stirred

Caption this.

"Not 5 loaves and 3 fishes... it's 3 pastors and a banana!"

--

"You have to give us a chance"

I was surfing TV channels this weekend when I felt touched watching Jamie's Kitchen Australia - Jamie's setting up a new restaurant in Melbourne which gives employable livelihood to underprivileged people.

A girl shared about how difficult her job-hunting was, that no one wanted to employ her because she doesn't speak well, because she doesn't look ladylike and she has quite a number of tattoos. She just stated how grateful she was to be given a chance to work, here. A staff on Jamie's kitchen, an old man, just started tearing and went into the storeroom, which Jamie also went into to comfort him. He was saying, "I'm just an old dog, you know... I'm the religious sort. And I've never done anything good. The poor girl! All she wants is a chance to work."

At this point of time I started tearing too. I felt strongly, both ways. I'm glad that I'm out of the 'fringe' - that I can fit into the mainstream well enough to be liked and respected and capable. But still I've always felt grateful for the people who have given me a chance - not just The Boss, but my first church leader who handpicked me to lead a cell of delinquents and social misfits, or so they're termed. Perhaps they understand society better than the rest of us, so they have decided to go against it, who knows?

And I've always wanted to do something good. I always want to do the humanitarian trip again and visit people who live on an income which is our monthly spend. Seeing the devastation in Aceh just makes me want to do more. But how do I do so when I am struggling here to keep up with the bills, the spending and the hectic dullness of everyday life? It's really tough for us here, too. In a way.

But somehow I hope all of us struggling with different issues will look and see that there's actually ways we can help others while needing help ourselves.

Some old photos... Haha.


spot jaena


spot frank... n shirley

handed

A sharing from lil meeee...book review!

I just feel compelled to share what God is speaking to me through 2 books written lately (2008). It's no coincidence that these two books fell 'in my hand' and I was urged to buy; or read it!

1. Moving On Moving Up in the marketplace, Apostle Naomi Dowdy 2008.

2.Give me the multitudes! Obeying God's call into the Media World, Apostle Lawrence Khong, 2008

The last weekend's Vision Rally message was something very powerful for me - The phrase "Use that (little thing) which God has put into your hand" - kept at me the whole weekend - I was reminded that I had responded to a call in XA camp to serve Him (2001? P Wilson's time)... God asked me to look at my hands, and He said, He will USE these hands to feed his sheep. To me, this is something significant as I am one of the 'fringe people', creative type, don't really suit the typical image of a church leader... it is harder for us to serve or even feel accepted in a mainstream church society because we always have problems fitting in! Until now, unfortunately! Haha. (Well, without us, your tenet course would not be free and the YA service still at 730. And no atm facilities to pay tithe. I bet those who still use cash are the mainstream crowd!!! Being outspoken sometimes helps.-)

I was reminded even before the weekend that I should do something for God in my job/marketplace.This year, I joined a new industry - moved out from land asset management to tech/media startup co. Was very stressed, still am very stressed, because of the steep learning curve - though I studied design, it was an entirely different scope - from not knowing anything about facing the PC (I don't even know how to use Outlook!) and videography, I was suppose to produce and direct small productions. I have discovered the worst stress is ... not knowing what to do! As I am in a startup, I have to make major decisions on a daily basis - even who to hire or fire. Of course, it beats being micro-managed, but at this age I think I prefer to learn from other older business persons than to have to bear these kind of decisions daily. NOT FUN.

P Dowdy's book is about reclaiming the 'mountains' in our workplace, identify which of the 7 you are in, and claim them! Immediately, the 'mountain of 'media' stood out. I remember my videographer Eileen Chong saying (to random people, but I was around) we/she had to reclaim the media industry for God, (some time back.) Because I am not directly involved in producing media, but rather, facilitating, I never felt the stirring in my heart to claim or state that I am in this industry... but again and again, there was the phrase ' what has God put into your hand (and what are you going to do about it) Also, I never really liked people who were all talk and no action - or who lacked a proactive or initiative to do WHAT WAS RIGHT...not my style!


In the book:

PG 27 "Every marketplace Christian and business person must begin to ask themselves: WHAT HAS GOD PUT INTO MY HAND?"
PG 47 "WHAT HAS GOD PUT IN YOUR HAND, and what have you done to bring increase to these resources?"

....

My mom's friend, one auntie in our block fr FCBC, lent the 2nd book to Mom who kept nagging me to read, somehow Mom knows best. She says long queue for the book so I better finish it soon...

When I opened the 2nd book, again;

PG xi "When God called Moses, He asked him, "WHAT DO U HAVE IN YOUR HAND?"
PG 11 "I remember the Lord saying to me like He did to Moses, "What is the staff or rod that you have in your hands? Use what I have put in your hands all these years."

I was stunned. It's no coincidence that 2 SG apostles wrote similar things in their latest book, and I believe this word is not only for me but for many people as well (that is why I am forsaking my sleep to type this, aye)

I feel sad that my generation has forgotten how to fast and pray. To really pray. When have we really prayed for something until it came to pass? And to take ownership of our cell or workplace or industry or family clan or...?

Sometimes we do not think we have enough in our hands... It's true, everyone is affected and have lost money or opportunity in some ways. There is the atmosphere of fear, paralysing fear.

But what's important is that in the midst of all these , we reclaim our 7 mountains, be it the mountains of family, church (people), education (school), media, arts/entertainment/sports, business, government. Give me this mountain!

I just wanted to share how the books I read recently touched me, along with the service. Prayer is like 100-plus... when you have not drank it for long, you forget about it... but when you are reminded about it, suddenly you long for that refreshing, thirst-quenching feel!

Then you wonder how could you have forgotten about it in the first place.




Always good to read books.
Especially those written by Apostles (who know better and can hear better!)

prayed

Getting my reading fix this week by indulging my transportation hours with Victor Hugo's Les Miserables.

Somehow, the classics I choose always seem to resonate with the kind of situation I am facing in my everyday life. The last, Jane Austen's Persuasion, the heroine met her true love at 19... sigh.

These books are found at MPH Raffles City for only $5.89... quite a steal.
All the characters in Les Miserables very poor thing one... makes me feel sort of gladdened that we live in this day and age where no one is destined to be so miserable. Still, we have our little troubles and fears.

Read this interesting piece which I shall reiterate here:

They pray.
To whom?
To God.
Pray to God, what is meant by that?
Is there an infinite outside of us? Is this infinite, one, inherent, permanent; necessarily substantial, because it is infinite, and because, if matter were wanting to it, it would in that respect be limited; necessarily intelligent, because it is infinite, and because, if it lacked intelligence, it would be to that extent, finite?

Does this infinite awaken in us the idea of essence, while we are able to attribute to ourselves the idea of existence only? In other words, is it not the absolute of which we are the relative?

At the same time, while there is an infinite outside of us, is there not an infinite within us? These two infinites (fearful plural!) do they not rest superposed on one another? Does not the second infinite underlie the first, so to speak? Is it not the mirror, the reflection, the echo of the first, an abyss concentric with another abyss? Is this second infinite, intelligent also? Does it think? Does it love? Does it will? If the two infinites be intelligent, each one of them has a will principle, and there is a 'me' in the infinite above, as there is a 'me' in the infinite below. The 'me' below is the soul, the 'me' above is God.

To place, by process of thought, the infinite below in contact with the infinite above, is called 'prayer'.

It goes on.
I shall finish 'book one' by this week and buy 'book two' next week!

imprisoned (the days)

Reminds me of a guy I used to like... From Z Sec Sch, one year older than me and always sits behind me in the morning bus from Bishan (53) Haha! Maybe he is!

Please leave me your pager number *jute jute*


Caught 'The Days' public premiere this evening. I must say that for a local film, directorial debut, I was VERY impressed! All the 'retro' stuff (movie is set in the 89-90s), they've got it down pat. Though it's not really my era yet, I was 'street smart' from a very young age and thus remember all those familiar memories that probably those in their late 20s till mid 30s remember! Like the tea dances, 'jute jute', scribbling your gang name on back seats of buses and beating people up, hey, those were the good old days!

Look out for scenes of those old childhood playground - the 'dragon' one not the 'bird' series...I wonder where they filmed it...old lifts that only went to the 1st, 3rd, 5th, and 7th floors, those days the lifts had whitish flower wallpaper which yellowed and the buttons always had chewing gum...REMEMBER? Remember the old MCDs and the MCDs cups which had small 'M's printed on them in varying shades of yellow and brown... and the pagers, the old 'telecom' sign printed on telephone booths which we would use to call the people who paged us... those awful clothes, bright yellow shirt with opened buttons, tucked into versace jeans and doc martens to kick people harder (steel toe boots protects feet)...and sneaking into the PE room to get your weapons of choice, those were the good old days! Now gangs are... not as 'brotherly' as before, this show is a really good quasi-documentary about what really happened in the past. I enjoyed every bit of it, perhaps because I can identify with some parts.


The two actors are also quite promising, though I would say the filming could be better if done in a sentimental korean style rather than the singaporean quasi-documentary style.

I hope this show gets more publicity and not be branded as an ah-beng show - but more of something that documents the lifestyle of the students who play truant and escape into gangs.

I wonder what became of my friends who joined these gangs? Now, these street gangs no longer exist in such intensities... I guess society as a whole is becoming more individualistic - the rise of personal sports (think golf, gaming) compared to the decline of group sports also shows that. - heck, except for church groups I hardly hang out in a group anymore. So... in a way, shows the societal changes as well. And what happened to the ah-lian way of highlighting hair in very obvious tigerish strips? Did it really die out or does it still happen in some obscure salons in sarawak? I love the glitter eyeshadow the ah-lian in the show wears...must go get some.


Like a really bad fashion memory...

Go watch!

www.thedaysmovie.com

cultured

L's wedding last year, this month. Time flies huh?

Love Is.

The conversations I have had recently about love, serves to deviate my mind away from the other irksome, worrisome matters at hand. (Although, I'm still aching for a talk with MrCheerful.)

Even our ministers are worried that people my age are not getting married and re-populating our small island nation. They should be, because population growth = housing growth = economy growth = more $ for everyone. But 'pushing' it is not the key. If we get married 'prematurely', more social ills will arise such as broken families, divorce, crime rates up, more gays, you can imagine. So boosting the economy of now would have severe destructive effects here years later. Apostle and I were debating about abortion. His stand is that every individual has a right to live. I read somewhere that most babies born to teenage, black mothers out of wedlock, do not do well - in fact, the rise in teenage pregnancies in this demographic leads to higher crime rates in those part of America, plus the babies that grow up are often incarcerated averagely about 3 times in their lifetime. (Read it in some social trend book.) So, to me, it seems like their destinties have been set from an early age.

If you were the parent, would you want to give birth in such a manner, knowing the statistics?

Then again, as Apostle mentioned, giving birth to them did not cause the social ills. Rather, there are many factors to look into, such as the broken family cycle, being impoverished and the social environment they were brought up in, etc. So I guess, everyone does have a right to life, although at times it is often unfair.

I have a lady friend, same age as me who is married. Because her Malaysian husband had some health concerns, she now has to scrimp and save. I wonder why her life has to be so hard, from the beginning. It seems like their marriage has to go through one trial after another. At the end of all this, I suppose her character will be stronger than the rest, but I'd rather not be in that position all the same. She wants to have babies too - she's the nurturing type, that's why she is married at a young age, but having them now would only cause her to have more tension and stress. I asked her how she managed to scrimp and save, she said she buys those $2 makeup products from Daiso. Recently, I bought the slightly lower-end foundation from Sasa... which is about 1/3 the price of my usual brands. Was so scared to buy it, as I am rather sensitive to some ingredients... you can imagine my apprehension... I tested them again and again on my hands and walked around the shop wondering if I'd buy and, too scared to use, it becomes a waste of money, so I should just buy the brands I'm used to, etc etc... ... I asked her if the $2 blusher was good, she just shrugged and replied that it was cheap, it will have to do. I rather admire her being able to do that for her husband, to me, that is a wordless act of love. By sacrificing your 'face', or even your beloved brands or some things you are used to having, like familiar comforts, to forsake them for an entirely new environment.

Love is a choice.

When you love someone, someone not meant to, someone of same gender perhaps; or a married party, or someone you know you shouldn't, you have a choice. You can choose to engage with the person, or to quell your feelings. It hurts the way unrequited love hurts - it becomes a small crack in your heart.

The people of my culture in ancient days believed in matchmaking. A photo seals your destiny. For me, it's a song...

The Li Ethnic Group: The Li people who live on Hainan Island are monogamous. When a daughter reaches 16, her parents will build near their house a small cottage called "Nong Gui" where their daughter can live and court her lover. In the evening, boys will come to the cottage of the lover of their hearts. Outside the cottage, the boy plays the mouth string organ and the nose flute and sings love songs. If the girl is interested and decides to accept him, she will reply to his songs and then let the boy come in. If the boy sings three songs and still gets no reply from the girl, that means he is not in her type and he has to leave. This special courting way is called by the Li people "village tour".

Haha...one day I'm going back to visit my ancestors. I heard there's 1.11 million of them there. Ancestors are wise, always good to let the girl choose the guy instead of the other way round. *claps*

(...Maybe that's why I like people to sing to me. Innate response!)


In Western cultures, the one which we are most familiar with, we choose our partner for love. Most of us don't understand how someone can marry someone they do not love, just based on a photo, or on a song. But often these marriages are not long-lasting compared to the more traditonal ones. Those who have the faith, perhaps we should seek God as our matchmaker.

I did. Because in 5 or 10 years' down the road, when tough times and storms come, I don't want a pretty face beside me or just someone who says he loves me, I need someone who has a character to love me, wordlessly.

Love songs also welcomed, though.

ways to kill The Boss

Overhead Clone's husband saying, "Rest In Pieces." Hilarious!

Sorry, Boss. You must die.
(I'm really not serious...really!)

1. Poison his coffee.

2. Give him mooncakes laced with cyanide.

3. Dust his Sony VAIO laptop's most used buttons like 'enter', with anthrax.

4. Poison his second cup of coffee.

5. Get someone to randomly shoot bullets through the nearest window.

6. Have his Blackberry shoot out laser death rays.

7. Invite him to participate in a suicide pact.

8. Glue his nostrils together so that he can't breathe and suffocates to death.

9. Lock him in the office, take all his clothes, and blast the aircon so he freezes to death.

10. Wax all his hairs off till he collapses in agony.

settled

It's been said that each time you want to say something really important, you will be at a loss for words, or how to express yourself in a way that does not seem imbecilic or just mundane.

This week has been one of the most stressful weeks ever. Work is indescribable. I doubt anyone can really understand, then again I also don't want to talk about it. One of the ways I expel stress is to have a good cry and then I can sleep peacefully, and not have a furrowed brow and sad eyes. It's strange because I never cried when I broke up with my ex-es or even when my cat, maomao had to be put to sleep. I guess the tears flow, then, when I am frustrated and not when I am truly sad. Weird robot me.

I'm just scared that I cannot handle the stress. In perspective, what I'm facing should dissipate in about 2 months or so, and it's nothing much really compared to those families who have to scrimp and save to pay their electricity bills, or whose partner has been sent to prison... I'm not under THAT KIND of tremendous stress. I realize that at every age, people are stressed in certain ways - so if you say a 14 year old can't be stressed enough to maim themselves, hey, even primary school kids are stressed, although in different levels. I would say that I've led a charmed life of sorts, God has answered my every prayer, I've been blessed beyond belief - but I was depressive last year, and I am afraid, what if the crying never stops? Already, am starting to feel teary for 'no reason', or for reasons I cannot talk about, the whole situation being so complicated. Being scared AND not knowing WHAT TO DO is probably the worse feeling in the world.

Still, I remain hopeful that the situation will pass, although not so hopeful about my emotional prognosis.

To those in 'the know', I met TBO today (friday evening). You know they say all the stressors come at once, it's true, that.

Told TBO about the TBO story, not sure if he 'gets' it but... with the mood I am in right now, I don't really care either way. I'm just glad to finally, get it off my chest, I guess. We'll just have to take it one step at a time. He asked me, who am I close to in church, nowadays, and I said, no one, I'm only close to you, and he actually blushed! It's a rare thing for me to see guys blush at the things I say to them. I'm glad to have met him, and I realize that although he is quiet and unexpressive, I like the familiar feeling that we have, like buying toothbrushes together, and sharing food which we always do - he always gives me the bigger piece. He's sweet in his own small ways - we were sharing a pizza slice and he offered me the bigger one, but I refused to take it, then, seeing my slice had no pineapple (hawaiian one), he took one of his pineapple pieces and put it on mine... I don't care about such things being the unfeeling cad I am, I mean, after it goes in who cares whether there was a pineapple on it, or not; but these small things is what matters in the long run, more than looks, more than being 'manly', more than having a geeky dress sense. Perhaps it's because of my horrid week that just that little bit of kindness and care, touches me, that little sensitivity is more than I can bear.

Thing is, will I still remember it tomorrow? Or next week? Or next month?
I'm frivolous that way. One thing about my work is that I have to make important decisions constantly, oh the stress.

Because I've always felt that some important decisions are best left to The One who knows best.

loved/songs

Been stressed lately, I guess my stresses is nothing compared to those whose homes are in foreclosure or still rebuilding their ravaged lives from the hurricanes and typhoons. But still, I'm trying to remain cheerful and face up to things bravely. Things I wish people could understand, both in work and beyond. Things I wish I could talk about but like a guy/robot, I just clam up and don't seem to be able to talk to anyone about it. How can I look so brave and confident when inside, I'm crumbling; I feel like just sitting down and having a good cry.

I know handling such stressors at my age makes me a stronger person and etc; and compared to those who went through persecution for their faith, or had their parents break up or bankrupt ...that is much, much more stressful. I think at every age, there are different stressors and concerns. Sigh! Need to talk, but can't find the words to say anything. And most probably the troubles will blow over, sooner than expected, but right now I just need a shoulder to cry on.

If not, I can listen to my cassette tape of love songs on a rainy night to keep me safe tonight.

loved/robot

Any robot wanna sit beside meee?

Watched Wall.E with a domineering guy who pre-booked me wayy in advance. That's right, my kid brother who inherited some bossy genes even deciding where to watch and wanting to pay (Of course I didn't let him!)

I would say the show's not as good as Ratatouille but the sub-plots are pretty good - about conserving the environment and, robotic love... I felt that a touching part was when they were 'dancing' together... and when he could still remember her after having his destroyed chip replaced. Made me sort of lovesick, I'm scared that I won't settle down, I want to, though.

Just find someone I can see myself coming home to everyday, with the kindly look in his eyes lets you know "I'm cominggggg home, to the place where I belongggg..." Knowing that you will be snugfully sayanged everyday and sung to sleep is something definitely worth looking forward to, ain't it?

Plus, robots live forever. And so will their love.