photos of the week

Some photos I enjoyed looking at this week. Be inspired by the beauty of nice people!



Like the blue, like the white silhouette, like Longchamp bags v much, who is gonna buy me one...?


Nice design. forgot where I pulled it off from.







Agyness Deyn. My muse of the moment. She's singlehandedly reviving my interest in fashion, I tell you.


uber nice bag, very expensive


uber nice dress. very expensive...







my current fave photographer. Munetaka Tokuyama. Japanese. Nice work for uniqlo.


Be inspired by these 100 japanese girls
http://www.100cheergirl.jp/#
Cool website too

saving the world and my best friend, while i'm at it

So keep me awake
To memorize you
Give me more time, to feel this way
We can't stay like this forever

But I can have you next to me, today...

-Josh Groban, Awake.

Ches pirated some of his Josh songs for me which is playing on my dinosaur (first generation creative) mp3 player. Listening to meaningful lyrics on the tiresome train journey to work uplifts my spirits. Makes me feel like dancing through the dreary crowd, and for many moments feel undisturbed by the sardine situation I am in for about an hour till I reach my lovely work destination.

I've been taking photos of the people I eat with this week till I'm bored of my random hobby, but this random hobby proves more interesting than I'd expected. I never thought that I would be so impacted by the people I lunch with. Take CJ for example. I've always watched him in The Church reading bible before service and God used him to speak to me because I find bible reading extremely dull... and I gushed to him yesterday that I was so so glad to be his friend now, we met at DEW weekend he was a friend's friend's friend, and bumped into him last week, so random!

And I was impacted by his desire to serve God in any capacity, something which I have perhaps lost along the way...CJ has a nice spirit, will go far in christendom. I won't be surprised to see him SL soon!




And Ches.
I realize that I'm beginning to care more for my friends.
Usually when we meet as a departure present I'd just pass him some books I've read and will never read again, books to accompany him on his job onboard a container ship. This time, I pirated The Church sermons along with some songs, along with a video of our Melaka footage. I mean, it's nothing really, but it's something done with more... thought input into it. And I genuinely felt morose at seeing him for the last time in perhaps 5 months or maybe the next time I'd see him is next year? I've never been a really thoughtful person, but I think putting some effort into this, even though it's a really small thing, shows that... I am learning something about myself. I guess the events of last quarter has really changed my heart, that now I am no longer as self-centred as I thought I was. I actually felt sad when we departed on the train, thinking to myself that that's probably the last time I'm gonna see a cherished friend for a long, long time.



I realize now about decision making and how some decisions are easier made- if made, in the mind, first. I spoke to Jelly and Archie about this. Like, I already know about THE BEST ONE God has for my life - and although, nothing is happening now, I should not doubt. I should just... wait.

But it's so easy (and it's also not wrong)to make some decisions which will ultimately impair the final decision...

I was having a random thought experiment - say, I met a nice, godly guy in The Church while serving together - I DID actually! And, I found it easy chattering with him... And we happened to attend a class together, and then, one thing led to another, we went out, it was nice, we start developing feelings, and then... I tell him about TBO?

You can see how easy it is for me for such things to happen. And I suspect it's easy for Jelly, for GoodDaddy, for any one of my church friends to be in this situation also. And I would have inevitably hurt this nice church guy I met while serving, also...

So, it's not what you do... it's actually what you decide to do before doing it. I mean, you can say, yeah, harmless what, I am just hanging out with the fella! But hey, anyone can tell you you are putting yourself in a dangerous position, and why do it?

It was just a thought experiment but I think your choice to go out with someone or not speaks a lot about your principles. And I know what I will do, if the situation ever presents itself... it's tough, it's boring, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

Also, because I love TBO, I love myself, and I love my christian brothers and sisters, I will not attempt any foolish thing.

It's easier to delude yourself into a path of destruction than to focus on the best. It's hard to watch people making mistakes they can simply avoid, but it's harder to tell them so. At least for me, I think I cannot bring myself to watch my friends being hurt by stupid ways... yet maybe making mistakes helps them to realize about the best one, the way I am realizing now. And it's not easy. Living the godly life never is.

I still want to save the world.


So keep me awake,for every moment
Give us more time
to be this way
We can't be like this forever
But I can have you next to me, today

We'll let tomorrow wait, you're here right now with me
All my fears just fall away, when you are all I see

We can't stay like this forever
But I have you here today.

to knot or not

Heh. Been reading books non-stop, it's a good way to spend a relaxing weekend, something that I don't mind indulging in when I'm not otherwise occupied.

Bought this book 'to knot or not', I couldn't resist the title, plus it's a bestseller at Trumpet Praise. It's a christian book with excerpts from women who are married less than 10 years, some advice... Well I wouldn't usually buy such books but patience is not one of my virtues and sometimes for me it's just too easy to be distracted... so setting some principles in place is much needed, for me...

Was sharing with Cherry yesterday about the conviction I had about TBO. I also almost forgot, thank God for the friends he placed around me to remind me. Well, after 'surrendering all' last year, I specifically prayed to God to show me, in a way that I knew I could be 100% convicted and, not doubt again, and God did answer in a box - 'cause I wanted him to answer in a box... yeah I'm blabbering but I have my conviction about TBO. I believe that there is the right one for my life - and because I believe in that God will speak to me in that way about that, just like God speaks to people in the way they expect him too... My new friend CJ also says that God will speak to people in the way God WANTS to...

Well!

The book writes:

Most of us are mature enough to realize that the man of our dreams takes somewhat of a different form when we look at real-life men. Search for the rest of your life to find a man who meets every one of your wishes, and I'd love to see who you come up with. I think the Lord would never provide that person (if he exists!) because His plan for us is always different - and better (whether or not we realize it) - than what we would choose for ourselves. But how are we to know?

Some guidelines that a 23-year old gave in the book for choosing the man to share her life:

-Make sure I am on God's intended path for my life. Am I choosing the path that best enables me to be more like the woman Christ calls me to be?
-If the path is right, then my heart is in a position to hear God's guidance.
-If in a relationship with a man whose desire is to be all God intends for him to be, the answer to, 'Could he be someone I could marry?' is yes.
-The deciding factor to the question, "Is he THE ONE for me?" becomes the decision itself.

=)
I must pray more. Been quoting to many people, what P Dowdy said in bapod "Faith is the no-man's land between the revelation and the fulfilment of destiny." Gosh I hope I have enough faith!

And Archie also sent emails with encouraging thoughts, which I'd cut and paste here:

Psalm 118:24 NIV
Three of the biggest mistakes you can make are:
(1) Longing for yesterday. A lady wrote to a newspaper editor, 'Your paper is not as good as it used to be.' He replied, 'It never has been!' Learn from the past, but don't put a halo on it. The Bible says: (a) 'Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" for it is not wise' (Ecc 7:10 NIV). (b) 'Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?' (Isa 43:18-19 NIV).

(2) Longing for the right somebody. It's better to want what you don't have than have what you don't want. The 'somebody blues' can cause you to finish up like the lady who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I married my husband; now it's too late!' Two dysfunctional people usually don't make one happy couple. When you're by yourself, at least you know who you're dealing with. God knows what you need better than you do, and 'No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly' (Ps 84:11). Instead of finding the right person, strive to become the right person!

(3) Longing for some future destination. It's a mistake to believe that when you arrive at a certain point you'll be happy; when you retire, take that trip or reach that goal. No, your happiest moments are along the way, not at the end of the trip. When it comes to living you can't improve on the Scripture 'This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it'

Some good advice for everyone.

see, God (Part 2)

It's like that with me, all the time. I get jolted - and I mean jolted by God, when He wants me to... should I say embark on the next phase of my life?

I was hesitating to put what I saw into words, and to put the words to my friends, knowing that many would be skeptical, or cynical, or both.

But I was thinking that, even if one person was touched, and somehow, believed again in the awesome power of God, then I don't mind the skeptics and the cynics. After all, I was just relating what I saw, believe it... or not.

=)

Thanks Lilo for the nice reply by the way.

"kudos!
Great testimony, it reminds me of how i should be pure in my heart so that i can "see" God, not because of seeing, but just wanting. :) Great testimony! Thanks for sharing, it really blessed my heart!!
Would u allow me to share this (without quoting your name) to my cell - main point is to wan to have a pure heart of God.
Hm! Those who are pure in the heart will see GOD! and its possible!! because you have done it before i can tell myself and others that I can see God! :D :D :D"

V encouraged.

And thanks Zero for pointing out that P Dowdy's sermon on Sunday related to my sharing in ways only God can fathom. I wasn't there but I shall download it.

So here goes.
Wherever in the world you are reading this, it is my heartfelt wish to let you know that God is beside you, too. And cares for your heartfelt desires. Immensely!

=====



In the last quarter of last year, I had depressive emotions due to certain situations I was in, and also because of my bad relationship choices and experiences in the past 2-3 years. It affected me to the extent whereby I could not work or do anything constructive, was weeping everyday and chronically ill for about 2 months. I was advised to attend DEW as it would be helpful, and I agreed.

About 3 weeks ago, I attended P Dennis' sermon on Authority Part 1, with my best friend Derrick who was sitting beside me. During the altar call prayer, I suddenly opened my eyes and looked beside him (he was seated next to the aisle) and looking down I saw a pair of odd, triangular shaped, blue feet. It did not look human to me, so I glanced to the side and found to my surprise that the body was transparent, although I had the sense of it being huge. The feet itself were huge, triple the size of my friend's, and it was a sky blue color - non solid, more of a 'difference clouds' effect. I only saw that for a split second. Big, blue, huge. And definitely non-human.

Later I just brushed it away attributing it to perhaps a reflection as we were seated quite near the screens. But I was also reminded that I would not open my eyes midway of prayer normally, unless I was prompted to. So, I asked church leaders and was directed to tell P Dennis himself. But we had no clue what it was or represented.

Last week, I attended DEW teaching (I went for ministry before teaching so already had about 4 sessions of counseling) and on Friday evening's ministry, there was an altar call for us, regarding God's love. Along with the rest, I went up. The DEW senior lady who prayed for me began with, "God loves you very much." In my mind, I was thinking, "Yeah OK, I know that. How very typical to say something like that."

But what she said next totally blew my mind.

She followed with,
"The way God will show His love for you,
He will show Himself to you.
First you will see His feet,
and the outline of His body."

When she said that, something inside of me broke and I just wept and wept. I could not believe what she said, yet she had said exactly how I had seen Him, 2 weeks earlier. It was like the old song which me and my best friend loved to sing together while walking along the road towards church: "Just one glimpse of His glory... ...And I will never be the same"

I really saw Him just for a split second.

As I cried to Him, my frustrations, fears, everything, was being pulled out and dealt with. It was like experiencing God's UNCONDITIONAL love for the first time, all over again.

On the way home, I couldn't stop crying tears of joy.

I remember that for the longest time, I always wanted to see God. Just to see God. I've never wanted to be meek to inherit the earth, but what I did want was to see God. "Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God." Just a month ago, on my blog, I wrote in response to Trinity's bulletin handout:
Sunday, March 16, 2008
pure in heart
Read this in The Church's bulletin handout, about how 'those who are pure in heart will see God.'

For me, this is the only 'Beautitude' that I can remember, perhaps because I like it the best! Well... I've always wanted to see God. I don't have any fears or worries about seeing Him. Maybe because for as long as I can remember, I can sense the presence of God around me, and I always feel blessed, somehow. It's hard not to acknowledge God when almost all of your prayers have been answered.

I like the part where it says:
'Let me start with a definition. The word 'pure' can mean 'without contamination'. A person who is pure in heart will therefore be able to see God where others may not. And will be able to hear Him when others cannot. Or they may be able to talk to Him in a way that others wish they could.
... I want to see God.'

But I always thought that I was too sinful and would not be able to see Him.
In my Bible this verse reads

You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

On hindsight, it is thanks to DEW that I am able to see God - once all my past sinfulness, and strongholds were dealt with - I was made pure - inside. In fact, that week, although I did not realise, I was in as good a state as I could possibly get, in terms of purity. I'm still overwhelmed that I could be able to see God - just for a split second.

=)

photos of the week

I'm glad that American Idol sang "Shout To The Lord" last Thursday. I was watching it alone, on Ches, sofa, and when Ryan announced, when the music came up...I was in disbelief. And touched to tears when I saw them sing, live.

American Idol has a magical power to touch millions who watch it, and I'm glad that someone up there decided to use this song. I immediately smsed Kie and Dad to watch, and they did! Woo.

Here's an interesting must-read about it.
Inside scoop
http://www.joshharris.com/2008/04/inside_scoop_on_shout_to_the_l.php

==
This week passes by really quickly. I feel exhausted at the things I need to do and... wish I could sleep in more. Heh. Still, I'm happy. At the way things are turning out to be.

Should I buy a longchamp bag?

Some pictures of the week...


Agyness Deyn. First read about her in TIME. Can see her in the b/w tvc for Burberrys perfume. Love her style. Love the shirt.


More shirts.


How cool are these bottles? I don't mind buying just for the bottle. Only found in sg. dempsey hill, jones the grocer. was featured in www.trendwatching.com!


Nice shoes I bought from Melaka. I like snakeskin look on my feet.


My blinged-out namecard holder. I did one for my colleague too.
And I bought it all from Daiso so it's really low cost. Including the namecard holder.


One of the perks of being a girl is that I always get treated to lunch by my lunch buddies who are mostly men over 30. (Sounds so wrong! But most of my friends are older peeps.) Here at Shokudo. Huge chicken teriyaki burger.


And his. He's going salsa dancing today, looked really spiffy in tight pants and leather shoes.


I really think these MRT ads are cool. Good copywrite. Each panel is different so they must have had 100s panels... Seen in City Hall - Tanjong Pagar MRT stations. www.rednano.sg. Haven't really gone to the site though.

TGIF? Getting really swamped up in work, hope I don't look haggard. HAHA!

see, God

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Josh Groban, February song.


I saw...God.

3 weeks ago.

(to be continued)

stills, melaka

Some stills from the video I was shooting in Melaka...yeah was filming for a few hours. Can't wait for the video to be edited!


















Whee.

the ability to do nothing

Sometimes the complexity of this world - my world, the world I live in - just scares me. I wish it all could be a little easier, a little cleaner.

My ideal world is one where I can wake up to the morning sun on my face and the sounds of birds chirping and just feel really rested at night. Not having headaches ever! ( I am having one today) and just somewhere where I can take a walk, at any hour, in peace, without having to worry about anything.

I guess the reason why I love Melaka so much is because it offers all these, and more... my respite from the hectic lifestyle here. It's also the nearest place that I can go to to find my rest, to find - my self. I feel as though I'm cluttering up my life with too many unwanted and unasked for thoughts, and decisions I don't really have/want to make - being away in Melaka just simplifies stuff and you can actually hear yourself thinking deep thoughts. Sublime. Yet, after the weekend I seem to settle all-too-easily into the busy everyday life. Argh. I miss Melaka, and all the other nice places where I can find respite for my soul.

Captain Zero mentioned, that with some people, when you are with them, 'it feels like coming home', and I'm glad that somehow I feel like that when I go to Melaka, though it was never my home... somehow, the whole place calls to me. Haha! My next goal is to buy a house (next to Chestnut's) there. His current place is really lovely, it has all the retro features like metal toilet door, mosaic kitchen floor, high ceiling, shuttered windows, small front porch, curlicue design gate and large bedrooms... I WANT!

I am promising myself not to get too drained by the life here and have a respite one weekend in the month to do nothing. It really makes a difference!

Some photos I took, each time I go up I take different, and interesting photos!

Hehe.


Took this photo of my workstation the day I left for Melaka - it's looking somewhat like my areas at home. I'm allowed to do anything even paint the walls... might put up some stickers. I just hooked all my stuff to the walls for now. The giant paper clip is a gift from PS Chua and the toy soldiers are really retro ones, I jokingly tell people 'I am always surrounded by men'.... get it? haha!


On the way to the bus station, from office, in a cab...Heard it rained really heavily last Thursday - here it was just starting to drizzle.






Chestnut's neighbor's dog. Amazed that it posed wonderfully for me later, most animals do actually, it's as if they know they are being photographed. I was kinda scared though as I was really close.


Outside Chestnut's house - retro feel right! Hehe. I love love love the gate.


Old yellow school bus parked along the road to Ches' place.


Me and iguana. Heh. Couldn't resist! RM3. Was kinda scared, as you can see from my wincing expression... It's really scaly and heavy and yucky...


The next top model! Chestnut's not posing for this photo - he hates to take photos so I had to secretly snap it... We were resting in the St Paul's church after climbing many steps to reach it. Chestnut just looks uber cool in every shot, naturally... It's part of the 'silent, strong' masculine factor he has. Woot! I still remember the days where he was skinny like a chopstick and now, due to his work he just has these lovely muscles... Woot!


Nice jesus shirt.


Cool.


Our fave place to have coffee!

Looking at these photos makes me feel happy. =) Shall capture some stills from the video we took soon.

Can't wait to hear the birds chirping in another travelling location soon.

photos of the week

spiritedly brings you interesting images from online sources. Be inspired.



I'm a beta tester for this site, woot! My black and white photograph of L's wedding got on the main page! So happy. L's accidentally famous now. On a side note my cam's acting up. Think the batt's too old. Takes one shot and it goes empty. Argh.



I like the combi on the left - pink socks with court shoes, makes me want to rush out to buy those (would look good with my checkered skirt)... Been buying a lot of pink clothes and I'm glad the pink comes in these bisque hues.



Like the shirt.



I like the photography effect. Wish someone would take a photo of me like this! Can't tell it's Kelly Clarkson right...looks so WOW.



Part of a trend report where brands tie-up to make interesting and cool stuff. Such a simple yet cool effect.



Part of a project I'm doing. Heh. Photo taken by ultra cool japanese photographer!



Interesting photo. It has some deep concept, about reflection of your own shadows or something. I like praying mantises too, growing up we kept lots for pets.




In Singapore, McDonalds tries to up its cool factor by doing the Mc Cafes. Hello europe, McDs turn gothic... Actually, just trying to use black to be cool... LOL



New Urban Male! 235! Few people know what the 235 stands for... Heh heh. I know, of course! They gave me a 'media discount' on their prdts so am loving them. bought 2 shirts and slippers. Yay yay yay!



I LIKE!!! Nils Butler. The inner SPG in me is screaming.


Ok, enough flakiness for the day... Time to catch my bus for Melaka!

happy!

Heh.

Went to This Shopping Centre with Captain Zero for dinner yesterday. As usual; he was not on time at the promised time but I didn't mind, because I realized that... woot! This Shopping Centre has...factory outlet shops! A first, in Singapore! There were the usual suspects Giordano and G2000 - but really cheap... $8! $10! You know. Haha... and I happily bought two skirts and one nice shirt for a steal from Club Marc, it's this US brand - some of the clothes are very corporate but the rest are nice, functional, and good material. I got a nice pink-black and white checked skirt, so good for work... I find it increasingly difficult to dress for work nowadays when all my clothing is either super-corporate (think black and stuffy suits) or super lok-cok, so there needs to be more of those in-betweens in my wardrobe! Looking forward to look uber chic everyday now.

I'm heading to Melaka later. Finally! Trip got postponed for a few weeks, it seems like there are neverending things to do on the weekend here. I realised that I should not ask ladies 'I'm going to Melaka, what do you want me to buy in Melaka' because their eyes will light up at the possibilities, and ask me what's there to buy there... and I will be going on shopping trips. Haha! I'm also going to reshoot my pilot segment... so I brought nice un-lok-cok (hopefully) clothes to wear, there. Glad to meet Chestnut again too.

happy!

captain zero, outside cathay, a few realizations made

Just thought that these shirts I found selling online are nice. Especially the 'bleeding heart', definitely a good conversation starter.

I'm really blessed beyond reason - I saw God (more on that in a later writing), and so far, there hasn't been any negative response from ANYONE about anything in work - you can attribute it to a really solid product, but I prefer to say that it's the favor of God. But yes, simply amazing. I could just fall in love with work and have an all day romance! Haha!

A nice, wise lady friend told me that I should date when I'm in the - prime - pink of my youth - time, and don't waste it, because the years will just pass by quickly. I really appreciated that, although we had just met - I felt that we could communicate on a deep level, which is rare for me. I do remain skeptical about the people I meet and seldom take them for face value. Well, how can I put it into words that for me, whilst otherwise I would have thoroughly enjoyed dating - me being me, dating having the thrills of new experiences and the pleasure of meeting new individuals from whom, I can analyse stuff and learn something from, the fun-ness of it... But now that I am fully 'into' what God has for me and not wavering from the possibility that the best one might not be the best one, just accepting it firmly, without hesitation and without doubt, the excitement of dating seems random and purposeless to me.

But... how to tell her?

I wasn't intent on scaring my new friend off by going into rounds of 'God told me this and that' 'my destiny' 'God's WIL FOR MY LIFE!!!', so I just mentioned that there was a guy I had my eye on, I've known him since I was 19. We aren't dating right now but remain as close friends, and we do meet each other quite frequently in The Church and other settings.

Hee.

At the end, she said, You have to tell him! (Now why is this phrase so familiar.)
Yes, I know I have to.
But I don't want to?

She said, Just get an answer from him! Don't hold on for too long for I've seen many girls that way. Sometimes all you need to move on in life is a 'YES' or 'NO' answer.

On the way home yesterday, I kept thinking about that. She was right. At a later stage, I will need to know, to hear a yes or no.
Sometimes things ARE that simple.



So.
It all started with moisturizer.

Or rather, a brand of moisturizer. Specifically, Jergens' original with cherry-almond scent.

I was feeling miffed after a certain someone in Captain Zero's past escapades showed up. Well, not literally - as to him, she had always been a part of his life. Anyways, the point was that - if you were to choose your own happiness but there was the need to sacrifice something along with it, would you?

Initially I was ok about it (the part where Zero sacrificed us - our friendship- for the one true happiness in life) but later on, negative emotions like hurt, sadness, narrowing of eyes came to reflect on my visage.

Apparently, spiritedly has come to realise that she has envisioned that now that hers' and Zero's friendship has cemented into a certain stage, she thinks that he will be in her life, forever, sharing nice memories of watching movies, shopping in vivocity, and other friendly stuff. Forever - or at least the next ten years.

So she told him so, in a stuttering way, outside cathay. (Why does it strangely rhyme?)

And we mentioned the moisturizer... drat that Jergens.

The moisturizer being a certain obscure brand that spiritedly used, liked, and trusted. And wanted to buy again as The Office was drying out her fingers. Unbeknownst to her, that certain someone also liked to use the exact same moisturizer with the cherry almond scent.

Of all the moisturizers, she had to use my brand, spiritedly thought. But it's ok, I will find another one that I will like.

After sampling many other brands like Dove, Nivea, Neutrogena, Lux... etc!! She bought the same one in the end. But Zero thought that it was thoughtful of her not to smell like a certain someone, lest it brought back memories.

And all was well!

Many realizations these days...

overwrought

Started - and finished reading "Dear John" by Nicholas Sparks today. He's quite a famous author and 'The Notebook' ranks highly on my favorite books. I'm quite a reader, and with this month's paycheck I've bought 6 books this month. Plan to spend quiet weekends reading vicariously but in busy busy sg, I seem to never find the chance. I'm exhausted. I've worked - or had things to attend to almost every weekend that I feel that I've never really 'rested' this year. I guess it's a similar story for the many people who really have fulfilling jobs. I begin to wonder if I'm turning into someone who cannot escape from the routine, and can I stay positive in the midst of all the bad stuff? There's been more good than bad, but some things that are going on, I can't help but worry.

The book 'Dear John' helps me to understand Captain Zero a little better. And in some ways, understand why I didn't use to understand him - and people that are like him. For a long time now, I've always felt more comfortable baring my heart to rational, logical people. People who can think in the way I do and respond in the way I expect. People whom I can spend hours with sitting and looking at some scenery and feel utterly at peace, discussing philosophical stuff and analysing, almost disecting lives and personalities.

But when you are given a chance to glimpse into another person's world, that little glimpse may just change your life forever.

It's so easy to judge things by our own human perception.

It's so easy to say, ah, I cannot communicate with this person. This person has some problem. I cannot understand this person...

I'm not just talking about my situation here but I guess everyone feels misunderstood at times. But unlike people who try to win people on their side and justify their actions and sayings, I don't even bother to defend myself.

Maybe I've just met too many of these self-centred people. And I also don't see the need to bother when I could be doing something else like happily working at fruitful matters. I digress, the point of what I want to say is that the book, the story, like the other Nicholas Sparks stories, always reminds me of the truth.

The truth is, we should love God more. We should love each other more. We should love, without having to apologize, or letting our pride get in the way, or making it an obligation or a responsibility.

When a story touches you in a way like it did to me, a part of you changes like never before.

I'm sick and the worst thing is I don't even know what I'm down with. Maybe it's just exhaustation. I don't want to over-analyse and study all the diseases online and worry that I have fibromylagia or ...whatever. I'm a fan of the tv show House, and I do have worrisome thoughts, CSI-style. It's just minor non debilitating symptoms so I shouldn't have any cause for concern.

Still, being healthy is really important to me.
Being ok with yourself is, too.

I've met so many good people this week (while filming and having meetings) I think the world is not such a bad place after all. And while I still can, I'm going to smile at as many people as possible.

overzealous

Things said at my Office everyday could be turned into a script for some sitcom...

Overheard, at MY Office:

Yesterday:
Lady colleague: Boss, are you free?
Boss: No, I'm $50 per hour.
...

Last week:
Same lady colleague(talking to guy intern while turning up the aircon): Hey, are you hot?
Me (sarcastic):No, he's not!

*Hoots*

Boss(while talking about the space in the office): I'd just let them (new interns) have my table then I can go sit...
Me: You can have the space under my table! (I use it to store all my barang)
Boss: Yeah! Then you can kick me while you're working.
Me: ...

Me(trying to slot in a meeting): When is a good time to have a meeting, Boss?
Boss: Next time we will launch an application where we can see each other's schedule and then we can just key in the meetings.
Me:...Eh, you didn't answer my question!

*Hoots*

It's actually really funny when this happens to you in real life.

==

I've got lots of things to write about actually as things have been happening and happening and I feel so - out of touch, out of place. I've been having cluster headaches almost everyday for two weeks now, and I just have this perpetually dreamy feeling throughout the days I am plagued by it. Don't really like to dwell on the bad stuff, but sometimes it's just a sad process of growing up when the responses from people you thought might care just makes you feel worse. I've been guilty of it too, when Captain Zero catches me on a bad day I just bite his head off, only to feel that later on, 'I shouldn't have.' The sadder part is, most people fail to realize that about themselves, perhaps only much later when it is too late for redemption.

And then you realize that... the people that really care are really few.

Anyways! Things are looking up. No more headaches, really happy at work and play.

I mentioned to a friend that,

'Sometimes you know in your heart what you need to do but you... don't do.
Or the things you know you have to work out... but neglect to do it till something happens.' I just said it without thinking much about it and then later on realised that that contained deep nuggets of thoughts. Been highly encouraged by many well meaning friends, mostly older than me, to 'confess' to TBO. Or rather, 'hint' to him. Hehe. I will, soon. I mean, I'm just enjoying the sweet moments that we share and don't want to ask for anything more right now.

I also like the way how some friendships turned out. Me, Captain and PS Chua was just lounging about the other day at the park near my place. Some parks are creepy, you just don't want to hang around for too long, or just too isolated. For my place, there are old people walking their dogs, teenagers, decent people who are just exercising and sitting down and chatting that makes it a very positive ambience. On weekends you can sit down and read a book sitting on the bench in the shade, while hunks and marrieds play soccer in the background. It's too positive at times though, sometimes we hang there and talk and talk until the wee hours. Which is what we did!

I was kind of saddened by the way I was linked to Captain and described as 'someone who once had feelings for him' - more scandalously - 'while he was STILL attached!' Sigh. I guess there are some people in church who will not stop at anything to get what they want. Don't they realise that they should choose to believe in something more positive, and also, verify the facts. I am rational that way - if someone told me something like this about a person I hardly knew, I would want hard facts, like maybe a steamy letter of confession? That should do the trick. But herein lies the most interesting, and logical (to me) conclusion: that that someone is not targeting me, but, rather, Captain Zero. In a way, it's also quite stupid. Because I would do something more positive. Like befriend me, add me to facebook and then slowly, get on our good books. I can't imagine why people would want to antagonize me, his best friend. So he has to make a hard decision? And guess what, if he chooses to forsake me, it tells about the depth(shallowness) of his character (and that our friendship is not worth anything anyways.) So I don't think Captain will forsake me (as he promised me not to but I am a skeptic at heart)... but this situation can be avoided easily, it's just that some people prefer to do things in this stupid way, for their whole lives. I can easily see why people fall into this trap. But I'd rather not. Sometimes things can get political especially when people know that I have a certain level of influence within certain circles. But honestly, I only instigate people to do positive things within reason. And I would never ask my friends to forsake another, nor force them to be unable to attend cell, or to be put in a position which they will be forced to do something they don't want to do.

It's just not right.