photo talk

Mom's into cooking gourmet food recently. I am so thrilled to come back home for dinner now! My family's into organic cooking so mostly, the food can be rather bland...and rather meatless. Which also explains why I eat a lot of fast food outside. (Hee... MOS Burger just opened at China St!)

This was one dinner last week - Spaghetti in cream sauce with portobello mushroom and broccoli, with cod.
Last Friday's breakfast - pita bread pan-grilled with egg and cheese, with veal sausage, rocket lettuce, alfalfa, peppers and other salads. Best, Mom informed me that one sausage costs $5 on average - I nearly choked on it. That is only for the small part of the dish? It's organic and hand-made sausage... which can be found at AMK Hub NTUC...tastes quite nice though.
Some Korean strawberries, Thomson grapes, milo, tumeric fried rice - I wouldn't call this a typical Chinese Singaporean breakfast on Sunday... I think the rice is cooked in Thai style?

Thanks to the Asian Food Network, Mom has been constantly tuning in to Gordon Ramsay, Jamie's Kitchen, Chef at Home and others. Hee...thanks to that, I get my tastebuds whetted with food - also can save money, so I rarely eat out for dinnertime now.

Dinner on Monday.

Organic spaghetti (explains the greenish tone), aglio olio; with salmon. Heh! Who wants to marry me!!! Gourmet cooking runs in my genes ok!

Me, am quickly being expert at baking stuffs. My last attempt was cheesecake...which tastes better than it looks, it looked like a cheese lump. But I am satisfied with the taste, and it's not that time-consuming to make.

The best review of the cheese lump came from my bro, who said 'it was the best cheesecake he ever tasted' , awww! Pianist also said that it tastes better than any of the commercially-made cheesecakes out there. 

Baking is an expensive hobby though - I am happy with my new whisk from Sia Huat. Next time my husband gotta buy me Kitchenaid, hee hee hee... then he will be fattened up from my experimentations.

Next up, orange ice-cream with raspberry mascarpone thingy which I haven't decided to make into a tart or a cake. Inspired by the books I reviewed from Harris, well well... cooking books are expensive too. (Like $70 bucks ?!) I need to wait for next paycheck, hee hee. 

Mom also likes Adam Lambert and was blown away by his performance last night... She couldn't stop talking about him. He looks like a cross between Elvis Presley with the soulful blue eyes, and he has Leonardo DiCaprio's mischevious, lovable smile. Adam Lambert! Hope he wins.

=

Just spent the last two hours cleaning up the clutter on my Office's table and redecorating my wall. Got a new phone (low-res though, only 2 m.pixels) so documented it. Here,

My wall - at around 4 pm. Heehee. My collection of postcards are nicely hooked on the left hand side. The sakura on the wall is customizable IKEA stickers.

After: my wall panel is now decorated with pages of a fashion catalog I got from Style:Nordic (walking distance) - well, hope it inspires me to dress well. I have lots of clothes but when I'm in a slackerish mode, tend to dress dowdily. 
Ironman decides to guard my MacBook's wire...

I bought this green round rug from IKEA - it wasn't expensive. I like to work/walk around the office barefooted, feels more relaxed this way. And the wood floor is nice to walk on, also. I put a cardboard box on the floor to hold my bag. And there's another chair facing me for guests - if not, it just acts as a coat and scarf hanger...
My phone, plant, hello kitty which is a coinbank, and miniature dustbin which is used to store pens. Heh... a welcome sight at the end of the day when the laptop is closed!
Mom's plant at my other window. I love my windows - they're black and shophouse-kind; rectangularish, with gold knobs. I've always wanted to live in a shophouse when I was younger and more idealistic. Now, I think it's great if I could move in with my in-laws and don't buy a property until I could afford a condo, perhaps when me and my husband are both in our early 30s, hee hee hee...

 
My usb ports (green desk thingy also from IKEA, not that I like green, it was just a better alternative.) I actually need more ports - this is the bare minimum I function with... 
And I have the best view - this is my respite from work - I can see many angmoh tourists everyday visiting this temple, now repainting... and walking through Pagoda Street - a famous tourist spot in Singapore, to the train, I couldn't be happier.

about the good of not knowing

Random picture. But the story behind the author is interesting...like how she never fell in or out of love and yet could write such a story - she was just out of school, I think, when she wrote that.

Which goes to show that life experiences aren't all that, after all?

I wrote last week in 'shared narratives' on how I would be totally freaked out if I met Mr A, most unexpectedly, for instance, while at the market in drab homewear and uncombed hair.

Well...

Following some unheard of cosmic law, the unexpected always happens right? And last week, whom should I purview, sitting at the next table, having dinner, in one of Singapore's oldest residential estates?

If what I write always comes true like that (although, I was quite nicely dressed)...what should I write about?

Ms Cheerful asked me today,

'Remember that day you were telling me about the coincidences you had with Mr A? What did you think of them... I've always thought that there are no coincidences, that it is always God at work... ...'

A small part of me echoes that, too. Yes! Orchestrated by God, how wonderful...then , isn't it common that we would want to believe it to be true?

*small sigh*

I now know that there is a good point to the uncertainty of things, 'the good of not knowing'. Imagine then, how vastly different my life would have turned out if I had made some choices (that to tell the truth, were not difficult to make.)

If I hadn't attended that event (and kenna sabotaged to be onstage.)

If my boss hadn't left (and I needed a shoulder to cry on.)

If Mr A did not appear in a singular photo with me in that whole event.

If I had not tagged him.

If he did not private message me.

If I did not reply.

If he was not mistakenly thinking that I had added him into my Tag team because I cc'ed him...

Then we would not pray for each other...and share...and, hee hee hee...

Anyways, here's something I read today:

The Good of Not Knowing (by John Ortberg, my fave author, in 'God is Closer than you think')

George MacDonald wrote a book about a pastor named Thomas Wingfold, who is troubled by doubt and his inability to KNOW God is present. He decides to make his life an experiment in seeking simply to follow Jesus in spite of his doubts. At one point he is caring for a dying man who has come to faith through his influence. "I wish I could come back after I die," the man tells Wingfold, "so you could be delivered from doubts and know FOR SURE about the faith."

Then Wingfold says the words that have stayed with me ever since.

"No - even if you could, I wouldn't want you to. I would not see him one moment before he thought best. I'd rather have THE GOOD OF NOT KNOWING"

...It has never occurred to me before that there might be a reason for uncertainty - a good of not knowing. I thought of that line again years later when my daughter came into my room. She had applied to college and was desperate to find out if she had gotten in to her top choice.

It struck me, as we talked, that the 'uncertainty period' was a unique opportunity for growth. If she were able to live with confidence and joy even when she did not yet know if she'd get what she hoped for, a kind of strength would be formed in her soul that would never get formed there if she found out the answer right away.

There is a good of not knowing.

=) And with that, I lay my thoughts at peace.

sunnydale, light and mimosa cells for HOPE

5 love songs for the band

It's Ms E's wedding in May and here are my live band song selections!

Enjoy, if you are in the mood for love... ...

1. Loving You (duet, Leona Lewis version)

2. Only You (Platters version)

3. L-O-V-E (Nat King Cole)

4. Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Aselin Debison version)

and my current favorite, 

5. My Heart Belongs to You (Hayley Westenra)

Will someone sing this at my wedding? Hee...

*Worship song "Counting on God/Desperation Band" is found on www.sunnydalecell.blogspot.com

Loving You by Leona Lewis (duet)

Loving you
Is easy cause you're beautiful
Being here with you
Is all I want to do
Loving you
Is more than just a dream come true
And everything that I do
Is out of loving you

Loving you
Is easy cause you're beautiful
Spending time with you
Is all I wanna do

La, la, la, la, la [x3]
La, la, la, la, la, la
Do, do, do, dooo
Ohhhhhh

No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old
And we will live each day in the spring time

Cause loving you
Has made my life so beautiful
And every day of my life
Is filled with loving you
Loving you
I see your soul come shining through
And every time that we ooh
I'm more in love with you

La, la, la, la, la [x3]
La, la, la, la, la, la
Do, do, do, dooo
Ohhhhhh

No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old
And we will live each day in the spring time

Loving you
Is easy cause you're beautiful
And every day of my life
Is filled with loving you
Loving you
I see your soul come shining through
And every time that we ooh
I'm more in love with you

La, la, la, la, la [x3]
La, la, la, la, la, la
Do, do, do, dooo
Ahhhhhh

Only You - Platters

Only you
Can make all this world seem right,
Only you
Can make the darkness bright,
Only you, and you alone
Can feel me like you do
And fill my heart with love for only you.

Only you
Can make all this change in me,
For it's true
You are my destiny.
When you hold my hand, I understand
The magic that you do,
You're my dream come true,
My one and only you.

Only you
Can make all this change in me,
For it's true
You are my destiny.
When you hold my hand, I understand
The magic that you do,
You're my dream come true,
My one and only you.

NAT KING COLE L-O-V-E

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you

(trumpet instrumental)

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you

Aselin Debison - over the rainbow/what a wonderful

Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dreams that you dream of
once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dream of,
dreams really do come true
Someday I’ll wish upon a star, wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops,
that’s where you’ll find me
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dare to, oh why, oh why can’t I?
Well I see trees of green and red roses too,
I’ll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

Well I see skies of blue and clouds of white
and the brightness of day
I like the dark
and I think to myself, what a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands saying,
How do you do?
They’re really saying, I – I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
they’ll learn much more than we’ll know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

Someday I’ll wish upon a star, wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops,
that’s where you’ll find me
Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dreams that you dare to, oh why, oh why can’t I?

My Heart Belongs To You by Hayley Westenra

Through the window of my soul
All the secrets that I hold
Will be yours to share for always, always

Like a whisper in the wind
A gentle breeze touches my skin

And I know you’re with me always, always
I can feel it in the air
The fire that we share
Can only come from deep within
It’s a light that burns so bright
It guides you through the night
And leads you to me
So find your way back and

Hold me, touch me
Let the love come rushing through me
I’m yours with every breath I take
Forever and ever
Hold on to love
Cause deep down that’s what we’re made of
Never let go for my heart’s sake
Cause my heart belongs to you

I lie awake to hear you breathe
Only you can fill the need
That builds and burns so deep inside me, inside me

As the moon lights up the sky
There’s a thousand reasons why
That my heart will only beat for you

You’re the reason that I live
So now all I’ve got to give
I give it to you
Just don’t fight the feeling

Hold me, touch me
Let the love come rushing through me
I’m yours with every breathe I take
Forever and ever
Hold on to love
Cause deep down that’s what we’re made of
Never let go for my heart’s sake
Cause my heart belongs to you

Don’t give up but just give in
I will always be here waiting for you
Love will see us through

Hold me, touch me
Let the love come rushing through me
I’m yours with every breathe I take
Forever and ever
Hold on to love
Cause deep down that’s what we’re made of
Never let go for my heart’s sake
Cause my heart belongs to you
My heart belongs to you
My heart belongs to you
My heart belongs to you
My heart belongs to you…only you

going to the movies

There's a thingy going on where you can catch Singapore films at Cathay Cineleisure. Sad to say, I've never really caught many Singaporean films. In fact, I was a hollywood-kinda girl all throughout my teens, being entertained with teen horror flicks most of the time. Remember the Final Destinations and the Urban Legends... ...I also caught most of John Grisham's books that were turned into movies. The best of that genre was 'What Lies Beneath' which was the only one which scared me from beginning to end.

Later on, probably due to the much-improved subtitling for chinese shows, I found gems in HongKong productions like 'Golden Chicken', and slapstick styled shows like...the mahjong ones and Stephen Chow, of course. There was also a craze in time where Thai shows were all the rage and through watching their shows we could catch a bit of their life and times. Thai shows usually had a bit of horror, with human drama interspersed in them. Thai movies are quite deep that way - at first it seems to be just about the scary feeling, but later you realise... the overarching theme is about family love, or friendship, or some issue.

I also caught many Japanese and some Korean movies - those days, all the Japanese ones were post- 'The Ring' so those that made it to our shows were horror genre types - and Korean shows ultimately involved cyborgs or bio-terrorism warfare. French films were always interesting - my favorite of all time are those by director Jean Pierre Jeunet ('The City of Lost Children', wow!) - unfortunately, no one seems to want to take the risk of showing foreign films here - cannot even get the DVD.

One of the...only...Singaporean film I caught (not counting Jack Neo's shows and the recent 'Wedding Game' Oh wait, I watched Royston Tan's one too)...was 'Leap Years' - Captain Zero dragged me to it! I was reluctant at first, because... I think I am the only one in the nation who has... read the book. Honestly, have you heard of the book before watching the show? But yes - although not really a fan of Catherine Lim, once I've found a good author, I NEED to read the rest of his/her stuff. The book was unexpectedly bad... but the movie, unexpectedly good!

I've read 90% of Agatha Christie books - or at least what is available here... most of John Grisham's and Amy Tan's. Jostein Gaarder's good too. Loved 'Sophie's World' but hated 'Vita Brevis'.

My current obsessions are Nicholas Sparks'; am swiftly building up my collection... and my favorite christian authors so far, John Ortberg and Eldredge. (Both Alkitab and Pianist had good reviews after reading their birthday presents which were Eldredge books! Am so happy to 'convert' them too haha!)

Christopher Paolini's 'Brisingr' was so good (I actually bought it because I read about him being homeschooled in 'microtrends' AND the cover was so nice, I like dragons) that I borrowed 'Eragon' and 'Eldest' from Dree. (And I've also finished reading 'Confessions of a Shopaholic' and 'Slumdog Millionaire' this, and last week. Haha.) I'm wacky like that. Now that there are so many books turned into movies and suddenly available at your nearest bookstore, I'm tempted to start a collection. Heh. Bookshelf + DVD shelf?

Back to Singapore films, I guess it's quite sad when you're a renowned filmmaker like Eric Khoo...he is always being interviewed on news and stuff... but no one has watched your films. Well, some people have... but, not many for sure...

Suddenly I am reminded of how blessed I am, without realizing - all my productions will be on a platform which will have... more than 6 million viewers in a year. (If everything goes smoothly!)

Sure, maybe most of them are doctors talking about boring stuff. And no one will know I produced 90% of the content (Although I appear as calefare in most of them, sigh.)

But I don't need them to know my name. I'm also blessed that my audience is not so critical since most of them are 'killing time' watching the screen, waiting for their patient queue number to be called.

So perhaps, in a way I'm so much more blessed than the other filmmakers out there! I was overwhelmed just thinking about that, today. 6 million viewers! Wow!

And that... I should also make an effort to catch more Singapore films.

of love, and other matters

I did always like fast food... and the combi of red+yellow...this is probably where it all started...

Somehow, coffee tastes different when you are drinking it from a traditional ceramic cup (the kind that is off-white with dark green floral prints), poured from a good old well-loved and well-used aluminium thermos flask.

The coffee at the fish farm I'm currently filming (wraps up tomorrow!) tastes great; and for me, a first - I have never drunk coffee without milk - that is... 'kopi-o'.

Spending time at these obscure places which you know is not going to be around for long makes you really appreciate the atmosphere and soak up the place, before you leave it - or before it is gone, forever.

And when 'nothing is happening' - what is your response?

For me... I'm quite a go-getter. I like to take initiative, and perhaps, my thinking is, if it's really worth it, worth thinking about, worth fighting for, then go for it. I've been thinking about my feelings for quite some time now - and there is someone *drum roll, please* yes, you've guessed it - who has captured my heart. Although he hasn't a clue, really.

Being sickly (how is it when I am sickly my brain seems more alert?) has allowed me time to read and I particularly like what Elisabeth Elliot wrote in 'Let me be a Woman':

(disclaimer: I've not fallen in love... ...no. I just like what she wrote!)

'You have fallen in love. You've had the experience nearly everyone dreams of, that the poets have written about, that happens to some "at first sight", to others slowly, and to you, I think, after a very short acquaintance. I remember the first time it happened to me. I realized it had happened when I looked in the mirror, for I saw a different person there.

"You love him", I said to the face, and the face answered yes. You look at his face and everything in you says yes. You know, beyond any doubting, that this is the man you could gladly give yourself to. Your heart sings, the whole world sings, the look of things is transformed.

But that is not love of which I want to speak now. The kind of love that makes a marriage work is far more than feelings. Feelings are the least dependable things in the world. To build a marriage on that would to build a house on sand. When you promise, in the wedding ceremony, to love, you are not promising how you expect to feel. You are promising a course of action which begins on your wedding day and goes on as long as you both live.

Your feelings cannot help but be affected by riches and poverty, health and sickness, and all the other circumstances which make up a lifetime. Your feelings will come and go, rise and fall, but you make no vows about them. When you find yourself, like the unstable man in the Epistle of James, 'driven with wind and tossed', it is a great thing then to know that you have an anchor. You have made a promise before God to love. You promise to love, comfort, honor, and keep this man. You vow to take him as your wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish 'according to God's holy ordinace', till death parts you."

I'm submitting my feelings to the Lord every week. It's hard. Trust me, when a woman likes to day dream and flutter around thinking of happy scenarios and looking forward to future anticipations... it's hard to just let go of what 'might be...could be' and let God hold your hand as He leads you in His Destiny for you... sounds good, but it's damn hard.

Still, I will submit, not because I cannot think of anything better to do, not because it's the right thing to do, but because... I think I truly care for this person. And more than anything if it's not meant to be, I want to see him, happy... truly happy.

shared narratives

The Gang went to Ah Chew's desserts last night and we had a VERY interesting talk.

It was mostly about eyebrows...and eyelashes. The guys at the table were fascinated by the fact that some of us woman have embroidered eyebrows, some shave, and we also...pluck them when they are overgrown. Well...they are also amazed that eyelashes can be permed (mine!) and eyebrows can be shaved. And fake eyelashes are glued onto the lash line... it was quite a steep learning curve for them last night.

I actually have blond fake eyelashes must go try to glue them on one day...

So we went on to talk about ...relationships. With all (gasp!) at the table being single, at various stages of life - the youngest just celebrated his 21st birthday and the rest of us oldies... the topic inevitably went to the nitty-gritty between guys and girls. I asked them, 'where is your first girlfriend/boyfriend now?' and some were married, some were overseas. Mine...he is still not married I think - afterall he is not that old - but I'm glad that we still kept in touch, albeit not vis-a-vis, but through 'social networking online devices'.

They asked me if I could 'accept an Ang-moh' - and I was floored. It's true that sometimes I'm not really like an Asian, traditional, portrait of a Singaporean, Chinese woman... partly due to my upbringing and scholastic experiences. It's also true that I am very idealistic when it comes to falling in love - so I won't necessarily rule out a charming Englishman sweeping me off my feet, someone preferably with blue eye ala Hugh Grant.

Especially after watching 'Music and Lyrics', who can rule out Hugh?
Although Dr House may be more of my type of ang-moh.

But deep down inside, I think for myself, like the rest, we really need shared narratives. It's nice to imagine a handsome Englishman, or Canadian...(no Americans please) or better still, Swedish!!! hunk coming, falling head over heels... and staying... but at the end of the day we all need someone...closer to our hearts I think. I don't think I want to explain my whole life to him...

He(at Chomp-chomp): "Hej, Sweetheart, vad es de carrot-cake? Es it a cake with carrots? Vy queue is 45 minutes?"

Me: *soft sigh* "Aiya darling! It is filled with a sort of turnip which is called 'white carrot' in Mandarin therefore translating it into the English signboard it says carrot-cake which it has been known as for many years. The white version is chunkier and eggier whereas the 'black' version is drizzled with sweet black sauce; smaller chunks, and sometimes they add 'chai poh' to it -which is savoury preserved vegetables often found on 'chwee kweh'."

He: "Vah! Sweetheart, thanks for explaining it to me. I love you muaks muaks muaks"

Me: "Okay, can go queue for it already anot?"

One angmoh whom I know, who lived in Singapore for like 12 years, actually thought that carrot cake had real carrots in it till I explained it to him in this manner (without the dramatization). He never tried it during those 12 years, because of his misconception. What a waste... ...

...

But you get the picture. Although I've always lived in a city... there is a small part of me that loves the non-city... too. I don't think I'd be able to stand a guy who is like 'Wah, this place no-aircon ah?'... or who wants to spend every date with me going to shopping malls, watching movies. I do like watching movies more than the average girl (movie buff me) but... not so much of sidestepping crowds. My no-shopping malls weekends is actually going quite well, I feel less frazzled completely avoiding stepping into a (singapore) mall for...many weekends now.

I like long car rides and venturing into beautiful and obscure places in Singapore... like Dempsey Road in the afternoons... Punggol Marina at the dead of night... Seletar West Farmway, now one of my fave places too. I like places where you can't hear the traffic and you can actually hear birds chirping. Places where you can go to see stars and talk quietly about life. Places where you can hear waves swishing. Eating prata at JK at 4 am. Missing the retro cake shops at AMK where the peanut bread is chockfull with peanuts...

He doesn't have to like all these things, but it's nice to have someone who...understands. I guess being of - around - the same age is important, too. I always thought that I'd go for guys who are somewhat older than me. Like about 4 years... 6 years. 10 years or 15, also can. That would be nice. I like to be treated as a trophy wife.

Nah, just kidding. But I don't really envision myself with younger guys. Then again, I always like to say that 'love has no bounds'...

It was only towards the end of last year that I became more 'open' towards guys who are same age - or one year older - and I prayed to God about this.

If he lives in the same... vicinity as me, he would have experienced the MRT line being opened - I was...6? and we took the MRT from AMK to City Hall, wow, so fantastic... the MRT later opened at Woodlands onwards... I believe. It was so exciting to take the MRT in the first week! And I believe there were people who just took it so that they can have the bragging power to tell people they took it... yes those were the days.

That's why I'm happy that Mr A lives..near enough. Actually, so near that I am still in shock. What if he has seen me going to the market with uncombed hair and specs and no underwear?

(Then again, I guess he dun go to the market.)

I'm really happy about that (he lives near me! he lives near me!) after mistakenly thinking he lives in the ulu western part of Singapore where people have to drink newwater everyday... hee

Sometimes, I feel like this is all a crush and I'm hopefully waiting for it to disipate. After all, there are so many... ... uncertainties. I'm sure he likes someone else although he refuses to admit it. And I haven't actually talked to him vis-a-vis. I definitely don't want to scare him off by giggling non-stop if he ventures to talk to me.

But also, I feel... like what Ms Cheerful shared.

Ms Cheerful has also met a guy like Mr A and she is... in the same dire straits as me.

She said that:

"Although I sometimes do think that if I wanted to marry a guy, he might be it..I think?Sometimes I find it is hard to decipher if its a crush or if there is really something."

Hee. Although many well-meaning friends have urged me to 'find out more'... I am happy at the small facts...like, if there were not a 'series of unfortunate events' happening, we would have probably walked past each other each week and not known about the other's existence.

I just wonder... ...how it's all going to turn out?

One of my favorite dogs...

Hee hee. I like this dog! It's wagging its tail at meee.

Was pleasantly surprised to see it because just yesterday, while walking to obscure Teochew porridge place for dinner with Huntley, I saw a dog like this...and I called out to it but it ignored me. 

So today at Seletar (I seem to be filming the area a lot), there was this dog!

The staff at the farm was quite surprised it did not bark at me, claiming that it barks at all newcomers... perhaps, I smell like rabbit that's why?!

I want a chow-chow. This kind of dog is one of my favorite dog, the other being whippet - a deer-like dog with long, spindly legs. Hee... Here it is posing for me:

I wore my Onitsukas to HortPark - another pre-production meeting. It's really nice to visit all these places to do pre-production meetings, but it does get tiring. Still, with the nice environs, it's easy to forget that you are working and just spend a leisurely day learning about different things. I love this part the best. Next week, I'd be doing Peranakan research, filming a rock-climbing place, and hopefully the fishfarm at Seletar. It's all going to be gone by end of this year, so sad... like the place I went to today, a plant nursery - they are going to build a wafer factory on that land. 

It just seems a waste that the government does not preserve the rustic simplicity of Seletar farmways and make it into bangladeshi dorms'; and now JTC factories.

So, going to these places, I feel blessed that I am given a chance to see all these before it is gone. 

And I am not a dog person. 

But I like this chow-chow!

i like, i like, i like!

I've managed to catch American Idol yesterday and my favorite is...

Adam Lambert.

If not for the funky hair...

Then definitely for the piercing blue eyes.

In fact, his hair is so inspiring that I'm considering it for my next hairstyle.

Whoo hoo! Just joking. I'm not going to cut my hair that short.

But undoubtedly one of the best hairstyles on American Idol so far.

My loyalty is still with Cook. He is Ches' fave, too.

His voice (Cooks', not Ches; although Ches' one is like listening to a male angel too, its fabulous) just makes me wanna... listen to him go on forever. I think besides having a good body, a good voice is definitely something that tops my list. No wonder...I suddenly realize that all my close ones who are male tend to have really... ....soothing voices. Even if they are not of a soothing nature, listening to them talk calms me down (or sometimes even puts me to sleep).

After buying my new handphone this month, I stumbled across a new gadget (not even in Singapore yet, it's currently sitting a ship sailing here soon...) which is... drool drool drool ...

I'm not into tech stuff but this one really gets under my skin.

Next week (when the ship lands in SG) say hello to:

No, this is not a thumb drive.

This is the new ishuffle!

Why I like it... firstly the ultra cool thing... is that... yes, it has NO buttons.

No buttons le!

Buttons are only good on men's shirts and unbuttoning them is... *ahem* has many un-PG thoughts here... ...Oh, ho I have a wicked sense of humor. But no buttons!!!! No buttons!!! (I can go on about this forever.) How amazing!

Secondly... I like my gadgets small and nifty.

It also comes in my two favorite colors for gadgets. Aluminium and Black. (I also like White and Gunmetal)

By the way...my macbook (which my dear boss bought for me as a 'thank you for joining the company' present) is in Aluminium. Current ishuffle is purple and got it free with my fund I bought (Thanks, Prudential!) which is losing money, expectedly... ... but I also expect it to pay off my children's diapers, and some beauty treatments when I get older ok... if not what is it called 'an investment' for? Might as well be called a divestment. (Ok, I actually don't really know what that means, only that it is the opposite of investment. Ho.)

Nice.

It is just calling me to buy it. With it's no-buttons look and all. Did I mention, it can also TALK to you? Really. It has 'VoiceOver, a new technology that tells you what song is playing and who is performing it...' I'm amazed.

I have been into shopping lately... ... after reading 'confessions of a shopaholic', I think I can identify with certain aspects of her character... really like this quote from somewhere,

'I like to put my money where I can see it. In my wardrobe.'

LOL. I'm finally beginning to enjoy shopping as a leisure pursuit. Seems like I'm getting more in touch with my feminine side. Singapore is one big shopping mall... if only it was that little bit more interesting though? Shopping does give me a little thrill of firstly, spending my easy-earned money and secondly, owning something that I like - and I don't like things easily, but I like nice things, and I happen to spot many nice nice nice things lately that makes me go 'whoo!'

Ok. A comic to end the day with. This cartoonist seems to have the same sense of humor as me.

when you like him too much, it's hard not to act like an idiot

Me, and my cell dudes. Can you believe they are 20!

Continuing on about the changes in my life, I guess many people have good reasons to make changes this year. The newspaper is talking about how, we can take a breather this year and do what we have missed out on in our daily hectic work schedules. Like new, inexpensive hobbies... We can now afford to fly to places which was beyond our means, now.

I'm going to land of Oz in May, and I bought plane tickets to KL for transit... at $1. $1!!!

$1!!!

Including the tax and all, return tickets to KL is less than S$70. I paid for the Oz tickets in RM, it's S$441 for the return tickets. *cheep cheep*

It's my first time flying up to KL and I'm excited!

Also, Palmer, my trustworthy Treo companion of 3+ years has finally decided to give up living, so I got a new phone after so long, and spent some time transferring contacts from Palmer to the SIMcard... I realised that there are so many names in my phone book whom I don't really remember who they are - and I don't really want to keep them around, like old baggages.

I told Mr A that my MrBestFriend, is 'no longer around' - which sounds morbid (Mr A thought he was six feet under), but what I meant was that 'he was no longer around, for me.' After the year we spent, it seems that my social life is horribly emptied of someone who supports you 'in every endeavor'; no matter how cliche it may sound. Of course, I'd always have Kie - and he'd always have me too (in his wallet... and around our prata haunt anytime!!!) but it's just different; to have someone who understands you in a way that you want to share more of your life with them, and hold on, and become stronger, and braver in the process of sharing your all-too human thoughts with them. We are living in the grace of God, but sometimes we walk out of it a little. And it's those times that I need someone to chide me, someone to tell me to continue on for the best.

So although MrBestFriend no longer has a place in my life through his own undoing, I found myself staring at his handphone (and house) number in my phone, and was in the valley of indecision whether to 'export contact to SIM', to my new handphone. In the end, I decided that...

Although...after all that has happened,

I still added him as a contact.

I guess...

Deep down in our hearts there is still a capacity to remember the 'good times', taking the good times with the bad.

And maybe I have a secret wish that things could go back to the way they were before.

==

I've realised that through conversations with Mr A's aunt, I've gotten to know so much about this guy that would otherwise be very scary if not for the fact that I do care, more than he knows, and I know more than he can imagine.

It's not about how much you know, but how much you care. And through strange orchestrations, through the 'rain' and the bad things that has happened this year, something good came out of it.

If not for the fact that we had a photo taken together at a young adults' event, I wouldn't have added him into my 'social network'. And if not for the fact that my ex-employee disappeared and owed me munny, leaving me in horror, I would not have poured out to him - at the point of time where I felt that I needed someone to tell...and a stranger seems better, sometimes. So... now, I have a crush on this Mr A. This is not normal, the fact that he still pops into my mind despite my usually strong willpower to 'stop it'. I feel like telling him random things, interesting things... but when I see him, it usually renders me speechless. I want so much to just connect with him and spend long balmy afternoons just sharing, but it seems almost like a faraway dream. And for the life of me, I don't know why I am feeling like this!!! It is supposed to be a fleeting feeling, based on a fleeting emotional attachment on my part because of a stressful, traumatic experience.

Yet having recovered, I find my thoughts frequently wander to him. Each time I walked past the area where he worked- and that was pretty often, for my work; I would wonder to myself, if I would bump into him like some cheesy Korean drama plot. Sigh.Some things just can't be explained. Like why do some fish lay eggs and others just give birth? Hmm.

And when a woman likes someone that much, she starts to think about other things in life.

Everyone has a plan, a timeframe in which they wanna do stuff.

Like, 'I want to own my first car before 30'...Or, 'I want to have kids before 35'. Places to go to. Hobbies to master, like golf...cooking...extreme sports. A girl can dream. But when a woman has these feelings, it is a very powerful catalyst.

I find myself being...braver. Maybe doing things or considering doing things I've never done before. Definitely, more consultations with God about my life. Definitely, more cleaning up of the past issues. Definitely, more conscious about the way I behave with guys - more polite, and less mannish... haha.

As I've told my dear Tagteam friend who is now a Mom - that, knowing both MrBestFriend, with his snazzy charm and languid eyes, and Mr A, I've realised that... MrBestFriend (at that time) is playing with my mind, but Mr A has captured my heart.

A woman's heart is fragile, and dangerous. Fragile because once it is given away, a broken heart does not mend easily. Dangerous, because it hardly forgets, pain and suffering. Although that is what makes a heart stronger in the process of releasing those feelings...

Ah...is anybody feeling this way too?

when you like him too much, don't tell everyone

This blog is about shopping so if you have no money, please don't read on... ...

I bought a cool pair of sneakers -Onitsuka Tigers Lutte Filles.

Mine's in silver, and when I wear it, it makes me feel like dancing through life... I remember the last pair of sneakers I owned was bought by a friend (Adidas' in maroon) and that was many, years ago. I wear my Mom's Columbias to the gym and own an assortment of slippers and more slippers. But my feet ache in them and ache worse in flats - and even worse, are scratched and bruised from the various gu-niang shoes. Sobs. So this month, I have a sneaker budget. I hope I don't feel like I want to buy one pair every month...they are just too comfy!

I don't know if there is a theory out there that if you like someone, it somehow subconciously influences your shopping for clothes/makeup/shoes etc. But it does! Mr A is always impeccably dressed... I have a thing for guys in black, long-sleeved shirts, somehow it makes my heart beat faster... especially if he is tanned to match the shirt. And once, spotted him in this getup with gray chinos, and the back pocket had some stud details on it...which, having an eye for detail, I found myself giving him brownie points...wait, I wasn't purposely looking at his butt... Nono. And he always carries this beige overcoat with an air of nonchalance to our saturday haunt...I noticed that. Mmm, my ex-best friend does that too - carry a beige overcoat (when he was out with me, presumably to watch movies); 'just in case I felt cold'. I couldn't possibly be with someone who has sloppy dress sense, not only would I go broke buying him spiffy shirts, I would also feel that I need to change too much about him. Everyone's been amazingly positive about Mr A, hee... although he doesn't have a clue.

Alkitab even quoted from the Bible that I should, like in the book of Joshua, 'claimed the land upon which every step he took... ' I asked Alkitab, Oh, does that mean I must step on Mr A and claim him as my territory? And I had a very funny visual of me doing so, haha, maybe I will, although perhaps that would traumatise him a little...

Anyways.

Every guy has to have a black shirt...and a white shirt.

Or a blue shirt.

Kie, who is quite a spiffy dresser too.

But back to my theory.

After examining my wardrobe 'pre-crush' on Mr A - and 'post-crush'; YES, definitely I can spot some changes.

Before...I was this girl. Although not the striped cardigan, but yes with the straight cut jeans, white shirt, open sandals and trying-to-be-wavy hair.

So me.
My wardrobe is mostly cute graphic tees in black, white, gray, blue...which I can get away with (for work) if I pair it with a cropped jacket and slinky pants. I shop at Pull and Bear a lot...as well as River Island for these:

$19.90 only le. I LOVE ROBOTS! But I didn't buy it. Sobs. Pull and Bear knows that I love robots and buildings... This tee is so me, right? I have strictly instructed my girlfriends to restrain me from buying tees because I already have quite a wide variety...Was asking Lilo in the changing room, 'should I buy? should I buy? should I buy? Should I buy this robot shirt???' Until the shop assistant giggled to himself.

She wisely didn't answer.
Instead, I bought (something like) this:

$39.90, Pull and Bear.

It's a sort of tunic-dress in light airy cotton with nice tiny lace details around the neckline.

So I will look like this:

With my sneakers! Yay! Although I think I will wear leggings to preserve my modesty. Which I don't have any, so time to go and hunt for one.

Lilo has bought a nice bag which looks like this but nicer in lemony which SO suits her. From Fossil - I have a thing for Fossil bags, I think that they are quite nice and price points not as high as Coach, and they use nice leather!

Nice!

I am thinking of the one below for myself, or something like it. It's nice, quirky and durable. Maybe for next month's budget!

I think that when you are having a crush on someone, or in my case, he constantly 'pops' up in my mind; your brain is more predisposed to change - the positive, warm feelings in this sense being a catalyst for change; therefore, it's not something so straightforward like you are changing for someone; rather, it's a more subliminal sense of being in touch of the various facets of personality you have, and identifying with them in a way that brings out, more of your femininity.

And of course, taking note of what you are wearing just in case he walks by. Again, this is subconcious.

And my feelings being a catalyst for change, I did something unusual this week.

I cut my hair!

And not at Henrys'!!!

I only let Henry touch my head for...many years, now.

But since last year, I've been quite...daring, in my choice of hair stylists. Last month, I even went to Far East! But still, the styles were quite tame...until now. Haha! I just wanted a haircut, so I went to Lilo's hair salon which was near my office, anyways. He's good - now I have a blunt fringe, short at the sides so when I tie up it looks like short hair, and long at the back. Still getting used to the look, but am so happy I can wear lots of pins and etc. Haha... visited my sister's workplace (she is 4 years younger) and I was wearing corporate-style, but with the new hairdo, and her colleague asked, whether I was the younger or older sibling! HAHA! It's not the first time so... lil sis was miffed and said, in her defense, that I 'don't look my age'. Hmm, so I look 21 and she, 22? LOL...

I hope it doesn't scare away Mr A though. Looking like 21 and all...

at a baby show

We were taking the feeder bus 261 to somewhere in Ang Mo Kio to exhibit me at my first baby show... hee. Remember those buses with the red spongy seats and windows you had to pull to close or open... ...



The doctor had to inspect your health then...so much more stringent than the baby shows of today where you just have to be photogenic, I guess. This is a real doctor, man. Was mentioning this to Fishfarm Aunt and she said that there was an advantage if you are a chubby and healthy baby. Due to an impending filming with her I had asked her to take out her retro photos, too... hope she has some nice ones!

Yes! I won! There were 5 prizes and Mom said I won 4th. I was like, 'Huh, 4th only ar...' Then she said that there were hundreds of babies who took part and only 5 prizes. Okay. I feel quite proud. Although I never continued my winning streak...Blur already...Just look at the retro packaging of the Pampers! Somehow the older designs are so much nicer don't you think...

The sense of winning starts to sink in and I give the face of victory... LOL.

Actually, I look like a boy!

Sobs! And somehow my ears were sticking out when I was young...

I'm not really sentimental but I think i form a deep attachment to places I've lived in, known, and loved - perhaps being outside too much has created that kind of attachment. I wonder how my old place is like - despite it being only about 5 bus stops away from my current residence, I don't go back. I will, soon.

Places change so much, and too fast.