ( Haven't found any ideal blusher at all! Please recommend to me...)

Shiseido shampoo, $13 for a small bottle and $20+ for the maxi one.

Smells like orange milk... nice! And effect is similar to Khiels' amino acid shampoo. I like to squeeze lots so... cannot buy too expensive will heartpain. (And funnily, my hair cannot use cheap ones either.) It will just look disastrous. Guys will never understand... I cannot live in 3rd world countries with no mid-range shampoos...I also like RedKen - was recommended to me by a hairstylist, the red one works wonders after disastrous look... the cheapest place to buy is Chinatown 'Ocean', am so glad I work near enough to pop by during lunch. The Korean brand 'Olive' found at John Little's beauty box at PS is also good. I use the serum.

Makeupstore's eyeliner
Eyeliner. They last for ages so haven't tried many. I like MakeupStore's shades of Eyeliners though. Nowadays I use it on brows, haha. Their lip glosses rock too!

Eyeshadow, Makeupstore.

Also lasts for ages. And still as fresh as ever - no funny thing appearing on the surface. I have a dark brown which I use for brows at times when I want to have a more casual look, and to widen eyes... and sometimes for a smoky eyed look.

Mascara, Majorca Majolica.

Cheap and verrrry very good. Recommended by Ms Cheerful. If I had a choice, I wouldn't wear mascara. But this makes me wanna wear it everyday, so it's done its job well!

Benefit's 'That Gal'

My only gripe is that it finishes way too fast! Umm, one month plus?Applied after toner and as a primer, it gives a glowy pinky sheen which makes me look great in photos too. I look yellowish usually... so you can guess where the pink glow is from, now. Most of Benefit's products are really good. I like the tinted moisturiser too!

Anna Sui's Eye Color.
Lastly. These tubes last a long long time and they are very versatile. I like the purples and I just bought a cloud blue one. You can layer the powder eyeshadows on top to create interesting looks. Like a darker purple tube with a powder lavender shade. Purple for eyes always looks nice.


So after not-so-many years of makeuping, here are the best!

Buy buy buy.

someone camping in my head

Central to romantic love is obsessive thinking. Night and day you think of “him” or “her”. You have someone camping in your head. But of all the intoxicating feelings of romantic love, perhaps the most powerful is the craving for emotional union with the beloved. Foremost, the lover wants this special person to call, to write, to be invited out for dinner or a drink, to share, to plan — and to say those precious words, “I love you.”  - msn relationships

Well, I've not been in love for such a long time that I think I've grown 'rusty'. Sure, most of the mushy parts come naturally to us - when we message each other morning greetings everyday, and text how much "I miss you" (he does it more often than me) and throughout the day, keeping up via The Office's email. Have you eaten? Slept well? What time did you wake up this morning... all the small things that, well, equate to saying how much we feel for each other and how much we really like each other. 

Although he has ventured an "I love you" (on sunday!) I have yet to say mine. I do, definitely, but I think to say it, out loud, for me, takes another form of courage that will be enough with more time and more trust. For me, this means forever. I'm beginning to cherish the way we communicate, although we have known each other for a barely long enough time, we talk and banter and 'suan' each other like old, old friends. 

He said yesterday that he whiffed a lady colleague(walking by his desk) wearing the same perfume as mine ('Lovely', Sarah Jessica Parker - smells wonderful) and asked me what was it's name. I jokingly said,"Oohhh! Why you go and smell other people! You hamsup her!! What are you doing so close to her?! Explain it to me or else no egg tart for you tomorrow!" 

Poor Mr. A.

And last night, we talked about how we wanted to live in future. No one wanted to wash the dishes so the solution was to buy a dishwasher, or hire a maid. And how about sweeping the floor? He asked. I'll buy you a vacuum cleaner, I replied. We laughed after, because we were at AMK hub looking at vacuum cleaners (Mr. A thought of buying a mini one for Office) and I pointed one at him and pressed 'on'. Much to the amusement of the onlookers, it sucked half his shirt in, exposing his belly in the NTUC... ... (Sorry, I forgot it sucks in not out... I thought it was a hair dryer...) He was ... stunned speechless and wanted to 'whoosh' me too, but the one in his hand? It was not plugged in. Muahaha.

==

Here's an article to read further. I think right now we are 'babes in the woods', though I wouldn't go as far as wearing couple clothes *bleah... It takes another form of courage to wear that together.

(From BBC website)

In some relationships, arguments always seem one sided - with one partner making all the noise as the other quietly calms the storm. It's possible they both have a problem expressing their feelings, but together they're able to reassure each other that emotions are being managed. Different couples will experience it in different ways, but that inexplicable feeling of wholeness you have when you're together is what Henry Dicks, a guru in relationship psychotherapy, called the 'unconscious fit'.

Unconscious fit

All of us carry with us a psychological blueprint, holding details about our life experiences and the marks they've left. It contains information we often haven't acknowledged about our fears and anxieties and our coping mechanisms and defences.

Each of us has an unconscious capacity to scan another person's blueprint. The people we're most attracted to are those who have a blueprint that complements our own. We're looking for similarities of experience but, more significantly, we're also looking for differences.

Opposites attract

The purpose of this unconscious fit is to find someone who can complement our experiences. That might be someone who's the same as us, but most commonly we're looking for someone from whom we can learn; someone who has developed coping mechanisms that are different from our own.

The ideal partner will be someone who has struggled with similar life issues, but has developed another way of managing it. It seems that our other half is often our best chance of becoming psychologically whole.

Although no two relationships are ever the same, psychologists have noticed that there are some common types of unconscious fit. Do you recognise any of these?

Parent and child - this type of couple often has shared issues with dependency and trust. One partner copes with those issues by behaving in a childlike way. Their hidden belief is that if they remain insecure, dependent and needy their partner will look after them. Their partner takes on the role of parent and by doing so is able to deny their own needs for dependency as they're acted out by the other.

Master and slave - this couple has a problem with authority and control. One partner may feel very insecure if they're ever subordinate, so they're bossy and take charge of every household circumstance. Their partner, who fears responsibility, dutifully toes the line while smugly comparing what they describe as their laid-back attitude to their partner's control-freak attitude.

Distancer and pursuer - both partners are afraid of intimacy but have found their perfect match. The unspoken agreement is that one of them will keep chasing and nagging the other one for more intimacy while the other runs away. Occasionally the chase will swap round.

Idol and worshipper - when one partner insists on putting the other on a pedestal, this often indicates an issue with competition. To avoid any form of comparison, both partners unconsciously agree to play this game.

There are two other common types of fit based on finding a partner who has a similar problem and a similar way of coping.

Babes in the wood - you may have seen this couple around. They look alike and often wear matching sweaters. They share the same interests and, more importantly, they dislike the same things. They keep anything bad out of their perfect relationship by joining forces against the big, bad world outside.

Cat and dog - on the surface these partners look as though they should never have even met. They argue incessantly over anything. They both avoid intimacy by living in a war zone.

You may see elements of your relationship in all of these types. As we progress through our relationships, it's not uncommon to slip into a certain pattern of behaviour. For example, in a time of illness and vulnerability you may act out the parent and child model, while many couples become like babes in the wood following the birth of a child.

sporty together

Pianist has supported me throughout the 'love story of my life' (it's nicee to have friends to share in these moments) so here's one he will like:

(relating it to Mr A.)

Me:

"Hey, Pianist suggested us doing sports together... I said we didn't do any sports yet... He suggested gym but I think gym is a very individual sport, then he suggested that I 'rah rah' you... "Lift more weights! Do it for the sake of our future children... etc..."

Mr A. 

"I know what sport we can do."

Me:

"What sport? I'm not very sporty le..."

Mr A.

"bedminton"

Me:

"Nooooooooooooooo...!!!"

It was a singles' game... now we can play doubles.

*please take all jokes with a pinch of salt like the happy carefree relaxed people we all are.

happy beyond words

'I'm happy to have met you.' I said.

'I'm blessed to have you,' he replied.


Mr A. held my hand!!!

munch, cavenagh bridge, esplanade, singapore flyer

I love you lollies in Melbourne. Drats, the 12th H1N1 person got it from Melbourne!!! 
Nice wallpapers from SPCA. Do your bit.

I try not to get sentimental when I think about Mr A. but he is really... someone I've dreamed about my whole life, and sometimes I can't believe how blessed I am to have him in my life for this time. And as always the time spent together seems so short, so fleeting. But while I can, I am storing up memories of him, for future reference. And he's 'seeing' me! (Whatever that means.) Little did I know that our 'sunday outings' as I term it are actually dates... *blush. Mr A.'s  a really decent guy and I respect him so much more for not touching me... I know it's hard for guys not to.

He nudges me in a sweet way *nudge nudge...and seems to want to sit really close by, and I think I'm the one that keeps touching him... in small ways. I can't stifle the urge to pound my small clenched fists on him when he says something terribly funny, which is almost all the time, really. 

We went to this sandwich place in The Office area which reminds me of Melbourne... and they had 'flat white' for $3. Irresistable, although it wreaks havoc on my system to drink coffee so late in the evening. He couldn't take it that I was having coffee - we both had made 'drink less coffee' pacts, so he got his long black. And the sandwiches were delish. Later we took a walk on my favorite bridge, Cavenagh bridge. What I like is that we each have something to offer to each other - our unique and favored places, our take on things we ponder upon in similar facets, I can never get tired of hearing his voice... and he always encourages me to talk more, about everything going on in my head. We ended it after a jaunt at the top of the Esplanade, then a slow walk (it is not that far, I realised) to the Singapore Flyer area. I think that is the most deserted tourist attraction in Singapore! After 11pm, it seems like we were the only two people there. Still, it was nice to sit by the waterfront and just chat under the balmy breeze. 

Mr A. said today that he thought of me while reading Phil 4:8. I asked him, you think I'm 'lovely'? And he say yes, lovely, and more. That I was 'all of the above'. I'm touched beyond words by his sweetness. Nowadays, I'm getting in touch with my soft side, too. I walked past bak-kwa shop at chinatown on the way to lunch yesterday, and chanced upon "GSS of ... pork floss". The discount wasn't much, but the smell of freshly made pork floss was just mouth-watering. So, I got one packet for him... which he used for breakfast today. =) 

==

And here's something for weekend reading. Not sure if you agree with all that's written... I do, for most.

(taken from MSN/Lifestyle)

10 things you should never say to a woman

t's true: Some comments are better left unsaid.

But as a sophisticated man of the 21st century, you already know this. You know you're not supposed to comment on your girlfriend's weight, or tell her that her friends are hot. And you know she probably feels the same way you do about the phrase, "Can we still be friends?"

Additionally, you've found that honesty, while valued in most situations, can sometimes offend. What you say to defuse tension in an argument often stokes the fire. We understand that the female psyche can be complicated, and we're here to demystify what may seem like strategically placed trapdoors.

Here are 10 things most women don't want to hear:

1) "What did you do to your hair?"
Unless we've cut our own hair—this is not common—someone else did something to our hair. It wasn't us. And most likely we've gone to a lot of trouble and expense for it. "I like your new haircut" is infinitely better, and shows you're paying attention. It's also far superior to the generic "You look different," which tells us you're as clueless as ever.

2) "They both look the same to me."
We understand you care a lot less than we do about the outfits or the registry dishware we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision—or worse, that you don't care.

3) "Relax."
A kissing cousin to "Don't get so worked up," this generally creates the exact opposite effect you're shooting for. When you say "Relax," what we hear is that you think that we're being irrational over nothing, and this makes us do anything but relax.

4) "I've got it all under control."
Ha! Famous last words. Refrain from using them if you don't want us to take fiendish delight in your getting lost because you won't stop for directions (if we're late, there will be fiendish fuming), or because you're missing a piece to your flat-screen television because you said you didn't need to read the assembly instructions.

5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Yikes. Chivalry may be nearly dead, but saying this will drive the last spear through its heart. Feminist or not, a woman is likely to be offended by the question. Just be yourself. Be kind, open the door, offer to pay, and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity.

6) "When are you due?"
Take one second to imagine a woman turning to you and responding, "I'm not pregnant," or "I had the baby six months ago," and you'll understand why you should eradicate this question from your vocabulary. In one nanosecond, innocent—even considerate—curiosity can turn to deadly, if unintentional, offense. And there's just no way to recover from this one.

7) "You're being emotional."
In the heat of the moment this may be true. But unless you want your partner to become more emotional or get angry, you're better off keeping this observation and its off-limits follow-up question—"Is  it that time of month?"—to yourself.

8) "You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend."
All three are problematic. An ex should be mentioned sparingly, and never in comparison. Why would we want to remind you of a person you broke up with? And come to mention it, why are you thinking about her? You see the slippery slope. Conjuring an image of our mother or your mother can be equally grating. We want you to treat us as individuals and not as mere products of your (or our) upbringing.

9) "You complete me."
We've seen "Jerry Maguire" and most other romantic comedies far more often than you, and while we may (or may not) like cheesy movie lines, they usually fail in real life. We understand that the possibility of romance makes inexplicable things come out of a man's—and sometimes a woman's—mouth, but keep the compliments real and honest and sincere and say you love someone when you mean it.

10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
Yes. She should be eating it. Even if she told you she's given it up.

a guide to dressing well (and looking good in photographs) while overseas

I went to Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, in the start of winter where when it's not too chilly, temperature can be about 15 deg, nice and aircon like - and when it's cold with the foggy weather it can be chilly of 9 deg or less. Being low-fat and always traveling light, here's how to wear stuff so you can pack light and still look good in photos. Oh, and it always helps to have a windbreaker with a light sponge inside. Here, I borrowed one from my friend. Nice road at the 'Little Italy' in Melbourne. I never saw any other roads that looked as nice as this one so when you spot a nice photographic moment, you have to carpe diem!



Day 1:
I bought 2 sweaters for the trip so this is my first one, a raspberry sweater from Nafnaf. I'm quite scared of getting a chill so I wore a undershirt under my black long-top.
These tights are 120 denier, looks classy for night or day and in my opinion, warmer and better looking than jeans. And I added a little black vest from Muji which surprisingly helps to keep warm... I will mix and match these outfits for nice photos as it progresses...



Day 2:
Still wearing the raspberry sweater, went to Philip Island and did a lot of walking so opted for jeans - I did wear thin knee stockings inside to be safe.

Day 3:
Just walking around the bohemian parts of Melbourne and it was not foggy, which means less cold. I wore a black bubble dress underneath the striped sweater and the vest and leggings.

Day 4:
Visited a church and a sunday flea market at St Kilda's beach. in this getup. It's Day 2's top, just that I wore it ,worn under the striped sweater. And leggings, instead of stockings. I bought a scarf from Target because the Daiso one just doesn't cut it.

Day 5:
Stockings with the black bubble dress and raspberry sweater at Ballarat. The white scarf... I love it. Inexpensive and furry and keeps me warm! On windy days it really freezes up your neck especially if you have short hair. Here, in a mock town, 18th century bar which stirs up a saucy pose in me...


Back to jeans for easy walking in a shopping area. Was getting used to the cold so it's just a hooded tee underneath (which came in handy when it started to shower.)

Having studied in design school, I tend to be quite 'tasty' when buying clothes. Shopping is no enjoyable pasttime for me, it's more of like a hawk swooping down on it's prey when it spots a tender, juicy, succulent one... I like bright colors but too often I tend to choose the combi of navy-gray-black that my whole wardrobe looks depressed. I think some people took my one-off comment on dressing well a bit too emotionally. I was just remarking, you could say 'highlighting' the fact that some guys in my midst dress a little too dowdily for the event or occasion they're going for. Maybe they are corporately uptight during work hours (I can wear almost anything I want except when meeting corporates) so they wanna relax after-hours. But I wanted to highlight that dressing dowdily not only catches the attention of the opposite gender in an 'un-tasty' light, it also gives yourself a negative reinforcement. As you would like other people to focus on your good points, therefore. accentuate (not over-emphasize though!) the good points you have through good dressing.

Mr A. always looks spiffy in his dressing (being tall and dark, helps) and I always find it a pleasure to walk beside him, girls tend to be a bit more secure knowing that the guy did make a bit of effort in choosing the clothes to wear. And it needs not be expensive, or glamourous. Just be NICE! (I mean the clothes...) Imagine, if the girl you like always sees you in old, faded, 'homeclothes' style... even though you are young, dashing and suave inside... she will never see it inside! 

(Oooh... I am very excited. Mr A. wants to bring me to places...he said he will bring me to a live band playing near the Sg Flyer area. This week, we are going to a nice sandwich bar in The Office area, take a walk by the Cavenagh bridge, go shopping at uniqlo, and spend one weekend afternoon 'relaxing'. Whee! whee! And he told me he looks forward to my 'bonjour' sms everyday! Muahaha.)

Kinds of dressing (young)girls don't like: boring old polo tees, shorts that show your white-chickeny legs, faded and old shapeless teeshirts that looks as though you have worn it for years, anything that screams 'boring' or 'cannotmakeit'. No "2 by 4" hairstyles too... or those that come right out from the 80s.

Kinds of dressing (young)girls like: shirts are always a crowd pleaser. Loafers. Beige loafers. Shoes in a color other than black. Anything from Zara. Or PullandBear (for me!)

 

Like the white knight in shining armor, your armor has to dazzle her... just that little bit.

  

baby bird

Lately I've got a 'filler' pet to sort of stem my nurturing instincts inbetween my wabbit's passing and waiting to co-own a dog with Mr A. (More on that, later.) I try to go home slightly earlier to feed it ... baby food, namely Heinz' apple and cranberry gel. My parents have the harder job of shoving down its' throat, ground birdseed and rice.

Here is... 'baby bird!'

Baby bird was found, dropped out from its nest, by Dad. Dad says this is a wild pigeon.

Well, now it has grown quite attached to me. Was amazed that it half flew, half used the fan to blow itself to me on the sofa while I was reading papers on Sunday morning.

It likes to perch on my hand and gently chirp at me to preen its feathers. I don't like birds... nooo, but this one is cute. I am now teaching it to fly to Mr A's place so that it can deliver messages for us. Haha! This baby bird can't fly yet, nor eat by itself. Silly bird.

The period of absence (my vacation in Melbourne) has stirred up some 'deeper' feelings in me, for Mr A. I'm a bit impatient in this aspect due to my personality type who's always 'moving forward' and wanting to know, 'what's next'. But I respect his peaceful and gently sensitive ways of being there. I'm really thankful for him in my life. It's through learning other people's life-stories that makes me a more... matured and better person, and I'm glad to be able to walk with Mr A. on this length of the road. Once again, we went to see the puppies at the pasir ris farmway, and later watching another movie (Monsters and Aliens. Preferred NATM2!)... I asked if he was okay with the name (for the future pet) 'Rex'... and he just smiled and said yes! We saw leopard print leashes and knowing I'm quite a fan of leopard-print, he suggested we could get those. Awww! 

(Taking advantage of his kindheartedness, I proclaimed that I loved snakeskin too and could he buy a snakeskin bag for me next time? He agreed without thinking twice... and later tried to jokingly back out when I said: "Do you know how much is one! Muahaha!... I went to On Pedder and their snakeskin bags - non famous brand, but real snakeskin... is about one-two months' salary lor...)

 

I'm just thankful for the days I get to spend with him and hoping that there will be many, many more.