This will make you chuckle, I'm sure of it.
Friday, July 31, 2009
not just a photoframe
I heart this Lego bear which is made by a Lego professional (the only one in Singapore at that.) It doubles up as a sculpture -cum- photoframe too. So creative, interesting and unusual. I feel so tempted to rush out and buy some Lego bricks to create my own.
And the Lego light! I wanna buy it too! wow wow wow wow.
Find more of the uber cool Lego stuff at blackbulbcreations.blogspot.com
Thursday, July 30, 2009
to be happy; or not, it is up to you to decide what you want for your life
I went to 'recce' a location for one of my future shoots, I went to a school, the student or 'clients' as they call them, are what we would normally call 'morons' or diplomatically call 'intellectually challenged'. I was amazed to hear that this is the ONLY school in Singapore that caters to this age range (many for younger age range though)- adults, after secondary or tertiary learning they would come to this school for about 3 years and then leave with a skill. If not, they are destined to 'contract work' like sticking on pricetags on pens.
Some of them are born with Down's Syndrome, others had accidents in birth where the umbilical cord had cut off the oxygen to their brains whilst in labour. Many of them look sub-normal, with the small head and often large, gaitly look. The way they walk is also gangly as some had cerebral palsy. Those that did look normal were quite good looking, but you can see in their gaze that there's not much activity going on in the brain. It's quite sad, really. This school, the one and only school (the rest are institutionalised I believe) is not funded by MOE and so even the teacher's lounge has the bare essentials, only.
Me and Mr A. were discussing the scenario let's say what if one of our kids, during pre-birth, were diagnosed to have Down's syndrome. What would our decisions be. I think for me, I will not choose to give birth to this baby. Sure, christian laws and all stating that we should. But let's get realistic here. Maybe, if I were living in a countryside or village setting, I think the child would be able to survive better. Here in Singapore, we can't afford a full-time care... we can't afford to put him in an institution and that would be very sad too. Best case scenario for him is that he finds a job in McDs or some hard-labor kind of work. People always say that Down's Syndrome kids look happy, are happy and we should give them a chance to live. But what kind of life can they have in Singapore? They have to study for at least 16 years like the rest of us. And after that, they only get a certificate. I spoke to the teacher who said that they all know there's something wrong with them. In fact, when they travel home, they want to change out of their uniform lest people label or mock them. And many of them asked the teacher, 'Teacher, why am I so stupid? I keep learning and trying but I can't seem to remember?' These words haunt me. Do you think they are happy to be born?
Anyways, I hope that I will never have to make such a decision, it's always heartbreaking either way. Serving in the church small kids' (4-6 years) service, I've met some who are either mildly autistic or extreme hyperactive. Even taking care of them for 1.5 hours exhausts me. I can't imagine the frustrated parents. And are they cute? No! They are totally irritating. Yes, shower the kids with love and care I say, but the extreme hyperactive may need some medication to calm him down, thus enabling him to learn more and behave 'normally', at least to what Society dictates as normal. We normal ones have to struggle with other things such as the ranking of our schools, whether we can make it into Express stream, and then make it into our preferred course, and then make it into our preferred line of work. Seems like we have to struggle with more things too... ...but still, we take pride in our little accomplishments because we worked heart and soul for them. I used to mind that people knew I had a degree. Now I don't hesitate telling everyone that my degree is first-class, because I worked my butt off for it, hahaha! I didn't sleep for that year of study by the way. (Thank you RedBull.)
==
Early this week I read this article about happiness in The Straits Times. It kept me thinking up till today about happiness, and it will impact me for quite a long time to come.
Powerful words does change perspectives.
When diamonds aren't a man's best friend
Cheong Suk-Wai, Straits Times 28 Jul 09;
NOBEL laureate Bertrand Russell once said that a person was happiest if he flowed with 'the stream of life', instead of being as hard and separate from it as a billiard ball.
Shanghai-born psychologist Christopher Hsee has refined that idea further by distinguishing between stream-of-life happenings that compare social standings and so drive unhappy wedges among people, and events that don't.
His work has been highlighted in scholarly journals and mainstream media. In 2002, Nobel laureate in economics Daniel Kahneman cited Prof Hsee's work at some length in his lecture.
Prof Hsee holds the Theodore O Yntema chair at the Booth Business School of the University of Chicago. He earned a PhD in psychology at Yale University in 1993.
The son of an engineer and a doctor, he is also legally blind from a congenital eye defect that can be little corrected.
It is ironic that the married father of two is now credited as being among the first to introduce the science of happiness to China, as none of its colleges would admit him as an undergraduate because of his blindness. His family eventually migrated to Hawaii and he went to college there.
In town recently to teach at the Booth campus along Penang Road, Prof Hsee told me why joy is elusive:
# Are the materialistic less happy?
It's very difficult to show a causal relationship between materialism and happiness. We don't know whether people who believe in materialism are less happy or that people who are less happy tend to believe in materialism.
# Why?
To do so, you would need to have some people believe in materialism and have some others not believe in it, and then test their happiness. But this is difficult to do. It is also very difficult for us to understand which causes which.
# So it's a chicken and egg thing.
That's right. It is possible that happy people tend to make more money because they're more optimistic, more motivated and, eventually, they are more liked and can get higher paying positions. In any case, increasing wealth can increase one's happiness but it very much depends on what you want.
# When is wealth no longer contentment but contention instead?
Many have debated about whether happiness is relative or absolute. What I have found is that it depends on whether it is what I call a Type A or Type B event.
A Type A event is that which people have an absolute standard as to what's good and bad. For example, loneliness makes us unhappy.
Type B events are based on social comparisons, like how big your diamond is. The distinction is important because if we spend a lot of resources to improve Type B goods, it will largely be a zero sum game.
# Why is that?
If everyone wears large diamonds, our average happiness will be the same as when everyone wears small diamonds. On the other hand, working to improve Type A goods can absolutely improve people's happiness. In hindsight, this may seem quite obvious, but it can help governments and companies invest their resources better.
# So why does human nature have us believe that things can make us happy?
Well, there are two reasons. The first is that people have to survive before they can pursue happiness. Even the US Declaration of Independence talks about three inalienable rights - and life goes before the pursuit of happiness.
The dilemma today is that people who are no longer concerned about basic survival needs still pursue material goods. That's because of inertia. Money used to be so scarce that, even with money now, people still feel they have to pursue it.
# Why is finding joy in things bad?
The problem is that it has a cost, because the fact that you have a bigger diamond makes others who don't less happy. So the pursuit of Type B (happiness) is worse than a zero sum game because to afford a bigger diamond than what others have, you will have to work harder and longer to make more money. And the mining companies will have to find more diamonds, at great cost to the environment.
# Is joy borne of struggle greater than joy borne of a silver spoon existence?
I know many wealthy people in China who are in their 50s and are happy now because they were very poor as kids. They're rich through their own efforts and have also benefited from reforms over the last few decades. Yet I'm not sure their kids, who get to stay in five-star hotels, are as happy as their parents. They won't have as much upward improvement as their parents had.
# How much does living in an increasingly uncertain world hobble our happiness?
I'm not sure we face more uncertainty than our ancestors who had the uncertainty of survival. Uncertainty is not always bad. One of the obstacles to happiness is, in fact, certainty. Suppose someone could live in heaven where there's all peace and certainty. He may be very happy at the beginning, but in the long run, people who adapt too much get bored.
# So being less able to adapt is good?
The point is that to increase or maintain happiness we should pursue events which are resistant to adaptation. For example, if you have a very expensive granite countertop in your kitchen, you will adapt to the joy you get from it after a while.
But if you have a puppy which is dynamic and variable, you cannot adapt to it easily and so it can give you pleasure for a longer time. Most social events are less prone to adaptation, so having pets or enjoying the arts gives us greater joy in the long run.
Some of them are born with Down's Syndrome, others had accidents in birth where the umbilical cord had cut off the oxygen to their brains whilst in labour. Many of them look sub-normal, with the small head and often large, gaitly look. The way they walk is also gangly as some had cerebral palsy. Those that did look normal were quite good looking, but you can see in their gaze that there's not much activity going on in the brain. It's quite sad, really. This school, the one and only school (the rest are institutionalised I believe) is not funded by MOE and so even the teacher's lounge has the bare essentials, only.
Me and Mr A. were discussing the scenario let's say what if one of our kids, during pre-birth, were diagnosed to have Down's syndrome. What would our decisions be. I think for me, I will not choose to give birth to this baby. Sure, christian laws and all stating that we should. But let's get realistic here. Maybe, if I were living in a countryside or village setting, I think the child would be able to survive better. Here in Singapore, we can't afford a full-time care... we can't afford to put him in an institution and that would be very sad too. Best case scenario for him is that he finds a job in McDs or some hard-labor kind of work. People always say that Down's Syndrome kids look happy, are happy and we should give them a chance to live. But what kind of life can they have in Singapore? They have to study for at least 16 years like the rest of us. And after that, they only get a certificate. I spoke to the teacher who said that they all know there's something wrong with them. In fact, when they travel home, they want to change out of their uniform lest people label or mock them. And many of them asked the teacher, 'Teacher, why am I so stupid? I keep learning and trying but I can't seem to remember?' These words haunt me. Do you think they are happy to be born?
Anyways, I hope that I will never have to make such a decision, it's always heartbreaking either way. Serving in the church small kids' (4-6 years) service, I've met some who are either mildly autistic or extreme hyperactive. Even taking care of them for 1.5 hours exhausts me. I can't imagine the frustrated parents. And are they cute? No! They are totally irritating. Yes, shower the kids with love and care I say, but the extreme hyperactive may need some medication to calm him down, thus enabling him to learn more and behave 'normally', at least to what Society dictates as normal. We normal ones have to struggle with other things such as the ranking of our schools, whether we can make it into Express stream, and then make it into our preferred course, and then make it into our preferred line of work. Seems like we have to struggle with more things too... ...but still, we take pride in our little accomplishments because we worked heart and soul for them. I used to mind that people knew I had a degree. Now I don't hesitate telling everyone that my degree is first-class, because I worked my butt off for it, hahaha! I didn't sleep for that year of study by the way. (Thank you RedBull.)
==
Early this week I read this article about happiness in The Straits Times. It kept me thinking up till today about happiness, and it will impact me for quite a long time to come.
Powerful words does change perspectives.
When diamonds aren't a man's best friend
Cheong Suk-Wai, Straits Times 28 Jul 09;
NOBEL laureate Bertrand Russell once said that a person was happiest if he flowed with 'the stream of life', instead of being as hard and separate from it as a billiard ball.
Shanghai-born psychologist Christopher Hsee has refined that idea further by distinguishing between stream-of-life happenings that compare social standings and so drive unhappy wedges among people, and events that don't.
His work has been highlighted in scholarly journals and mainstream media. In 2002, Nobel laureate in economics Daniel Kahneman cited Prof Hsee's work at some length in his lecture.
Prof Hsee holds the Theodore O Yntema chair at the Booth Business School of the University of Chicago. He earned a PhD in psychology at Yale University in 1993.
The son of an engineer and a doctor, he is also legally blind from a congenital eye defect that can be little corrected.
It is ironic that the married father of two is now credited as being among the first to introduce the science of happiness to China, as none of its colleges would admit him as an undergraduate because of his blindness. His family eventually migrated to Hawaii and he went to college there.
In town recently to teach at the Booth campus along Penang Road, Prof Hsee told me why joy is elusive:
# Are the materialistic less happy?
It's very difficult to show a causal relationship between materialism and happiness. We don't know whether people who believe in materialism are less happy or that people who are less happy tend to believe in materialism.
# Why?
To do so, you would need to have some people believe in materialism and have some others not believe in it, and then test their happiness. But this is difficult to do. It is also very difficult for us to understand which causes which.
# So it's a chicken and egg thing.
That's right. It is possible that happy people tend to make more money because they're more optimistic, more motivated and, eventually, they are more liked and can get higher paying positions. In any case, increasing wealth can increase one's happiness but it very much depends on what you want.
# When is wealth no longer contentment but contention instead?
Many have debated about whether happiness is relative or absolute. What I have found is that it depends on whether it is what I call a Type A or Type B event.
A Type A event is that which people have an absolute standard as to what's good and bad. For example, loneliness makes us unhappy.
Type B events are based on social comparisons, like how big your diamond is. The distinction is important because if we spend a lot of resources to improve Type B goods, it will largely be a zero sum game.
# Why is that?
If everyone wears large diamonds, our average happiness will be the same as when everyone wears small diamonds. On the other hand, working to improve Type A goods can absolutely improve people's happiness. In hindsight, this may seem quite obvious, but it can help governments and companies invest their resources better.
# So why does human nature have us believe that things can make us happy?
Well, there are two reasons. The first is that people have to survive before they can pursue happiness. Even the US Declaration of Independence talks about three inalienable rights - and life goes before the pursuit of happiness.
The dilemma today is that people who are no longer concerned about basic survival needs still pursue material goods. That's because of inertia. Money used to be so scarce that, even with money now, people still feel they have to pursue it.
# Why is finding joy in things bad?
The problem is that it has a cost, because the fact that you have a bigger diamond makes others who don't less happy. So the pursuit of Type B (happiness) is worse than a zero sum game because to afford a bigger diamond than what others have, you will have to work harder and longer to make more money. And the mining companies will have to find more diamonds, at great cost to the environment.
# Is joy borne of struggle greater than joy borne of a silver spoon existence?
I know many wealthy people in China who are in their 50s and are happy now because they were very poor as kids. They're rich through their own efforts and have also benefited from reforms over the last few decades. Yet I'm not sure their kids, who get to stay in five-star hotels, are as happy as their parents. They won't have as much upward improvement as their parents had.
# How much does living in an increasingly uncertain world hobble our happiness?
I'm not sure we face more uncertainty than our ancestors who had the uncertainty of survival. Uncertainty is not always bad. One of the obstacles to happiness is, in fact, certainty. Suppose someone could live in heaven where there's all peace and certainty. He may be very happy at the beginning, but in the long run, people who adapt too much get bored.
# So being less able to adapt is good?
The point is that to increase or maintain happiness we should pursue events which are resistant to adaptation. For example, if you have a very expensive granite countertop in your kitchen, you will adapt to the joy you get from it after a while.
But if you have a puppy which is dynamic and variable, you cannot adapt to it easily and so it can give you pleasure for a longer time. Most social events are less prone to adaptation, so having pets or enjoying the arts gives us greater joy in the long run.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
a few reasons to save up.
Mr A. said that he had deeper pockets this month because he got a bonus. It's awfully nice of him to share some of it with me. Exercise mats, pasta dinners and all. How about a new handphone too? (Blackberry, or some new-fangled qwerty device please...) Just kidding. It's amazing how we can find so many things we NEED to buy while living in (this) city. I already have plans (vague plans) as to what to do with my future money. I NEED a new hp. A digital camera. Clothes. Makeup. Skincare. More clothes. The perfect shade of lipstick.
Black photoframes for my postcards. I'm so glad I don't have to go to balding centres, slimming centres, rebond my hair or give money to both my parents.
But we have some ways to make our money stretch.
1. Eating at Mr A's Mom's diner.(FOC)
For dinner, I love the fact that I can eat white, fragrant rice at The Diner. And 'hebi hiam', and soups. A typical Cantonese dinner. Nice soups. I come from a postmodern family who is into organic whole foods. Never seen white rice for years, only brown, basmati, mixed-or short grain rice. Currently eating pita bread for breakfast and dinner and the occasional takeaways zi char. So I relish the traditional, sit at dining table and soup with the meal concept.
Mr A. said that's also a good way of spending time with her but I can't see how, she doesn't eat with us, only after.
Still, it saves us money. Which brings me on to point #2.
2. Eating on a budget.($30)
Limiting unnecessary restaurant dining experiences to celebratory excursions.
For two, we came up with a tight budget of $30 per meal dining out.
It's not that hard-pressed to find food here actually. Faves include the recent KimGary - a lamb chop meal which comes with drink, soup, bread, and the delectable french toast is less than $25. Portions big enough for two. We also like sukiyaki (introdued Mr A. to it and he loves it soooo much, unusual for a guy) which we can share at Ichiban's, paired with a few sides, and Chompchomp's selections. I somehow always like the cheery atmosphere of Chompchomp, no matter what, eating there will make my mood uplifted. Perhaps a fond childhood memory of the place, and the best bbq chicken wings ever paired with all the nice carrotcake, satay beehoon, oyster omelette.... slurps.
3. NOT going to shopping malls on weekends. (FOC)
I have given Vivocity and Raffles City too much of my money. Even if it's a worthy buy like books, inevitably I will need a Coffeebucks or a manicure or a new hairband, at these evil places. And end up spending $50? Bleah!
Places to go on weekends: Old Town Big Splash. Yums. ECP, Pasir Ris Park, Furniture shops - not counted as shopping because not really buying anything. Quite happy I live near the east, nothing much to do in the west muahaha!
4. No movie-watching on weekends. (Save $2.50+$2.50=$5!)
Adds up to great savings! Think about that! IF one month can save $10, one year is $120... just enough for a IKEA kitchen cupboard.
5. No buying any more tee-shirts which are black. ($30?)
Or tee-shirts for that matter. I have enough black, blue, gray ones (I need dark colors in my line of work)
6. Daytrip to JB on weekends (50% off)
Don't know how it's going to help us save money - maybe just on petrol. We are going to try this out. Means I have to break my 'no shopping centres on weekends' rule.
7. Planning ahead. (Priceless, I'm guessing savings of a few hundred per month)
From now on I'm going to write on a post-it pad about pre-empted purchases and 'need to spend on' things like facials and supplies of whatever product that is running out. Now that I also apply tinted moisturizer on my neck and decolletage area to minimize signs of aging, it can only last a month compared to 3 months', previously. My facewash also runs out real fast. One can last 1.5 months? Hmm.
Working it out before the paycheck is in the bank does help tremendously. I've been good so far... ... (I didn't forget to include my Thomas Sabo charms expenditure every month.)
Yea, that's all I can think of for now, Luckily, I can claim my taxi expenses which work out to around $200 - $400 on average per month, so I actually spend very little on transport a month, like about $60?
I miss Mr A. After a nice weekend out, the days apart seem too long. It's sick living in a country where we work so long hours (him, not me) - and having so many other activities - church commitments on clashing weekdays - that even though we both live a street apart (according to the postal code that is), meeting up on weekdays prove difficult.
Going home to nurse a nasty ulcer on the tongue, do my mat exercises and think about him.
Black photoframes for my postcards. I'm so glad I don't have to go to balding centres, slimming centres, rebond my hair or give money to both my parents.
But we have some ways to make our money stretch.
1. Eating at Mr A's Mom's diner.(FOC)
For dinner, I love the fact that I can eat white, fragrant rice at The Diner. And 'hebi hiam', and soups. A typical Cantonese dinner. Nice soups. I come from a postmodern family who is into organic whole foods. Never seen white rice for years, only brown, basmati, mixed-or short grain rice. Currently eating pita bread for breakfast and dinner and the occasional takeaways zi char. So I relish the traditional, sit at dining table and soup with the meal concept.
Mr A. said that's also a good way of spending time with her but I can't see how, she doesn't eat with us, only after.
Still, it saves us money. Which brings me on to point #2.
2. Eating on a budget.($30)
Limiting unnecessary restaurant dining experiences to celebratory excursions.
For two, we came up with a tight budget of $30 per meal dining out.
It's not that hard-pressed to find food here actually. Faves include the recent KimGary - a lamb chop meal which comes with drink, soup, bread, and the delectable french toast is less than $25. Portions big enough for two. We also like sukiyaki (introdued Mr A. to it and he loves it soooo much, unusual for a guy) which we can share at Ichiban's, paired with a few sides, and Chompchomp's selections. I somehow always like the cheery atmosphere of Chompchomp, no matter what, eating there will make my mood uplifted. Perhaps a fond childhood memory of the place, and the best bbq chicken wings ever paired with all the nice carrotcake, satay beehoon, oyster omelette.... slurps.
3. NOT going to shopping malls on weekends. (FOC)
I have given Vivocity and Raffles City too much of my money. Even if it's a worthy buy like books, inevitably I will need a Coffeebucks or a manicure or a new hairband, at these evil places. And end up spending $50? Bleah!
Places to go on weekends: Old Town Big Splash. Yums. ECP, Pasir Ris Park, Furniture shops - not counted as shopping because not really buying anything. Quite happy I live near the east, nothing much to do in the west muahaha!
4. No movie-watching on weekends. (Save $2.50+$2.50=$5!)
Adds up to great savings! Think about that! IF one month can save $10, one year is $120... just enough for a IKEA kitchen cupboard.
5. No buying any more tee-shirts which are black. ($30?)
Or tee-shirts for that matter. I have enough black, blue, gray ones (I need dark colors in my line of work)
6. Daytrip to JB on weekends (50% off)
Don't know how it's going to help us save money - maybe just on petrol. We are going to try this out. Means I have to break my 'no shopping centres on weekends' rule.
7. Planning ahead. (Priceless, I'm guessing savings of a few hundred per month)
From now on I'm going to write on a post-it pad about pre-empted purchases and 'need to spend on' things like facials and supplies of whatever product that is running out. Now that I also apply tinted moisturizer on my neck and decolletage area to minimize signs of aging, it can only last a month compared to 3 months', previously. My facewash also runs out real fast. One can last 1.5 months? Hmm.
Working it out before the paycheck is in the bank does help tremendously. I've been good so far... ... (I didn't forget to include my Thomas Sabo charms expenditure every month.)
Yea, that's all I can think of for now, Luckily, I can claim my taxi expenses which work out to around $200 - $400 on average per month, so I actually spend very little on transport a month, like about $60?
I miss Mr A. After a nice weekend out, the days apart seem too long. It's sick living in a country where we work so long hours (him, not me) - and having so many other activities - church commitments on clashing weekdays - that even though we both live a street apart (according to the postal code that is), meeting up on weekdays prove difficult.
Going home to nurse a nasty ulcer on the tongue, do my mat exercises and think about him.
[Official] Wonder Girls - So Hot MV
The song the baby was dancing too... And they are ALL wearing leopard print, love it!
Monday, July 27, 2009
a contagious idea
I think it's nice to be able to printout photos and keep keepsakes of your favorite memories, the happy memories... ... some of them, I can't even recollect until I look at the photos, though it's been only about 2 months since I was there.
I have a happy memory of our Sunday outing too, when me and Mr A. just spotted a packet of potato chips - I love that flavor, it's honey baked ham potato chips from M&S, which was out of stock for a while. Mr A. loves it too, and we were just walking side by side, eating the chips slowly while walking back to the carpark. Somehow just this simple thing stirs up some strong feelings in me. It's amazing how good life can get when you're in a relationship. Me, I'm having a blast. I get to sample delicious soups at Mr A.'s Mom's kitchen. I had watercress - lovely flavor; turnip soup, yummy warm and soothing; and yesterday it was peanut soup with papaya. Coming from a home that only cooks chicken soup and mostly cooks curries, I savor the warm soups cooked for me. It's nutritious too!
Mr A. also keeps buying stuff for me. I know I shouldn't complain, but I know his pockets aren't that deep, so I worry whether I have made him super broke this month. For the whole month he has been treating me to meals and small gifts.
Seems like he is still okay since he has bought a car GPS and also treat my parents and little brother to the wonderful fresh pasta at Pasta Fresca. Mom and Dad loved the fresh pasta and pizza... ... I'm glad for a nice boyfriend and also love the arrabiata with tagliatelle. I never fancied arrabiata (tomato paste with garlic, herbs, spicy) much until I tried the one at Pasta Fresca. I always go for safe bets like carbonara... lagsane... =) So now we have 2 exercise mats that we bought at the discount shop at Little India... and it's Nike brand. Not fussy about exercise mat brands but compared to the rest of the mat, Nike wins hands-down for it's lightness, price point, and best of all you can use the mat both sides! How that works, I don't know! Guess it's based on personal preferences. But we have the idea to tone our muscles daily on the mat because we're going to have some photos taken at Bryan*Jean. I must say that the mat really motivates me to exercise, such a nice gray- two-sided mat which is a gift, too! So I have been doing Pilate-like exercises and I think the results are immediate, and scary. I only did one session of 30 mins' workout at home in front of the TV, and 10- 15 mins' here and there. Almost daily though. And I also used the resistance-band commonly known as Theraband. My arms and shoulders appear toned!!! So fast! And I can feel the armpit area becoming more contoured, there is now a small hollow... the fatty part that pops out when wearing sleeveless is reduced to half its size... If the results of Pilates is sooooo instantaneous, I am going to do it daily! But... it seems that my calves grew bigger. Sobs. The muscles popped out over the fats! It's bad. And I am not even doing any ... exercise to target my legs. Hopefully the fats will go down in a bit. Mr A. very kindly said that perhaps it's due to water retention... ... ummm, not likely... =P
I think that if some of us can have deep thoughts about their actions in life, more often, they would become better and ... more likeable. Honestly, being upset when they receive criticisms, and badmouthing the said critic or acting like the victim here is not going to do anything for them. Sure, they may elict some sympathy from others but in the end, they don't improve or change. I think one thing that irks me, really irks me are people who seem nice and all that, but they are really bitchy people. And they don't know it themselves. But I can see it in their eyes. They try to assess others who are around them. Whether others are sizing them up, too. And they try to act superior and offer up pieces of advice. They try to be friendly to people they have yet to categorize.
But unfortunately, they come across as 'fake'. Somehow although the piece of advice seems well-intentioned, we always don't carry it through because we are astute enough to know why it is being given. And... ... some of us, like me, go the other way. Having 'seen through' them, we just avoid unnecessary disturbances to our ideal way of life. Avoidance may be one way of showing maturity in this area.
Friday, July 24, 2009
the men still don't get it.
One of the few lady friends I have remarked to me after the previous post,
'Yes, totally AGREE that we, women always prefer to have BETTER choices.
Well, who doesn't like to have a choice in life? Especially our soulmate.'
I'm still amazed and terribly happy that I'm able to find a real man who loves me, in Mr A. I always wonder, as a thinker thinks to herself, how can it be possible that two people can find each other and love each other. What are the odds? Some time back, I was acquainted with a nice couple around my age. The girl was gushing to me on how lucky she was she found her Mr Right, and was hopeful of a future together. On the same day, I happened to take the bus back with said Mr Right, as we lived in the same district. Surprisingly, as if he knew what Ms Right had said to me earlier, he mentioned that, his girlfriend seemed to think the world of him and all... ... he is her soulmate, her lifelong dream. But for him, he said that, although he loves her, she is not his soulmate. She is not THE ONE for him. His blunt honestly shocked me to bits and I remembered that for years. I do wonder sometimes, what has happened to him? Has he found his gal?
Meanwhile, the girl has broken up with him, moved out of Singapore, and is now dating a Korean guy so I hope that she has found happiness. Mr A. doesn't really understand about the part where women always prefer better choices. Perhaps in our parent's generation, the network of guys you could pick from was few. And so, you either settled for the one who loved you more and seemed to have a decent character, or you waited until you had to be matchmaked by nosy relatives. But now, having been exposed to different men, not only locally but to 'laowai', to romanticised Korean men, to boyish Taiwanese men... ... we get a little more picky. Just as there are so many options as to what we can apply as makeup on our faces - See, there's foundation, or powdered foundation, or tinted moisturizer, or mineral, or organic, or animal-friendly, or rich in gemstones... ... how to choose? So many options, in our minds. Our lives, and destiny, can totally change if say, we happen to fall in love with a rich (has to be rich) Indonesian Chinese we met in college, and now, living in Jkt, putting on 10 kg because of sedentary lifestyle and tai-tai-ing the days away, having 5 maids to manage and wads of rupiah.
So now, if you know your guy has a lazy bone, is slacker in nature, been with you for a long time but seems reluctant to propose or to start thinking about the future, a 5-year plan. If your guy just CMI.
Cannot make it. You can't stand his porkbelly now. You can't stand his lack of personal hygiene. You can't stand his nagging about your lack of CPF in-order to get married and have a HDB and you know you will divorce him if you ever marry him. IF he stands you up during friday night dates, saying he is tired but only said so after you call him after 6pm asking where should we go. CMI!!!
If you can't stand his attitude towards your needs, or he seems to have roving eyes, saying your friends are HOT (but never said that about you.) If you see that he has done it before (been unfaithful)... even though he wants to change, you trust and believe so but the odds are, you have to know, that he will do it again and what will you do then? When he repeats the history which always repeats itself, and time and evidence has always proven so.
Will you leave him, or continue loving him 'till death does us part'?
We women are not STUPID. All these incidents are true, they have been related to me by women around myself.
Some wise up and choose a better future for themselves, perhaps the younger ones. The younger ones have less to lose. They are also more willing to 'let go and let God.'
Some choose to stay. And become a totally naggy person. I always wonder why, too. Why they choose to stay. Maybe they think that is the best life has to offer them.
But if they choose to stay they should also accept his shortcomings because they have accepted that in the past.
Mr A. wanted to know if in future I meet some other guy who has 'all that and more', would I leave this true love, for the other guy? He seemed sulky after I explained about the 'better choices'.
The men really don't get it ah...
Anyways, I have made my choice already! If a woman is not serious about you, she will never agree to certain things... like a 5-year plan with you!!!
Silly Mr A.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Daughtry version of Poker Face
One of my current fave songs... Chris Daughtry does a good job with it.
the men never get it.
Why women seem to be more materialistic than men; IE 'I want my husband/boyfriend to be able to buy me an Audi next time'; 'He must earn more than me, I can't accept less'... ... It's not about the money.
When women want a guy who has more or better educational status than them, it's not about the braggability, nor the oft-quoted tome about 'Smart women like smart men.' We actually like our guys to be a little more simple, a little more dense because Smarty-pants is never charming. Prince Edward of 'Enchanted' is a doofus, but adorable because he is so in love with Gisele, and he sings to her, too.
In our grandparents' generation, the women always stayed at home, unless the man passed away early, then the oft-uneducated woman would have to take on jobs like food court cleaner, laundromat helper, to support her young children. But seemingly in a hand-to-mouth existence, they could still afford a HDB and new clothes every month.
In our parent's generation, the women had a choice to stay at home, and take care of the kids, or work. Work being mainly 'office clerks', 'typists', receptionists, for those with O'levels and service industries for those without. Most mothers stayed at home if the family could afford it. Mine did, preferring the home life to a office environment. 6 people subsisted on one income but the fridge was always full, we had 2 modes of transport (Fiat-minivan or motorbike), and we owned a HDB flat.
Women look up to guys who seem smart, because they have a better opportunity to excel in their chosen field of work = better chances of getting promoted or recognized or headhunted and thus, having a better income. But it's not about the income. It's about having the choice. Choosing between staying at home or going to work. If my family was rich, and could afford to supply me with say, $2K/month for the rest of my life, I would be very happy working as a part time waitress, serving coffee and tea, and spending the rest of my days having long walks, writing stories, reading and making art.
Most guys nowadays think that women, their other half, should go out and work. In fact, many of my peers, gentlemen, seemed curious as to why I had mentioned (to them before), that women, they don't need you men to be rich or provide luxuries for them. BUT... when we are in the parenthood phase(which will last for about 20 years for some of us), we always prefer to have a CHOICE. To be able to choose between working, or wanting to stay at home to look after the kids.
To be able to choose.
And because women are always smart enough to look for better options for her own life, like finding the perfect mascara, or the perfect little black dress. we hope that in this lifetime, we can find a man who's all that and more. Sure, we don't discriminate against men who are lowly educated. But we always prefer having a better choice.
And the men don't get it why women like flowers. As children, boys and girls, we always want to pick wildflowers to give to our Mommy. 'Hey Mommy! This flower is picked for you.' In a sense, we are giving it out of love even though Mommy may not want that flower picked. But she accepts it because she knows the child's intention. And women accept flowers from men in the same way. Flowers makes us feel special - just note the admiring glances if you carry a big bouquet of flowers in the MRT, whether you are male or female you are sure to get a lot of attention. Flowers make us feel loved, and pretty, they spell out that we are lovely, like a flower. Tee hee, a flower for me? Awwwww. How sweet, we say.
Even those women who purportedly say they do not like flowers or are 'not a flower person', always seem to melt when they are presented with sincere flowers from the heart. But men being men, they take these women's words as what-it-is, and never give them flowers. Gah.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
places to go, things to do
I think one thing good about the state of the economy is that it has helped me to try to save, psychologically.
Thinking of ways and means to save on your usual purchases is not easy; seeing this retail environ we live in, and … sometimes it’s more worth it to buy the more expensive stuff. All nods in agreement. Regretting after buying a cheap and no-good piece of clothing/makeup/whatever, it’s not worth the frustration. But I try to note down things, like GainCity has a discount on digital cameras, saving some dough… and other places some things can buy it cheaper, too.
I buy most of my books second-hand, a wise decision because I can read 2 books in a week. I still like going to The Bookshops in Raffles City, Wheelock; and Vivocity, but now, I plan for my book purchases, and buy them at Bras Basah. Kind Indian man already recognizes me, always having the same question. ‘Any Nicholas Sparks’ books?’ Once I like one author I have to read most of his books. So I’ve read most of Jostein Gaarder’s, Agatha Christie’s, Nicholas Sparks’. Got a Paulo Coelho book and it was my first, a pleasant read.
Stumbled upon this shop, ‘Cat Socrates’, near the 2nd hand bookstore, it sells everything I like. Tin Robots. Notebooks of brown paper and vintage prints. Lomo prints in small, small pieces – I bought to paste on my Office wall.
http://home.catsocrates.com.sg/
We bought a notebook (his idea!) and wanted to write down all our little memories. Listed down places we wanted to go – so many nice places to go, and eat at, and just relax at… the night-places we can go to, it’s hard-pressed to find a decent location at night to just cosy up and talk.
There are the too-dark and isolated places like parks which does not bode well for having a quality conversation, plus I have a dread fear of mossies since I had dengue before, (Really. We always bring tealight candles when we go to the beach at night. People think it’s for the romance feel but actually to chase away mossies, and ants too we discovered, and it works 100%.)
So on a dating session last Saturday night, we found ourselves at T3, Changi Airport. On the signboard at the lift area the shops at B1, B2, B3 etc were listed. Mr A. thought that the ‘24H’ notation at the back of the restaurant’s name meant the area it was located, and puzzledly said, ‘Eh, where’s area 24H’? I was hysterical.
The book Pastor recommended ‘5 love languages’ is really beneficial to us in this stage of our relationship. I had quite a hard time determining which is mine, I guess I feel loved so much that I don’t really know what is lacking or what I would like more? But it turns out that an obvious one for me would be quality time. (Him, even without reading he insists it is ‘touch’.) It’s really fun to find out the different dialects we will have in our love language. As a ‘thinker’, I enjoy a quality conversation, talking about things that are conjecturally interesting, talking analytically about people and people’s relationships and what we would do in that situation.
He likes simple massages… and I happen to be able to give massages really well! I think for couples who don’t speak each other’s love languages fluently, it may pose some difficulties. I actually know of guys who don’t like to be touched… but I’m sure every couples likes to spend time together, right… We keep up a daily conversation through email, so it’s nice to have a message pop up, sometimes about funny stuff, about how lunch was, about how was our work like, the interesting places I filmed, the things he did, like singing ‘beat it’ last Friday to the ire of his colleagues.
And so each day passes, happily.
Michael Jackson's REAL cause of death! [OFFICIAL]
Everyone has to watch this, if it's the only video you watch this week.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Men.
Some observations about men.
Men. We love them, hate them, try to understand them, try to make them understand us.
The men in my life have always had an enduring fascination with women. ‘What do you girls talk about?’ And why do we like to ‘go shopping’ so much? I guess these are some of the questions on their mind. And perhaps being the only answer key to the multitude of questions left unsolved and unanswered, they probed, albeit on the surface, about a women’s mystery.
Women talk about the same things as men. We talk about men, the same way men, invariably talk about women, though in a different context.
We talk about our fears, and desires, and being woman – and born with what you men call, ‘a woman’s intuition’, we sense more than what is being said. Our girlfriends may talk about how much she fancies a chap we all know, but somehow, perhaps in a glimpse, a moment when she looks away momentarily, with a bewildered and disheartening look; we manage to catch the look that means, yes, I do like him immensely, but I also know that we are not meant to be. And we do. Not. Ask. But offer the friendship, and the listening ear when the time comes when she must move on.
And in all my conversations with the men in my life, I’m truly bewildered at how men fear women. We are the weaker sex, easily overpowered by men, with a far wider range of things to worry about, then them. We have health and hormonal issues, women get headaches twice the frequency (and intensity, I believe!)more so then the male gender, we have to worry about our skin, our hair, our body, more so than men, because whether we like it or not, we are more often, judged by our appearances than what is inside. So being already judged for being superficial, we also judge those around us who seem less put-together. And we are hormonally conditioned to like men who seem to be able to have the right criteria (Criteria depends from woman to woman) to be able to take care of us.
Men are clueless when it comes to the ways of women. So they are scared when they make women cry, or make them angry. They don’t know what to do. Keep asking’ Are you alright’ doesn’t help one single bit. Nor does avoiding the situation entirely. But men do not know the variables when a women cries. It could be that she is regretting being with him, and thinking of and not being able to forget her first love. And having these wretched feelings, she cries, or is angry, with herself and the world. But you won’t know that, because these are things that will remain unspoken of. It could be a stressful and hormonal period of time in her life/that month, and even speaking of it, explaining it to him, he wouldn’t be able to understand, and perhaps it would be better if he remained clueless. It could be that simply, women cry easily. Because after that, we feel much better than keeping it all in, like men.
Men fear that they become unattractive (Or never were attractive!!!) to women. Even though they stick to their boring old polo tees(for years, as if there were an ongoing competition!), you can hear them muttering to themselves about their burgeoning belly, even though they don’t seem to want to eat less or exercise more. And even pat each others’ bellies, supposedly as a sign of brotherly affection when it means a slightly sinister gloating at their comrade’s sign of ageing. All men have this sinister fear. Even those who are hunky and look dashing, all the other guys would admire their tight body, sexy back and handsome face, inside, they are afraid of not appearing attractive or desirable to women, too!
Some try to impress by becoming a Mr Know-it- all, offering up pieces of advice or showcasing their adept skills at something. Like blabbering on about the latest news or the newest movie/book/hot scandal. However, this often misfires as women are not as impressed as they think women would be.
Some act nonchalant, not seeming to care about the state of their polo tees or their belly.
Perhaps being more optimistic, they think that, surely, after some time, some beauty would be able to acknowledge their vast charms, and want to swim in the deep sea of their eyes. But as the years go on, they start to have a sinking feeling that the women only see them as ‘woodblocks’, ‘activity partners’, and not desirable in the way they see a man they would like to have by their side. And their deepest fear sees the daylight.
Why do some men play with women’s hearts? They want to make a woman like them. Maybe this is a subconscious thing – perhaps since their childhood days they have never felt love from any woman. And so they ‘woo’ the women in their lives. They appear nice. Sensitive. Very sweet. And always paying – perhaps a need for the women to have a monetary obligation to them, but the women tell themselves he is being a true gentleman. Each date or friendly meeting experience is tinged with the ‘romance feel’. Invariably, the strongest of women will develop feelings. But these men are insecure, worrisome, think too much about their own feelings and usually says things to make them seem nice that women will continue liking them, and not say it because it comes sincerely from the heart.
And most of the things that men do, or act,or feel, is ultimately centred on that. Being desirable, being attractive to women. Or maybe, some are more driven by the fear, of being undesirable, or unattractive to women.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
charmed
We've been about a month together now, and we had a little celebration last weekend to mark it.
Was gobsmackedly surprised when Mr A. presented me with a little dog charm! It was the charm I wanted!!! Yay!!!
The week before, while he was doing his 'home-work' at Coffeebucks at The Big Splash, I was reading and had used the Thomas Sabo charm bracelet catalog as a bookmark of sorts, and took it out and placed it on the table. For quite some time now, I have been hankering after the nice charms... I do like charm bracelets and want something I can keep. Tiffany's too expensive (for silver!) in my opinion, but I totally get the feeling when you step into the shop *gasp gasp* or receive one of those blue boxes!!!
So actually, I planned to buy the charm bracelet and each month add a charm to it...
Mr A. swiftly spotted the catalog and *gasp gasp* took note of what I said as I was happily chirping away about the nice designs, which one I am considering, etc etc... Think next time I shall not tell him what I like... you know like sometimes you spot something, like rose-colored plates and cutlery, and mention, ooo, that IS nice... not knowing your boyfriend is taking down mental notes...(and actually, you just think it's nice not that you actually want to buy it nor use it) haha. He is soooo sweet, he wanted to buy me the whole bracelet too but I beat him to it! *phew*.
One of the awesomely good advice Pastor gave us was to find a book - about relationships and growing together, and read it together. That IS good advice. But, the choices of Christian books (and dare I say, secular too) are limited, on this matter. We went to both a Christian bookshop and the bookshop in Raffles City which earns the most money from me... there were abundant choices for those "Oh God why am I still single" people, with titles like 'Make every man want you' (why would you want that?) 'How not to meet jerks', 'single men are like waffles...' and even 'how to plan for a wedding if you have less than 3 months'!!! (Wonder what would anyone say to that!!!) The christian books were mainly for marrieds, like how to keep the flame alive after a year, after kids, after he's been unfaithful, etc. Otherwise there were limited books, of which I've read most already, like Josh Harris', and the quintessential 'Boundaries in Dating'. (Which in my opinion is REALLY good just that I didn't like the new cover. Bleah. Why are old covers always nicer than newer ones and why don't they just stick to the nicer one...)
Anyways Mr A. bought '5 love languages' and since it's been some time since I last read it, I shall read it again at Coffeebucks this weekend.
I read this article online, about understanding your partner's love language, from a newsletter I e-subscribe to. I've read it before, but now, again, it gives a different context - more reality-nitty-gritty now, as I'm in an actual relationship compared to when I was ... imagining that I was?
http://drbenkim.com/articles-lovelanguage.html
For women when it comes to issues of the heart, I think we are much more sensitive - although we try our darndest not to be, but a little thing like him wrenching his head away from you when you pucker up for a kiss (he was jokingly doing that I mean) may make us feel bewildered and a bit sad.
Of course we don't want to seem that we are being uptight and petty so we just let it fall by the wayside but maybe next time we will be slightly more reluctant to ... pucker up.
So I think knowing your own love language also helps in relationship communication in that sense. Though I've known myself for so long, I'm still quite clueless as to which I'd like to give or to receive. Can I choose all of the above?
Yesterday I also received note that my friend's about to wed. Yay! Though I wouldn't claim to be very close to her or to know her well, I'm really really happy for her. I remember that I was one of the first she shared her joy with then last year when he proposed, and hearing her elated being emanating from google-chat (amazing right!) I also felt a warm bubble of happiness seeping through my soul. Ah, weddings are lovely... They are both rather well-planned, meticulous and methodical people so their website... is something I've bookmarked if I need some help next time. Not really being involved in people's weddings apart from singing and helping with the creative part, I am rather intrigued to see the lengths of which they have prepared for their day. They even have customized rings!!!! I ALSO WANT!!! (http://www.fairysinc.com/)
I once knew a guy (not knowing him very well)... he actually bought his rings from one of the most... 'cheapo' or... brand is not very well-positioned brand in Singapore... not Taka Jewellery... it's Citigems! =( Worse, he told me (proudly) he used his sister's member card and got 30% off. =( Worse, I knew that his family is not poor one, landed property alright... some couples, they are not earning much, but at least can buy Lee Hwa? Even Goldheart also not bad, right? Since it's a wedding ring, and you're going to wear it until you can't fit, or at least for the first few years, buy something more worth it... I'm not a brand snob but I was rendered speechless when he bought his rings at... ...nevermind.
The organized couple:
http://www.davidvera.superweds.com
The customized rings:
http://www.fairysinc.com/
The relationship article:
http://drbenkim.com/articles-lovelanguage.html
Hee... I like my new charm bracelet.
Friday, July 03, 2009
july baby
This was the surprise! Whilst walking back to his place to get the car for dinner... Mr A spied... a bunch of balloons in his carpark. And nudged me to look at it... and I collapsed in giggles as the bunch came and presented itself to him. We could hardly fit into the lift... and there was a humongous foil heart balloon that's still floating now. Hee hee! We just kept laughing... it's amazing how balloons bring so much joy and laughter to people. Even while we were walking around a park, random people talked to us and wished him a 'happy birthday' - that's the magic of balloons I guess.
Our balloons and us (and a neighbor auntie!!!) squeezed in with us... she had to bent over but she said she was in a hurry and kept asking us if we were having a party. 'Wah, so many balloons arh! Kai party arh!!!"
Before he reach home, gave a green balloon to his neighbor, and 'overwhelmed' / new birthday costume in the corridor... ...
We spent about half an hour before leaving for dinner, just having fun, taking photos with 2 of the heart foil balloons. I realised that to get really nice photos, you have to take quite a few shots. So we went crazy with photobooth - and I used picasa to piece all together in a collage, both softwares are free... whilst his Mom looked on, amusedly. I really like the collage above... and was amazed Mr A. had so many expressions!!! Below is all our shots - we took 40 in all and there are some really funky ones. Hee... and we're getting some casual photos done by bryan&jean... they take photos which we like very much.
Us before we got into the lift...
Our balloons and us (and a neighbor auntie!!!) squeezed in with us... she had to bent over but she said she was in a hurry and kept asking us if we were having a party. 'Wah, so many balloons arh! Kai party arh!!!"Before he reach home, gave a green balloon to his neighbor, and 'overwhelmed' / new birthday costume in the corridor... ...And a lovely meal at Brazil Churrasco. I did the corporate video on their site. So I had the opportunity of dining there (free) before. I must say the meats are delish, free flow served by waiters... verrry nice! Below is the architectural tree made by the Tree Wizard after having been inspired by our love story... ... it really looks like a real tree and I added a couple wearing clothes that looks like us, standing at the side and looking into the future. Sort of to celebrate a month being together. And a little nest behind on one of the branches of the tree, with eggs which shall remain our little insider secret for now. Mr A. wrote me a card, and gave a charm for my bracelet (He wanted to buy the bracelet but I beat him to it!)... it's so sweet, and unexpected. He even took down notes on what kind of flower I liked (allium - seasonal, now no more la) hee... sometimes when we don't meet, I still feel like, hey, is this for real? Someone once said the love will grow deeper with time, and even though we have to acknowledge we are very different individuals although we like to think we are alike, there's nothing that cannot be worked out or discussed upon...nothing major anyways. I'm touched that even though it's early days now, and as hopeful as we are, reality does play a part, but I'm so touched that he wants, and knows that he wants to spend the rest of his days with me. He feels that he is the most blessed man in The Church... hee... and I am really really happy just to have him, and I pray that we will never know what it's like to be without each other.
We spent about half an hour before leaving for dinner, just having fun, taking photos with 2 of the heart foil balloons. I realised that to get really nice photos, you have to take quite a few shots. So we went crazy with photobooth - and I used picasa to piece all together in a collage, both softwares are free... whilst his Mom looked on, amusedly. I really like the collage above... and was amazed Mr A. had so many expressions!!! Below is all our shots - we took 40 in all and there are some really funky ones. Hee... and we're getting some casual photos done by bryan&jean... they take photos which we like very much.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
day off
Since Mr. A chirpily requested to have me take a day off, I requested for tomorrow (Friday) off, along with submitting my taxi claim forms. (It's $350. For. this. month.)
My boss just agreed and said that I could take days off whenever I liked since all of us are working so hard and all... ... so I seized the opportunity to say that in August I will be taking one day here and two days here. No problem, he smiled. Later he realised that since he will not be around also, he magnanimously decided to declare tomorrow as a company holiday! (paid, for those who are on contract, too!) So all my colleagues also have a day off, thanks to Mr. A! =)
Well, why we want to have a holiday is because Mr A.'s birthday is today! He's sooooo nice, told me not to buy anything (which theoretically... I didn't...) but he will be very happily surprised (I hope!) at what I have planned in store for him.
Which all details shall be revealed later... ... hyuks. I'm very excited! And I realise there are SO MANY NICE PEOPLE helping me. I think true love DOES conquer all.
We have been meeting up pretty often, unplanned... just happened that I caught a cold and he 'bu fang xin' so accompanied me home, then yesterday I was out doing my nails and we ate dinner and went home together too. Living nearby does help a lot, I wouldn't want to put him out or request his company so often if he were to live far away. But we are on the same MRT stop when it comes to the NorthSouth line and a few bus stops or streets away, so it's nice to have that level of nearness, knowing that if he leaves me at 1030 he can reach home before 11. And sleep at 11:15. Do guys always go to sleep at the same time (during weekdays?)
Tomorrow we will have a nice brunch either at Bishan Park's 'The Canopy" or at Dempsey BloodBros' Cafe which I love love love... .... and then traipse down to town to do a little shopping or explore Haji Lane.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
