Watched on dvd "Before Sunset", a bittersweet romance story set in Paris where the two characters, acted by Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, find each other after 9 years. The whole story is acted in one long walk, where both talk to each other about life and love. Watching shows like these really makes you pensive for a day, wondering, if the other person you cared about also thought about you - theirs for nine years.
I've had so many people telling me everyday, you are still young, cherish the connections and the nice stuff people do for you in life, because when you get old, the people won't be bothered to, anymore. No one will be bothered to walk you home when it's late. Or to talk to you for hours, or to take long lonely walks with you just because you needed to talk. Maybe I'm an old soul. But I cherish the soul connection I thought I had, with Muffin. I know such connections only happen once or twice in a lifetime. And when it's gone, you will always wonder 'what if', and long for the closeness, the shared times that brought comfort to both souls. When it's gone, you become a bit more cynical. I've changed. I think I am less naive now. I wish that we had a little more in common. Perhaps meeting at different stages in our lives. I wonder what would have happened if Muffin hadn't walked in to church. Would we still have met, somehow, next year, at a youth conference? Would I still be the same person, six months ago to now? He did not really choose to walk in to my life... so why am I choosing to perhaps walk out now? I am so tired. Seeing him only makes things worse. I cried last night. Like the night before. I hate it.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Happy Birthday Penelope, a photomontage for you. You are as old as me now! Ha.
Not a very nice one as these are the only photos I have of you and J, taken less than 1 yr ago at East Coast.
I love the times we were there, we should go there more often. Looking back at the photos, you realize things really change in a year, some people that were there last year is not here for us anymore, but as long as both of you cherish your love and the happy moments you have spent together, believe God will make this love last a lifetime.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
new generation #2
A new generation... my new generation!
Am all fired up in faith to reach out to my community, my age group... my generation. I've always had a passion to bring more to church, bring more to the gospel. Somehow, I don't have the fear that grips most in asking people, even strangers to church. By a sheer coincidental meeting, I met Christian, who is a youth worker with Heart Church located near The Church. And, last friday, attended a meet with quite a number of youth ministers. I was glad to represent The Church.
One thing the Swede pastor (blonde!) Joakim preached really struck me, he said "Young people who are destined to commit suicide will not commit suicide." I just went to a talk on mental illness and demonization, and depressed people who are not on medication, a high percentage will eventually commit suicide. Christians believe there is a suicide spirit behind this, and it seems to be getting stronger. To me, anything, be it mental illness, work, relationships, anything that takes you further from God and hinders your joy in life is definitely not of the Lord. Looking at the young people worship God in CStone Church, I still don't have a heartbeat for them, nooooo. But I know I can help. And I want to. The road ahead is not easy and I've been crying out to God for more people to help me along. I just need everyone to put in a bit for Christ.
It pains me to see people just overwhelmed by the world. And maybe they will say to me, 'But you don't understand, your work is not like mine, your world, your life is so easy, compared to mine.' And maybe they are right, maybe I don't understand. And it's not easy to understand my position either. Stepping out in faith and planting cells, who asked me to? And I do have doubts. But looking at the way God has grown us without us really stressing over it, we can't deny it's the hand of God upon us. I just hope that we will have the ability to trust God more. That no matter what we are facing or feeling, we can find the strength to look to Him.
I was overwhelmed by my feelings today. One thing about me is that I don't allow myself to think too much, or to cry. Sometimes I think until I get so physically tired I have psychosomatic fatigue and just cannot get out of bed. And I'm still having many questions for God. Sometimes when you are hurting inside so much, you wonder why God still tells you to reach someone for Him. How come you can still talk to people despite the fact that everything's not ok.
It was raining heavily this morning. After Church, cold, with soggy feet drenched by the downpour, Zero and I were just talking about the 'song in our head', a song that is put into us spiritually, and it just hums along as we go about in life. For him, it was the song, 'Come Holy Spirit, fall on me now...I need your anointing, come in your power' and we just sang it softly, over and over again, together, while walking along the pavement with the branches alongside the long road to the bus stop and the cars on the other side.
I'm reaching for your heart
You hold my life in your hands
Drawing me closer to You
I feel your power renew
Nothing compares to this place
Where I can see you face to face
I worship you
In Spirit and in truth
One line by one line, we continued singing the song, softly, wholeheartedly; till we reached the destination.
It's the small moments like this when I realise that God is with us, and He is helping me through.
Am all fired up in faith to reach out to my community, my age group... my generation. I've always had a passion to bring more to church, bring more to the gospel. Somehow, I don't have the fear that grips most in asking people, even strangers to church. By a sheer coincidental meeting, I met Christian, who is a youth worker with Heart Church located near The Church. And, last friday, attended a meet with quite a number of youth ministers. I was glad to represent The Church.
One thing the Swede pastor (blonde!) Joakim preached really struck me, he said "Young people who are destined to commit suicide will not commit suicide." I just went to a talk on mental illness and demonization, and depressed people who are not on medication, a high percentage will eventually commit suicide. Christians believe there is a suicide spirit behind this, and it seems to be getting stronger. To me, anything, be it mental illness, work, relationships, anything that takes you further from God and hinders your joy in life is definitely not of the Lord. Looking at the young people worship God in CStone Church, I still don't have a heartbeat for them, nooooo. But I know I can help. And I want to. The road ahead is not easy and I've been crying out to God for more people to help me along. I just need everyone to put in a bit for Christ.
It pains me to see people just overwhelmed by the world. And maybe they will say to me, 'But you don't understand, your work is not like mine, your world, your life is so easy, compared to mine.' And maybe they are right, maybe I don't understand. And it's not easy to understand my position either. Stepping out in faith and planting cells, who asked me to? And I do have doubts. But looking at the way God has grown us without us really stressing over it, we can't deny it's the hand of God upon us. I just hope that we will have the ability to trust God more. That no matter what we are facing or feeling, we can find the strength to look to Him.
I was overwhelmed by my feelings today. One thing about me is that I don't allow myself to think too much, or to cry. Sometimes I think until I get so physically tired I have psychosomatic fatigue and just cannot get out of bed. And I'm still having many questions for God. Sometimes when you are hurting inside so much, you wonder why God still tells you to reach someone for Him. How come you can still talk to people despite the fact that everything's not ok.
It was raining heavily this morning. After Church, cold, with soggy feet drenched by the downpour, Zero and I were just talking about the 'song in our head', a song that is put into us spiritually, and it just hums along as we go about in life. For him, it was the song, 'Come Holy Spirit, fall on me now...I need your anointing, come in your power' and we just sang it softly, over and over again, together, while walking along the pavement with the branches alongside the long road to the bus stop and the cars on the other side.
I'm reaching for your heart
You hold my life in your hands
Drawing me closer to You
I feel your power renew
Nothing compares to this place
Where I can see you face to face
I worship you
In Spirit and in truth
One line by one line, we continued singing the song, softly, wholeheartedly; till we reached the destination.
It's the small moments like this when I realise that God is with us, and He is helping me through.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
listen
Listen to the song here in my heart, a melody I start but can't complete
Listen to the sound from deep within, Its only beginning to find release
Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen
Listen...
I am alone at a crossroads, I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried, To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you, You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened
-Beyonce, Dreamgirls Movie, 'Listen'
I try, to learn to understand people and help people understand themselves.
==
Met Creampuff for lunch today. We try to meet every week. I'm becoming addicted to the food at his workplace really. It's a foodcourt - a place I don't usually have lunch at, but the standard of the food there is really good. Well, at least for the 2 stalls I always eat at. I am glad that there are some people I can meet every week in my life. Starting next week, I'd be seeing Zero every week too.
There are some people in life whom you meet and almost instantly you are 'tuned in' to the person. Creampuff has been avidly listening to my life tales since Day One when we started chatting at a boring Expo. Juice, Kylie's friend, also has been in tune. It's nice to have some people who sincerely wants to listen to you, though I'm afraid I'm usually boring them to death. Just listening to me talk about life and theirs, too. I'm glad that through everything that happened, I found friends I can really trust. I'm glad for a weekly lunch chat out of The Office. And colleagues who are nice and really care about building relationships. I look at some people, working so hard, OT and more OT all the time, it really drains them. And they are left with no time and no energy to build real relationships. I'm glad that part of my job is to build relationships - though that's pretty draining too!
It's nice to share the ups and downs with people you trust. I think it's partly because they also value the relationship that they have with you. For me, I won't build up a relationship with a person who is obsessed with work all the time. It just shows in their attitude towards others. A healthy work-life balance is essential. I do like to work, but I get fatigued easily, so, I guess listening to my body and accepting rest when it's needed.
I never realised people really cared in our society... but they do, without words. Sometimes, just an email, or a walk down a lonely street together with someone who's hurting shows you care enough to make the difference. People will come and go. But there are some friends that stay, for a lifetime. What makes you that lifetime friend?
Listen to the sound from deep within, Its only beginning to find release
Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen
Listen...
I am alone at a crossroads, I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried, To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you, You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened
-Beyonce, Dreamgirls Movie, 'Listen'
I try, to learn to understand people and help people understand themselves.
==
Met Creampuff for lunch today. We try to meet every week. I'm becoming addicted to the food at his workplace really. It's a foodcourt - a place I don't usually have lunch at, but the standard of the food there is really good. Well, at least for the 2 stalls I always eat at. I am glad that there are some people I can meet every week in my life. Starting next week, I'd be seeing Zero every week too.
There are some people in life whom you meet and almost instantly you are 'tuned in' to the person. Creampuff has been avidly listening to my life tales since Day One when we started chatting at a boring Expo. Juice, Kylie's friend, also has been in tune. It's nice to have some people who sincerely wants to listen to you, though I'm afraid I'm usually boring them to death. Just listening to me talk about life and theirs, too. I'm glad that through everything that happened, I found friends I can really trust. I'm glad for a weekly lunch chat out of The Office. And colleagues who are nice and really care about building relationships. I look at some people, working so hard, OT and more OT all the time, it really drains them. And they are left with no time and no energy to build real relationships. I'm glad that part of my job is to build relationships - though that's pretty draining too!
It's nice to share the ups and downs with people you trust. I think it's partly because they also value the relationship that they have with you. For me, I won't build up a relationship with a person who is obsessed with work all the time. It just shows in their attitude towards others. A healthy work-life balance is essential. I do like to work, but I get fatigued easily, so, I guess listening to my body and accepting rest when it's needed.
I never realised people really cared in our society... but they do, without words. Sometimes, just an email, or a walk down a lonely street together with someone who's hurting shows you care enough to make the difference. People will come and go. But there are some friends that stay, for a lifetime. What makes you that lifetime friend?
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
long term commitment
Hmmm.
I just made a long-term commitment over the weekend.
It's nice to be there, for a friend.
==
Been having intermittent sleep, wonder if it's the result of eating cheap mooncakes. I like snowskin ones and green tea flavored ones. Those who don't want, please pass me theirs... I can eat mooncakes for dinner! Ha. But I refuse to buy the pricey ones, the price this year up by almost 100% due to the strict control of salted duck eggs. Heck, I didn't even know those were duck eggs. Why is it only duck eggs can be salted and preserved? Also bought lanterns, small ones with red LED lights installed with a press on, at the bottom red tassle. No more candles! Although when we were young, playing with candles and setting our lanterns on fire were part of the celebration.
Many thoughts running through my mind, which probably contributes to the continual tiredness I feel. Better soon! In a while.
I realize I have good friends like Zero and Fangjie. And Grant, of course. Dear, dear people. So, I'm also making a commitment back to be a good-er friend to them. So one year later, my commitment ends.
One year! It's a long time... but all things work out for those who love Him.
I just made a long-term commitment over the weekend.
It's nice to be there, for a friend.
==
Been having intermittent sleep, wonder if it's the result of eating cheap mooncakes. I like snowskin ones and green tea flavored ones. Those who don't want, please pass me theirs... I can eat mooncakes for dinner! Ha. But I refuse to buy the pricey ones, the price this year up by almost 100% due to the strict control of salted duck eggs. Heck, I didn't even know those were duck eggs. Why is it only duck eggs can be salted and preserved? Also bought lanterns, small ones with red LED lights installed with a press on, at the bottom red tassle. No more candles! Although when we were young, playing with candles and setting our lanterns on fire were part of the celebration.
Many thoughts running through my mind, which probably contributes to the continual tiredness I feel. Better soon! In a while.
I realize I have good friends like Zero and Fangjie. And Grant, of course. Dear, dear people. So, I'm also making a commitment back to be a good-er friend to them. So one year later, my commitment ends.
One year! It's a long time... but all things work out for those who love Him.
Monday, September 17, 2007
psalms 34:18
My self esteem should be based on my quality of character - my ability to love and be loved. -Paul Meier, Blue Genes
How do you explain a love that has no explanation? - John Ortberg, Love Beyond Reason, spiritedly's current fave christian pastor/author.
Psalms 34:18.
Is there is such a thing as praying 'too much' for something to happen?
==
There are always lots of questions in my mind, because I question the relativity of truth, and causes for emotional hurts, behaviors and reactions, the answers come. So when I see someone I've been close with do something that is hurtful, I ask.
I need to find out, to understand.
What is your love based on, if you do not even try to understand the person?
Each day, I remember things. Flashbacks to certain places we've been. Things he said. The food we ate. Sometimes I am angry at the things he said to me, and perhaps, others in his life who have loved him, too. Sometimes I am sad. I realise how sad I was when I realise how happy I am now. Simple outings which turn into long drawn arguments, and tiring meanderings uncalled for. I am angry at myself for wanting to be approved by him, for just quietly accepting the things he said, for not refusing to talk until I'm so tired... I am angry because this is not the way things should be. But I don't blame him. He cannot help it. Sure, he will get angry at me too. And maybe he will, if he doesn't understand that I am trying to help him. Despite all his refutes, I think he wants me to.
When someone who is nit-picky and has possible obsessions with cleanliness tell you that your hair dropped all over his room after one dining experience, would you:
a)get angry and scold him
b)apologize for the hair
c)try to understand the basis of what he is saying, and observe, and help?
Don't you think that because the person tells you this, he also is telling you, in a certain way, that he needs your help in his life? That hey, please take note that this is not a 'normal' behavior... that I only dare to share these with you... that I need you to tell me this is not acceptable to you?
In Life, we are faced with choices everyday.
We can choose to ignore this cry for help and pretend everything is alright. Anyway, Life still goes on.
But, I am also affected emotionally by this. And the 'deepness' of the way I am affected shows that this is not just a simple thing. The myriad of emotions I feel fascinates and scares me, because I am never like that, and have never been. Of course, looking on the bright side, there are good times. Like how your life is like a weepy korean drama, and realising that you have good friends to be your safety net, after all.
How do you explain a love that has no explanation? - John Ortberg, Love Beyond Reason, spiritedly's current fave christian pastor/author.
Psalms 34:18.
Is there is such a thing as praying 'too much' for something to happen?
==
There are always lots of questions in my mind, because I question the relativity of truth, and causes for emotional hurts, behaviors and reactions, the answers come. So when I see someone I've been close with do something that is hurtful, I ask.
I need to find out, to understand.
What is your love based on, if you do not even try to understand the person?
Each day, I remember things. Flashbacks to certain places we've been. Things he said. The food we ate. Sometimes I am angry at the things he said to me, and perhaps, others in his life who have loved him, too. Sometimes I am sad. I realise how sad I was when I realise how happy I am now. Simple outings which turn into long drawn arguments, and tiring meanderings uncalled for. I am angry at myself for wanting to be approved by him, for just quietly accepting the things he said, for not refusing to talk until I'm so tired... I am angry because this is not the way things should be. But I don't blame him. He cannot help it. Sure, he will get angry at me too. And maybe he will, if he doesn't understand that I am trying to help him. Despite all his refutes, I think he wants me to.
When someone who is nit-picky and has possible obsessions with cleanliness tell you that your hair dropped all over his room after one dining experience, would you:
a)get angry and scold him
b)apologize for the hair
c)try to understand the basis of what he is saying, and observe, and help?
Don't you think that because the person tells you this, he also is telling you, in a certain way, that he needs your help in his life? That hey, please take note that this is not a 'normal' behavior... that I only dare to share these with you... that I need you to tell me this is not acceptable to you?
In Life, we are faced with choices everyday.
We can choose to ignore this cry for help and pretend everything is alright. Anyway, Life still goes on.
But, I am also affected emotionally by this. And the 'deepness' of the way I am affected shows that this is not just a simple thing. The myriad of emotions I feel fascinates and scares me, because I am never like that, and have never been. Of course, looking on the bright side, there are good times. Like how your life is like a weepy korean drama, and realising that you have good friends to be your safety net, after all.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
phantom
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. -G.K. Chesterton
John Ortberg, in "Love Beyond Reason" wrote
"When can I get the courage to stop hiding? When I am loved.
In Phantom of the Opera, the phantom wears a mask to hide his horribly disfigured face. He lives in the bowels of the old opera house, to cloak his presence and bitter misdeeds. But the woman Christine touches his heart.
At the climax of the story, his mask is removed. In that moment he chooses to be known, to be seen. He knows that his face is hideous; he waits for her to scream in terror, but she does not. Her heart is moved by compassion and pity.
She does not turn away. She gently kisses his scarred face.
And her love changes him, at least a little.
He is able to let her go, to give her her freedom even though he knows it is the end of his dream. When he was able to stop hiding for a moment, he could be known and loved as he was, even in all his difigurement.
First the mask must come off. Then love can penetrate the heart."
Along the way, I've learnt to be brave. You know, I never really thought that feelings were important, that they were only there for me as a process of understanding, of knowing myself. But I've learnt to confront my fears. To live, fully - I've always believed in being sincere, in being truthful, in being trustworthy. And I've learnt to be stronger in what I believe in.
Though things may not look bright now, and I face the greatest fear of all - of losing you, I stand firmly by what I believe in. God will help us through.
I know that my feelings will last.
One week later, one month later...one year later. I know that it will still be there. Perhaps that will mean that I will lose all I've dreamed of.
But to love, I must be strong. I have to be brave. And I must be firm.
Not just for me. For us.
I know why you cannot love me.
I know letting go means letting God take care of it.
Muffin, God will take care of us.
John Ortberg, in "Love Beyond Reason" wrote
"When can I get the courage to stop hiding? When I am loved.
In Phantom of the Opera, the phantom wears a mask to hide his horribly disfigured face. He lives in the bowels of the old opera house, to cloak his presence and bitter misdeeds. But the woman Christine touches his heart.
At the climax of the story, his mask is removed. In that moment he chooses to be known, to be seen. He knows that his face is hideous; he waits for her to scream in terror, but she does not. Her heart is moved by compassion and pity.
She does not turn away. She gently kisses his scarred face.
And her love changes him, at least a little.
He is able to let her go, to give her her freedom even though he knows it is the end of his dream. When he was able to stop hiding for a moment, he could be known and loved as he was, even in all his difigurement.
First the mask must come off. Then love can penetrate the heart."
Along the way, I've learnt to be brave. You know, I never really thought that feelings were important, that they were only there for me as a process of understanding, of knowing myself. But I've learnt to confront my fears. To live, fully - I've always believed in being sincere, in being truthful, in being trustworthy. And I've learnt to be stronger in what I believe in.
Though things may not look bright now, and I face the greatest fear of all - of losing you, I stand firmly by what I believe in. God will help us through.
I know that my feelings will last.
One week later, one month later...one year later. I know that it will still be there. Perhaps that will mean that I will lose all I've dreamed of.
But to love, I must be strong. I have to be brave. And I must be firm.
Not just for me. For us.
I know why you cannot love me.
I know letting go means letting God take care of it.
Muffin, God will take care of us.
Monday, September 10, 2007
i must be firm
Do you have to let it linger? - Cranberries
Will be selling almost all my books away on yahoo! auctions and the upcoming flea marts, my annual book clearance sale. Have listed some today, my nickname is spiritedlychic.
I've never had a strong attachment to physical things. Even dresses or watches I like, I don't really take care of them.
That is why now I am so disturbed in my spirit that I have formed a deep emotional attachment to someone.
It's been said to me that all problems we have are caused by ourselves.
Zero, you were right. I must be firm. In order to help others, I have to help myself, too.
When I feel sad, I cry. It's only natural.
I have always been in touch with my emotions.
But lately, have been supressing them.
So I don't cry. I burst. For 5 seconds. And stop.
It is in my inherent nature to care for people. I don't know why I've formed such a deep bond with this one. And even though I am still hopeful, that things will work out for the good of those who love God, I am skeptical as well.
Because I know myself.
And I know him.
And I know some parts of ourselves, we are never really able to change.
Despites the promises we make to each other.
==
Either you care too much, or you don't care at all, so which do you think I prefer?
I'm sorry, I just hate that things turn out this way.
Will be selling almost all my books away on yahoo! auctions and the upcoming flea marts, my annual book clearance sale. Have listed some today, my nickname is spiritedlychic.
I've never had a strong attachment to physical things. Even dresses or watches I like, I don't really take care of them.
That is why now I am so disturbed in my spirit that I have formed a deep emotional attachment to someone.
It's been said to me that all problems we have are caused by ourselves.
Zero, you were right. I must be firm. In order to help others, I have to help myself, too.
When I feel sad, I cry. It's only natural.
I have always been in touch with my emotions.
But lately, have been supressing them.
So I don't cry. I burst. For 5 seconds. And stop.
It is in my inherent nature to care for people. I don't know why I've formed such a deep bond with this one. And even though I am still hopeful, that things will work out for the good of those who love God, I am skeptical as well.
Because I know myself.
And I know him.
And I know some parts of ourselves, we are never really able to change.
Despites the promises we make to each other.
==
Either you care too much, or you don't care at all, so which do you think I prefer?
I'm sorry, I just hate that things turn out this way.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
mbti career options
These are my optimal career options based on my personality profile:
Photographer - hmm, explains why I take such good photos. Heh.
Marketing Professional - agreed.
Journalist - also agreed.
Actor - did have some interest in acting when I was younger, so... agreed!
Commputer Systems Analyst - nah!
Credit Investigator - sounds interesting.
Physician - agreed. have an unhealthy obsession with medicine labels
Psychiatry - isit the chinese one ...
Constructin Worker - haha!
mechanical Engineer - hahaha!
Public Relations Worker - ok this career is passable
Artist or Entertainer - one day... my chance to shine will come...
Research Worker - yeah I will love this as long as I can talk while working
Electrician - haha!
Lawyer - was my childhood ambition. guess we all knew what we wanted...
Management Consultant - would love this!
General Consultant - Generals will consult me?
Corporate Executive Manager - sounds nice. any headhunter wants me?
Restaurant Worker - would like this too if not for my high iq
Computer Operations, Systems analyst - nope
Electronic Technician - nope
Aeronautical Engineer - nope. though I can communicate well with engineers
Writer - YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Corrections Officer - nope
Child Care Worker - nope
Sales Manager - agreed... on the way there
Psychodrama Therapist - erm, sounds scary
Electrical Engineering Technician - nope
Biology Scientist - nope
Farmer - yes, actually would like this too. u guys always laugh when i say i want to live on a farm, humpf no one understands...
Dental Assistant - noooooo..
Lawyer or Judge - yeah both sounds fantastic! i mean the income not the job...
Personnel Relations Worker - ok
Life Scientist - erm, manufacture life?
Financial Manager - yup
Speech Pathologist - nope... no patience for this one
Helath Education - so-so
Human Resources Planner - no interest either!
Medical Assistant - agreed
Science Technician - nope
Respiratory Therapist - ??? revive people daily? I hope not.
Crisis Counselor - Can do. Am thinker enough. But tiring job though.
Real Estate Agent/Broker - yup.
Psychologist - Have an obsession with psychological disorders too...
Attorney Administration - can do.
Insurance Agent/Broker - no way!
Musician - not enough talent here
Minister - hmmmmm...
Student Personnel Administration(college) - would like this job i think!
So there. 32 out of 49. Well these are just options, in case I'd like a switch. You don't spend your whole life doing something you don't like you know. But I happen to love my jobs.
Meanwhile for those who need to know, take the test online!
It will help in all areas of your life I'm sure of it.
http://www.personality-power-for-everyday-living.com/Myers-Briggs-Personality-Test.html cut and paste please
cheers
Photographer - hmm, explains why I take such good photos. Heh.
Marketing Professional - agreed.
Journalist - also agreed.
Actor - did have some interest in acting when I was younger, so... agreed!
Commputer Systems Analyst - nah!
Credit Investigator - sounds interesting.
Physician - agreed. have an unhealthy obsession with medicine labels
Psychiatry - isit the chinese one ...
Constructin Worker - haha!
mechanical Engineer - hahaha!
Public Relations Worker - ok this career is passable
Artist or Entertainer - one day... my chance to shine will come...
Research Worker - yeah I will love this as long as I can talk while working
Electrician - haha!
Lawyer - was my childhood ambition. guess we all knew what we wanted...
Management Consultant - would love this!
General Consultant - Generals will consult me?
Corporate Executive Manager - sounds nice. any headhunter wants me?
Restaurant Worker - would like this too if not for my high iq
Computer Operations, Systems analyst - nope
Electronic Technician - nope
Aeronautical Engineer - nope. though I can communicate well with engineers
Writer - YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Corrections Officer - nope
Child Care Worker - nope
Sales Manager - agreed... on the way there
Psychodrama Therapist - erm, sounds scary
Electrical Engineering Technician - nope
Biology Scientist - nope
Farmer - yes, actually would like this too. u guys always laugh when i say i want to live on a farm, humpf no one understands...
Dental Assistant - noooooo..
Lawyer or Judge - yeah both sounds fantastic! i mean the income not the job...
Personnel Relations Worker - ok
Life Scientist - erm, manufacture life?
Financial Manager - yup
Speech Pathologist - nope... no patience for this one
Helath Education - so-so
Human Resources Planner - no interest either!
Medical Assistant - agreed
Science Technician - nope
Respiratory Therapist - ??? revive people daily? I hope not.
Crisis Counselor - Can do. Am thinker enough. But tiring job though.
Real Estate Agent/Broker - yup.
Psychologist - Have an obsession with psychological disorders too...
Attorney Administration - can do.
Insurance Agent/Broker - no way!
Musician - not enough talent here
Minister - hmmmmm...
Student Personnel Administration(college) - would like this job i think!
So there. 32 out of 49. Well these are just options, in case I'd like a switch. You don't spend your whole life doing something you don't like you know. But I happen to love my jobs.
Meanwhile for those who need to know, take the test online!
It will help in all areas of your life I'm sure of it.
http://www.personality-power-for-everyday-living.com/Myers-Briggs-Personality-Test.html cut and paste please
cheers
Monday, September 03, 2007
herbalife campaign
One of my original designs for Herbalife's Generation H campaign. Used in Singapore and Malaysia. They eventually chose the other one I had designed. Once in a while, I design stuff...
Where matters of the heart are concerned, the heart calls for sincerity.
What a contrast from the world in which we live in; a world that does not value honesty. This world values good looks - but not too good - if you are as good looking as Zero, you are often hated, just because of the way you look. You must be good looking, but not TOO good. Like too much of a good thing, unfortunately it often backfires on him, and also on his friendships because he can never be certain if the person's concern for him is genuine.
For the rest of us who are not blessed/cursed with supermodel looks, thank God.
Few of us care to admit it, but we are changed by the people we fall in love with.
Even though the person is very similar to you. And definitely if the person is your exact total opposite, something I've failed to realise. Because in trying to make him more like yourself, you are asking him to make you more like him, and in doing so, both may lose their sense of self and the reason why they love each other in the first place. Such are the fragilities of love.
I've thought about it and, yes, I have to admit, I have been changed. Very much so. For the better. At the time of my life when I felt like I was slipping away and no one really cared, God placed an angel in my life to safeguard me from all of Life's worries.
And then the angel shared some of Life's adventures with me. If you ask me how this story works out, I honestly do not know. Inevitably, or strangely, unlike myself, I find myself developing unusual feelings. Sigh. It's been a long time now. Sometimes I wonder if I was not here and vice versa, would things still be like this, or somehow our lives would never have entwined, never have had the chance to meet, and clash, like iron sharpens iron, like a catalyst of two different substances, sparking each other? I wonder if God has a hand in all of this and I know He does. It's tough for me, being me. I have to surrender, to release these feelings to God everyday. It's not that I don't want it, but I don't want to do things that are not in His will again. For now, and forever till the day I die, I want to live, free, in God's will, God's best plan for my life. Hopelessly devoted.
It's an urban legend that 'thinkers' don't know what they are feeling, or don't cry, or don't have much feelings.
What a contrast from the world in which we live in; a world that does not value honesty. This world values good looks - but not too good - if you are as good looking as Zero, you are often hated, just because of the way you look. You must be good looking, but not TOO good. Like too much of a good thing, unfortunately it often backfires on him, and also on his friendships because he can never be certain if the person's concern for him is genuine.
For the rest of us who are not blessed/cursed with supermodel looks, thank God.
Few of us care to admit it, but we are changed by the people we fall in love with.
Even though the person is very similar to you. And definitely if the person is your exact total opposite, something I've failed to realise. Because in trying to make him more like yourself, you are asking him to make you more like him, and in doing so, both may lose their sense of self and the reason why they love each other in the first place. Such are the fragilities of love.
I've thought about it and, yes, I have to admit, I have been changed. Very much so. For the better. At the time of my life when I felt like I was slipping away and no one really cared, God placed an angel in my life to safeguard me from all of Life's worries.
And then the angel shared some of Life's adventures with me. If you ask me how this story works out, I honestly do not know. Inevitably, or strangely, unlike myself, I find myself developing unusual feelings. Sigh. It's been a long time now. Sometimes I wonder if I was not here and vice versa, would things still be like this, or somehow our lives would never have entwined, never have had the chance to meet, and clash, like iron sharpens iron, like a catalyst of two different substances, sparking each other? I wonder if God has a hand in all of this and I know He does. It's tough for me, being me. I have to surrender, to release these feelings to God everyday. It's not that I don't want it, but I don't want to do things that are not in His will again. For now, and forever till the day I die, I want to live, free, in God's will, God's best plan for my life. Hopelessly devoted.
It's an urban legend that 'thinkers' don't know what they are feeling, or don't cry, or don't have much feelings.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
goodbye muffin
We cannot expect things to stay the same. While it is nice to savor the memories, at times like this it may be wiser to do something about it.
A long silence means the end of a chapter.
I've heard all I wanted to hear, already.
A long silence means I just need to be alone for a while.
To think about stuff. To reflect on everything. You know.
After all that has been said and done, I realised that perhaps, I care too much and this brings the downfall of an otherwise happy 'working' relationship. I couldn't ask for more (and I won't, so...) Celebrate Life.
Sometimes we are better off standing at a certain place and watching the world go by.
==
Because of the recent turn of events I find myself shopping incessantly. Well, at least I 'palm' down all my expenses immediately so that I can see how much I've spent within a day. But actually this doesn't work as I don't feel guilty about it at all. It's just a number. Like how I've spent a three digit number on sunday and a two digit one yesterday. Retail liberates.
But for other things I've been quite penny pinching. So it should all work out just fine. For those who have the shopping bug, though here are some new tips from me. And also a 'note-to-self'.
1. If you absolutely have to be at a shopping centre,
(waiting for a friend, eating dinner etc)... go to a bookstore, or a supermarket. Not much unnecessary splurges there - unless you are like me, I never buy one book alone. Must get a 'friend' for it, too. =(
2. Don't bring 'too much' cash, you will feel rich, too rich. Don't carry credit. Just a debit one. It does work.
3. Bring a small branded bag so you won't feel tempted to buy any clothes...
4. Eat full. Somehow when you are hungry you will buy more things. Also when it's raining.
5. Make a list of what you need and don't deviate from it. Then again, make sure your list is not too long.
6. When in suburban areas, don't feel tempted to check out the shops on the second level up. The best places not to shop at are level one and the basement floors.
7. Only buy certain things on sale. I absolutely only buy underwear and footwear and bigger ticket items like cameras, big bags, handphones etc on sale. That way, I feel that it's more justified and can afford upper scale brands for the former.
8. Always save more than you spend. (Tough, but stick to it and you'd be rich one day.)
A long silence means the end of a chapter.
I've heard all I wanted to hear, already.
A long silence means I just need to be alone for a while.
To think about stuff. To reflect on everything. You know.
After all that has been said and done, I realised that perhaps, I care too much and this brings the downfall of an otherwise happy 'working' relationship. I couldn't ask for more (and I won't, so...) Celebrate Life.
Sometimes we are better off standing at a certain place and watching the world go by.
==
Because of the recent turn of events I find myself shopping incessantly. Well, at least I 'palm' down all my expenses immediately so that I can see how much I've spent within a day. But actually this doesn't work as I don't feel guilty about it at all. It's just a number. Like how I've spent a three digit number on sunday and a two digit one yesterday. Retail liberates.
But for other things I've been quite penny pinching. So it should all work out just fine. For those who have the shopping bug, though here are some new tips from me. And also a 'note-to-self'.
1. If you absolutely have to be at a shopping centre,
(waiting for a friend, eating dinner etc)... go to a bookstore, or a supermarket. Not much unnecessary splurges there - unless you are like me, I never buy one book alone. Must get a 'friend' for it, too. =(
2. Don't bring 'too much' cash, you will feel rich, too rich. Don't carry credit. Just a debit one. It does work.
3. Bring a small branded bag so you won't feel tempted to buy any clothes...
4. Eat full. Somehow when you are hungry you will buy more things. Also when it's raining.
5. Make a list of what you need and don't deviate from it. Then again, make sure your list is not too long.
6. When in suburban areas, don't feel tempted to check out the shops on the second level up. The best places not to shop at are level one and the basement floors.
7. Only buy certain things on sale. I absolutely only buy underwear and footwear and bigger ticket items like cameras, big bags, handphones etc on sale. That way, I feel that it's more justified and can afford upper scale brands for the former.
8. Always save more than you spend. (Tough, but stick to it and you'd be rich one day.)
Thursday, August 23, 2007
A new generation...
I am inspired. Hearing today about the New Generation youth movement that is widespread around Europe reaching youths for Christ in schools. The concept is simple. Just share with your classmates about your faith. Tell your friends!
And I'm going to play a part in making it happen in Singapore. With God's grace. I am so excited in my Spirit that I know instantly God is wanting me to do this.
Next door to Norway, New Generation started in Sweden, at a youth conference in 2001. With the encouragement of New Generation leaders from Norway, the Swedes ran quickly with the concept, growing in under two years to 3,400 members from every denomination in 230 groups in 19 of 21 Swedish counties, and more than 10% of all schools. Lundqvist says the growth continues. Across Scandinavia there are now more than 13,000 members in just Denmark, Norway and Sweden.
“Our goal in Sweden is to take present Jesus to every student, every year.” he says. “School is where everyone is. The whole coming society is there. New Generation is just now in one out of every ten schools. Our goal is to see New Generation in every school."
And it speaks to me also because I have a heart for Sweden. Swede youths, too. =)
Please read it even if this is the only website you go to today.
http://www.nwwc.net/nygeneration/english.htm
I am inspired. Hearing today about the New Generation youth movement that is widespread around Europe reaching youths for Christ in schools. The concept is simple. Just share with your classmates about your faith. Tell your friends!
And I'm going to play a part in making it happen in Singapore. With God's grace. I am so excited in my Spirit that I know instantly God is wanting me to do this.
Next door to Norway, New Generation started in Sweden, at a youth conference in 2001. With the encouragement of New Generation leaders from Norway, the Swedes ran quickly with the concept, growing in under two years to 3,400 members from every denomination in 230 groups in 19 of 21 Swedish counties, and more than 10% of all schools. Lundqvist says the growth continues. Across Scandinavia there are now more than 13,000 members in just Denmark, Norway and Sweden.
“Our goal in Sweden is to take present Jesus to every student, every year.” he says. “School is where everyone is. The whole coming society is there. New Generation is just now in one out of every ten schools. Our goal is to see New Generation in every school."
And it speaks to me also because I have a heart for Sweden. Swede youths, too. =)
Please read it even if this is the only website you go to today.
http://www.nwwc.net/nygeneration/english.htm
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
ts eliot
Liberty is a different kind of pain from prison.
In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
Love is most nearly itself when here and now cease to matter.
You are the music while the music lasts.
We do not quite say that the new is more valuable because it fits in; but its fitting in is a test of its value -- a test, it is true, which can only be slowly and cautiously applied, for we are none of us infallible judges of conformity.
1888-1965. Thomas Stearns Eliot. American-English poet, playwright, literary critic, and editor, a leader of the modernist movement.
In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
Love is most nearly itself when here and now cease to matter.
You are the music while the music lasts.
We do not quite say that the new is more valuable because it fits in; but its fitting in is a test of its value -- a test, it is true, which can only be slowly and cautiously applied, for we are none of us infallible judges of conformity.
1888-1965. Thomas Stearns Eliot. American-English poet, playwright, literary critic, and editor, a leader of the modernist movement.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Trying to Forget
short story
There comes a certain point of time in life when you realize that everything is just a façade, that nobody really cares if you have enough of yourself to last the whole month, or that if that fifty dollar bill in your wallet is supposed to take you through.
And while you can subsist on that, you listen, again, to your parents quarrelling, and tell yourself you will not let yourself get to that stage in your life.
But, perhaps, you already have.
And you lie in bed at night, tossing, turning, wondering if all the past sins you have done in your short life will come back and haunt you one day, or…or, not. And you weave dreams that can almost be believed in, if you did not have to wake up eventually and go to the monotony that is work, the next day. And the next , and the next. Until it is the weekend, again. So you weave dreams. You are not just an ordinary man trying to thrive in an environment that does not distinguish your abilities as worthy of value. For in this island the only value is the ability to make money and nothing else.
There are always ups and downs in life. I pray that when you are on an uptrend, you will not forget me. People are fickle, I know. I am, too. After all, we only seek out our friends when we need help, when we need to confide in them, or when we are bored. Sad but true, the schedules we adhere our lives to does not make room for the possibility of cultivating love between people. Only cultivate emotional bonds during downtimes. During uptimes, we forget, too easily. We forget that we had the fever, once and laugh at people who fall sick too easily. We forget that it takes more than a listening ear to bond with another person. It takes an open heart. And out of spite, or maybe pride, we fail to give the ones in our life who matters most our love, and our time. And then somehow later, we miss them. We wonder what has happened to us. Sure, we have more than a few fifty dollar bills in our pockets now. Maybe even enough to start thinking of getting a car, or a cute little minivan that is diesel powered.
But when you lie in bed at night, you know. You remember, somehow. Something that reminds you of them. Maybe you coincidentally come across their name in the Bible. Or you bump into someone who looks like them. So you tell yourself, it is up to you. That you have to try. No matter what it takes, all humans hearts have the inherent capacity for love. Give more of it, realize that you have even more left. If you want to do something great for God one day, start small. Believe in yourself. That no matter how difficult it is, you can thrive.
I am just an ordinary girl. For all my life, I had wanted to blend in. Not to be outstanding. Just average. Doing a simple job, having a simple life. I understand why people want to be outstanding. But do you understand why I want to be average?
I try to be funny sometimes, to make people laugh because I believe there is too much sadness in the world. So why add on to others' troubles, their issues, their complexes. I try, to understand the human psyche. Sometimes I think I know it very well. Other times I just can't be sure.
I appear incoherent at times although I am fully aware of my thoughts and feelings. Well, maybe not as fully as others with high emotional intelligence. I think it is difficult to surrender to God's will. Like William Wiberforce, I struggle at times. I have deep intellectual debates in my soul. And my expression takes on the world-weary, the haunted look of those fighting for their survival. How I wish I can just skip through life blithely, knowing God loves me and I Him and all is well within my soul. My blitheness at times is not a front though, I am truly at peace when I leave my mind at rest. Do you understand the turmoil within my heart? That now, I am letting go. Not because I don't care. I care too much. Is that a crime? To you it probably is. But to me, i identify with it more because of what happened before. But I've learnt from before. That letting go means staying free. It is not as if I do not care about the outcome, but to me, the outcome is not as important as what lies within. I scare myself with the intensity of my emotions. Its so much of a torture that many times I ask God to take it away from me. Not my will. Not my heart. And to release others who are in the same predicament.
To live in the will of God is more than what I could ask for. I think its important not to give up on yourself, even though you have failed in the areas you most wanted success. For me, maybe I gave up a long time ago. And I was not able to pick up the pieces, just trying to forget the pain.
It's never easy to look back at life and realize how it is, how he has blessed me.
short story
There comes a certain point of time in life when you realize that everything is just a façade, that nobody really cares if you have enough of yourself to last the whole month, or that if that fifty dollar bill in your wallet is supposed to take you through.
And while you can subsist on that, you listen, again, to your parents quarrelling, and tell yourself you will not let yourself get to that stage in your life.
But, perhaps, you already have.
And you lie in bed at night, tossing, turning, wondering if all the past sins you have done in your short life will come back and haunt you one day, or…or, not. And you weave dreams that can almost be believed in, if you did not have to wake up eventually and go to the monotony that is work, the next day. And the next , and the next. Until it is the weekend, again. So you weave dreams. You are not just an ordinary man trying to thrive in an environment that does not distinguish your abilities as worthy of value. For in this island the only value is the ability to make money and nothing else.
There are always ups and downs in life. I pray that when you are on an uptrend, you will not forget me. People are fickle, I know. I am, too. After all, we only seek out our friends when we need help, when we need to confide in them, or when we are bored. Sad but true, the schedules we adhere our lives to does not make room for the possibility of cultivating love between people. Only cultivate emotional bonds during downtimes. During uptimes, we forget, too easily. We forget that we had the fever, once and laugh at people who fall sick too easily. We forget that it takes more than a listening ear to bond with another person. It takes an open heart. And out of spite, or maybe pride, we fail to give the ones in our life who matters most our love, and our time. And then somehow later, we miss them. We wonder what has happened to us. Sure, we have more than a few fifty dollar bills in our pockets now. Maybe even enough to start thinking of getting a car, or a cute little minivan that is diesel powered.
But when you lie in bed at night, you know. You remember, somehow. Something that reminds you of them. Maybe you coincidentally come across their name in the Bible. Or you bump into someone who looks like them. So you tell yourself, it is up to you. That you have to try. No matter what it takes, all humans hearts have the inherent capacity for love. Give more of it, realize that you have even more left. If you want to do something great for God one day, start small. Believe in yourself. That no matter how difficult it is, you can thrive.
I am just an ordinary girl. For all my life, I had wanted to blend in. Not to be outstanding. Just average. Doing a simple job, having a simple life. I understand why people want to be outstanding. But do you understand why I want to be average?
I try to be funny sometimes, to make people laugh because I believe there is too much sadness in the world. So why add on to others' troubles, their issues, their complexes. I try, to understand the human psyche. Sometimes I think I know it very well. Other times I just can't be sure.
I appear incoherent at times although I am fully aware of my thoughts and feelings. Well, maybe not as fully as others with high emotional intelligence. I think it is difficult to surrender to God's will. Like William Wiberforce, I struggle at times. I have deep intellectual debates in my soul. And my expression takes on the world-weary, the haunted look of those fighting for their survival. How I wish I can just skip through life blithely, knowing God loves me and I Him and all is well within my soul. My blitheness at times is not a front though, I am truly at peace when I leave my mind at rest. Do you understand the turmoil within my heart? That now, I am letting go. Not because I don't care. I care too much. Is that a crime? To you it probably is. But to me, i identify with it more because of what happened before. But I've learnt from before. That letting go means staying free. It is not as if I do not care about the outcome, but to me, the outcome is not as important as what lies within. I scare myself with the intensity of my emotions. Its so much of a torture that many times I ask God to take it away from me. Not my will. Not my heart. And to release others who are in the same predicament.
To live in the will of God is more than what I could ask for. I think its important not to give up on yourself, even though you have failed in the areas you most wanted success. For me, maybe I gave up a long time ago. And I was not able to pick up the pieces, just trying to forget the pain.
It's never easy to look back at life and realize how it is, how he has blessed me.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
letting go allegra
holding on and letting go.
Allegra realised that she had been holding on to a piece of Mark for too long. After all these years. She had heard an urban legend earlier in the week. About how saying the person's name over and over, again and again, would expel the person's presence in her life. She had no problems over saying the name of her previous paramour. Xerxes. Xerxes. Xerxes. Allegra did not feel a thing. So in this way she realised that she had been healed of her affilation with him. However, while doing the same, trying to say Mark's name, she paused. And that pause, that slight nuance that only the keenest person could distinguish; that pause; it spoke volumes. About how she had let her feelings keep her from being healed, all those years. How she had kept a skeleton in her closet; or a nail in her door that prevented Allegra from being truly Allegra, truly free. Free to love wholly. Free to live, a life without this darkness enveloping her thoughts.
Gideon, her only trusted friend, told her that she sometimes had that dark, pensive look in her eyes. So Gideon realised it too, but was unaware of the torment she inflicted upon herself all these years. It had affected her friendship with him, too. He was the closest friend in her life at this chapter who could give her back her self-respect; but she had unwittingly treated this friendship ambiguously, and it was causing herself and him so much frustration.
So Allegra knew. She knew that by letting go, she has a shot in life to live, love, and be happy which was what she always wanted. She decided to meet Mark. There was no point in avoiding him anyways. She had nothing to lose but the skeleton in her closet.
Allegra realised that she had been holding on to a piece of Mark for too long. After all these years. She had heard an urban legend earlier in the week. About how saying the person's name over and over, again and again, would expel the person's presence in her life. She had no problems over saying the name of her previous paramour. Xerxes. Xerxes. Xerxes. Allegra did not feel a thing. So in this way she realised that she had been healed of her affilation with him. However, while doing the same, trying to say Mark's name, she paused. And that pause, that slight nuance that only the keenest person could distinguish; that pause; it spoke volumes. About how she had let her feelings keep her from being healed, all those years. How she had kept a skeleton in her closet; or a nail in her door that prevented Allegra from being truly Allegra, truly free. Free to love wholly. Free to live, a life without this darkness enveloping her thoughts.
Gideon, her only trusted friend, told her that she sometimes had that dark, pensive look in her eyes. So Gideon realised it too, but was unaware of the torment she inflicted upon herself all these years. It had affected her friendship with him, too. He was the closest friend in her life at this chapter who could give her back her self-respect; but she had unwittingly treated this friendship ambiguously, and it was causing herself and him so much frustration.
So Allegra knew. She knew that by letting go, she has a shot in life to live, love, and be happy which was what she always wanted. She decided to meet Mark. There was no point in avoiding him anyways. She had nothing to lose but the skeleton in her closet.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
kuala lumpur, melaka
Travelogue. KL-Melaka, August 2007. 4 days and 3 nights. On assignment, filming a pilot for my new business venture,
Was glad to revisit the places I knew and liked from my first backpacking trip almost 5 years ago. Felt like a black and white mood, so here are some shots of the place, from my perspective. =)
Petronas Twin Towers was once the tallest building in the world. By Argentinian architect Cesar Pelli, it really brightens up the whole city skyline. You have to see it at night, really beautiful and I think Malaysians have every right to be proud of this building.
==
We took the train from Tanjong Pagar Rail Station (S$34 for the normal ticket), directly to KL. Was fun at first because I've never taken a train out of the country before. But the long journey was tiring and I think taking the bus would be a better option.
Almost like a boutique hotel, the Number Eight Guesthouse on Jln Tingkat Tong Shin is such a wonderful respite from the dusty roads and broken pavements of the busy KL city. A night here is just not enough. Love the artsy decor, and the black and white phoots on the wall. Inspired.
Having breakfast at a Roti Canai shop near the guesthouse. I have fond memories of this place as 5 years ago, I was traveling on a shoestring budget, with my best friend, and we sort of under calculated our food and transport budget. So, poor us, we had to eat prata for breakfast every day. This place has the best banana prata. I don't really like banana food thingys but the sweet and juicy, overripe bananas matched with fresh roti canai really makes a mouthwatering breakfast. I wish I had more appetite to try all the food, but was having a horrid throat inflammation. Same roti canai, the way it was 5 years ago. Some things never change, especially in not-so-fast growing cities. That's one of the things I like about Malaysia especially Melaka, there is a sense of familiarity as you visit places you remembered in your childhood. Because they don't just knock down things or change management. And I like that, having a sense of nolstagia in the places you visit. There was a construction site having about 7 storeys already built up when I was last here. Now, it's... ...still a construction site. We saw several uncompleted projects while traversing across KL. We will definitely never have this situation in Singapore.
Reading the Lonely Planet "Malaysia, Singapore and Brunei", current edition. I must say that Lonely Planet is great for travellers to South East Asia. We stayed at two places they listed and it was exactly like it described. I think I will buy the guide to Thailand next...
Nice, CLEAN beds. This is not a 'posed photo', like all my other shots, candid. The glasses were really placed there by Travel Buddy. I thought that this shot was quite interesting.
We had an infestation of bedbugs in the first guesthouse, The Green Hut. Usually, for hotels, if you spot a bedbug, you can scream at the management and they will give you the night free. But our guesthouse was full, though we changed rooms. However the other one had, too. Travel Buddy was seriously bitten all over with more than 20. I however, got only one or two currently (Maybe my reaction time is slow, I'm giving it a few more days.) Most of the time we won't encounter these, but twice in KL is rather unfortunate. Most Singaporeans don't understand my horror when I see bedbugs, it looks like a cute, small, brown critter... But the bites are horrid. Looks and feels like mossies at first, they itch lik crazy for 2 weeks or so and will leave some black marks on your skin that doesn't fade for months. We caught one that 'had its fill', it was round with Travel Buddy's blood. Killed it and the blood just oozed out. I'm not as terrified by leeches or bees but bedbugs are really not good. Worse, when we went to the second guesthouse, we found at least a couple following us. So I'm not sure if we infested the places we went. Bedbug carriers.
There is this urban legend that I believe that if you don't say bedbugs and don't talk about it during trips they don't disturb you. Well, Travel Buddy made me talk about bedbugs for the assignment which I really didn't want to talk about it. Bleah. And look at him now, covered with bites. We talked to some European backpackers, none of them had it while in KL. So there.
One of my 'comfort foods' in Malaysia is at Secret Recipe, we saw them in KL at almost every shopping centre and some even had more than one. I have to have the black pepper lamb pie here. Also, the cheesecakes. Cheap? Yeah, RM $5.50 which is less than S$2.50 (our exchange rate is GOOD). We had like 6 slices... Not in a single day, of course.
Pasar Seni or Central Market is also a place to visit in KL. I am happy with the postcards I found there. Yay! Saw this pushcart selling tees with local themes, I found it amusing. Especially, 'Keep Malaysia clean, Throw your rubbish in Singapore.'
Eh, some sort of subliminal propoganda?
Went to Bangsar. Nice watering holes for angmohs there, sort of like a Singapore Holland Village. I love the squarish look effect and gunmetal colored tiles (my current favorite color) of their ladies' loo, and the mirror gives it an additional oomph.
Walking on the way back to the guesthouse, took a fancy to this stone lion and the numbered house along Jln Tingkat Tong Shin. I love old, colonial-esque buildings like these. Always wanted to live in one. Big and airy. Full of old school charm, I like!
In a taxi along Jln Alor, this is a food lane walking distance to our guesthouse; almost any kind of street food available till late, usually chinese style like stir fried sweet potato leaves, cereal prawns, etc. Yeah a lot of savvy Singaporeans know about this place as well.
One of the best parts about this trip for me (Yes, besides the upside down rollercoaster ride in Berjaya Times Square) was going up the Menara Tower. We had a little time before the bus to Melaka, and walked with our backpacks (no easy feat)there. Did not plan to go up initially, but in the end we did! And it was VERY worth it! Can see the skyline view from the windows, spot the outskirts like Cheras, PJ, etc, and all the places we went to earlier.
Enroute to Melaka. A random obscure village.
Melaka has one of the best varieties of food available. Here is nyonya laksa and penang laksa. Yum.
The decor of this cendol place is amazing, and so is the cendol. Along Jonker Street. Cendol is ten times better than the best ones you can find here in sg.
One of my must-visit places, 15th century Dutch church on St Paul's Hill.
At Geographers' Cafe, situated in the heart of Jonker's night bazaar. It's a nice place to cool down after a long days' work.
The start of the night bazaar.
That's all for now.
==
Was glad to revisit the places I knew and liked from my first backpacking trip almost 5 years ago. Felt like a black and white mood, so here are some shots of the place, from my perspective. =)
Petronas Twin Towers was once the tallest building in the world. By Argentinian architect Cesar Pelli, it really brightens up the whole city skyline. You have to see it at night, really beautiful and I think Malaysians have every right to be proud of this building.
==
We took the train from Tanjong Pagar Rail Station (S$34 for the normal ticket), directly to KL. Was fun at first because I've never taken a train out of the country before. But the long journey was tiring and I think taking the bus would be a better option.
Almost like a boutique hotel, the Number Eight Guesthouse on Jln Tingkat Tong Shin is such a wonderful respite from the dusty roads and broken pavements of the busy KL city. A night here is just not enough. Love the artsy decor, and the black and white phoots on the wall. Inspired.
Having breakfast at a Roti Canai shop near the guesthouse. I have fond memories of this place as 5 years ago, I was traveling on a shoestring budget, with my best friend, and we sort of under calculated our food and transport budget. So, poor us, we had to eat prata for breakfast every day. This place has the best banana prata. I don't really like banana food thingys but the sweet and juicy, overripe bananas matched with fresh roti canai really makes a mouthwatering breakfast. I wish I had more appetite to try all the food, but was having a horrid throat inflammation. Same roti canai, the way it was 5 years ago. Some things never change, especially in not-so-fast growing cities. That's one of the things I like about Malaysia especially Melaka, there is a sense of familiarity as you visit places you remembered in your childhood. Because they don't just knock down things or change management. And I like that, having a sense of nolstagia in the places you visit. There was a construction site having about 7 storeys already built up when I was last here. Now, it's... ...still a construction site. We saw several uncompleted projects while traversing across KL. We will definitely never have this situation in Singapore.
Reading the Lonely Planet "Malaysia, Singapore and Brunei", current edition. I must say that Lonely Planet is great for travellers to South East Asia. We stayed at two places they listed and it was exactly like it described. I think I will buy the guide to Thailand next...
Nice, CLEAN beds. This is not a 'posed photo', like all my other shots, candid. The glasses were really placed there by Travel Buddy. I thought that this shot was quite interesting.
We had an infestation of bedbugs in the first guesthouse, The Green Hut. Usually, for hotels, if you spot a bedbug, you can scream at the management and they will give you the night free. But our guesthouse was full, though we changed rooms. However the other one had, too. Travel Buddy was seriously bitten all over with more than 20. I however, got only one or two currently (Maybe my reaction time is slow, I'm giving it a few more days.) Most of the time we won't encounter these, but twice in KL is rather unfortunate. Most Singaporeans don't understand my horror when I see bedbugs, it looks like a cute, small, brown critter... But the bites are horrid. Looks and feels like mossies at first, they itch lik crazy for 2 weeks or so and will leave some black marks on your skin that doesn't fade for months. We caught one that 'had its fill', it was round with Travel Buddy's blood. Killed it and the blood just oozed out. I'm not as terrified by leeches or bees but bedbugs are really not good. Worse, when we went to the second guesthouse, we found at least a couple following us. So I'm not sure if we infested the places we went. Bedbug carriers.
There is this urban legend that I believe that if you don't say bedbugs and don't talk about it during trips they don't disturb you. Well, Travel Buddy made me talk about bedbugs for the assignment which I really didn't want to talk about it. Bleah. And look at him now, covered with bites. We talked to some European backpackers, none of them had it while in KL. So there.
One of my 'comfort foods' in Malaysia is at Secret Recipe, we saw them in KL at almost every shopping centre and some even had more than one. I have to have the black pepper lamb pie here. Also, the cheesecakes. Cheap? Yeah, RM $5.50 which is less than S$2.50 (our exchange rate is GOOD). We had like 6 slices... Not in a single day, of course.
Pasar Seni or Central Market is also a place to visit in KL. I am happy with the postcards I found there. Yay! Saw this pushcart selling tees with local themes, I found it amusing. Especially, 'Keep Malaysia clean, Throw your rubbish in Singapore.'
Eh, some sort of subliminal propoganda?
Went to Bangsar. Nice watering holes for angmohs there, sort of like a Singapore Holland Village. I love the squarish look effect and gunmetal colored tiles (my current favorite color) of their ladies' loo, and the mirror gives it an additional oomph.
Walking on the way back to the guesthouse, took a fancy to this stone lion and the numbered house along Jln Tingkat Tong Shin. I love old, colonial-esque buildings like these. Always wanted to live in one. Big and airy. Full of old school charm, I like!
In a taxi along Jln Alor, this is a food lane walking distance to our guesthouse; almost any kind of street food available till late, usually chinese style like stir fried sweet potato leaves, cereal prawns, etc. Yeah a lot of savvy Singaporeans know about this place as well.
One of the best parts about this trip for me (Yes, besides the upside down rollercoaster ride in Berjaya Times Square) was going up the Menara Tower. We had a little time before the bus to Melaka, and walked with our backpacks (no easy feat)there. Did not plan to go up initially, but in the end we did! And it was VERY worth it! Can see the skyline view from the windows, spot the outskirts like Cheras, PJ, etc, and all the places we went to earlier.
Enroute to Melaka. A random obscure village.
Melaka has one of the best varieties of food available. Here is nyonya laksa and penang laksa. Yum.
The decor of this cendol place is amazing, and so is the cendol. Along Jonker Street. Cendol is ten times better than the best ones you can find here in sg.
One of my must-visit places, 15th century Dutch church on St Paul's Hill.
At Geographers' Cafe, situated in the heart of Jonker's night bazaar. It's a nice place to cool down after a long days' work.
The start of the night bazaar.
That's all for now.
==
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Oblivion
Another 'curse' of the highly intelligent.
SOMETIMES ITS BETTER TO REMAIN IN OBLIVION!!!
One of Spiritedly's theories is that highly intelligent people don't need to sleep a lot, that is why, more hours awake means they can read stuff, watch tv and just expand their brain matter while they are not in dreamland...
Which means Spiritedly is not really highly intelligent because, eh, I need to sleep a lot. Hey my job is not just about drinking frappes at Starbucks and showing people photos of land, okay. It's tiring to talk all the time and walk from place to place. A full day gets me really exhausted. Yup. I sleep at least 8 hours to make up for it. Sleeping more makes you slimmer too. You don't eat as many meals and you don't get as hungry. (I don't think that correlates to highly intelligent people being slightly fatter, but hey, that's a thought worth socioeconomizing.)
Actually sometimes it's fun acting dumb. =) Sometimes, its fun when I'm not acting, too. See how many times Muffin can roll his eyes at me.
==
I believe in intentional oblivion.
It seems simpler sometimes not to keep asking God, "Why!?!" (Sometimes I ask God, "WTH!@#$$!%%!" heh heh) and be in the Doris Day mode. Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be. So it will be.
In Singaporeanized terms. "WHY LIKE THIS? WHY LIKE THAT?" "LIKE THAT, LOR." With an air of nonchalance that the 'lor' permeated explains everything, neccesitates all semblances of questions to a minimal sense of being like the woody texture on a tree, or that newspapers are always sized newspaper size. Like that, lor.
Sigh.
If we keep questioning things, we will one day go crazy, or else find that our heads are consumed by thoughts that we no longer seem to be in this world.
But sometimes when feelings overwhelm you, it's good to keep questioning. Yes! Keep on doing it, in a godly manner of course. Contemplate why do we have such desires or strong emotions about certain people, certain places, certain situations. A well-thought out life is a better life.
And sometimes I think my thoughts are all written on my face. I think I show a look of guilt at times if people can read my mind. Heh. Not that I am a sexual deviant or something, I just think hilarious thoughts about people and situations and people being in situations sometimes, I just snigger to myself. Or laugh out loud, if I am in a generous mood.
But if we think about too much things, it makes us worrisome as well. Like what's the next step. Am I doing it right this time? What do I say next? And... I think, it somehow makes us lose our sense of self. It's far better to just relax and enjoy the simple things in Life, sometimes. Debates are for philosophers. Internal debates are for people with deep thoughts on their mind, like me. Haha!
I really want to ask God, how would I know whether a feeling is real, that it will last, and whether it's mutual or are we all just playing a game, showing a facade, refusing to let ourselves go because it seems the more mature and godly thing to do?
Some feelings last a long time but it seems the wiser choice to let it go.
Still, one can't help but wonder, 'what if'.
Life is too short to have too many 'what ifs' to contemplate. That way, we are not really living, only thinking. The story plays out in our minds, but it is a sad story if it does not beckon reality to envelop it.
So I wonder. And wait. And pray.
==
What the age needs is not a genius - it has had geniuses enough, but a martyr, who in order to teach men to obey would himself be obedient unto death. What the age needs is awakening. And therefore someday, not only my writings but my whole life, all the intriguing mystery of the machine will be studied and studied. I never forget how God helps me and it is therefore my last wish that everything may be to his honour.
– Søren Kierkegaard, 20 Nov 1847.
SOMETIMES ITS BETTER TO REMAIN IN OBLIVION!!!
One of Spiritedly's theories is that highly intelligent people don't need to sleep a lot, that is why, more hours awake means they can read stuff, watch tv and just expand their brain matter while they are not in dreamland...
Which means Spiritedly is not really highly intelligent because, eh, I need to sleep a lot. Hey my job is not just about drinking frappes at Starbucks and showing people photos of land, okay. It's tiring to talk all the time and walk from place to place. A full day gets me really exhausted. Yup. I sleep at least 8 hours to make up for it. Sleeping more makes you slimmer too. You don't eat as many meals and you don't get as hungry. (I don't think that correlates to highly intelligent people being slightly fatter, but hey, that's a thought worth socioeconomizing.)
Actually sometimes it's fun acting dumb. =) Sometimes, its fun when I'm not acting, too. See how many times Muffin can roll his eyes at me.
==
I believe in intentional oblivion.
It seems simpler sometimes not to keep asking God, "Why!?!" (Sometimes I ask God, "WTH!@#$$!%%!" heh heh) and be in the Doris Day mode. Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be. So it will be.
In Singaporeanized terms. "WHY LIKE THIS? WHY LIKE THAT?" "LIKE THAT, LOR." With an air of nonchalance that the 'lor' permeated explains everything, neccesitates all semblances of questions to a minimal sense of being like the woody texture on a tree, or that newspapers are always sized newspaper size. Like that, lor.
Sigh.
If we keep questioning things, we will one day go crazy, or else find that our heads are consumed by thoughts that we no longer seem to be in this world.
But sometimes when feelings overwhelm you, it's good to keep questioning. Yes! Keep on doing it, in a godly manner of course. Contemplate why do we have such desires or strong emotions about certain people, certain places, certain situations. A well-thought out life is a better life.
And sometimes I think my thoughts are all written on my face. I think I show a look of guilt at times if people can read my mind. Heh. Not that I am a sexual deviant or something, I just think hilarious thoughts about people and situations and people being in situations sometimes, I just snigger to myself. Or laugh out loud, if I am in a generous mood.
But if we think about too much things, it makes us worrisome as well. Like what's the next step. Am I doing it right this time? What do I say next? And... I think, it somehow makes us lose our sense of self. It's far better to just relax and enjoy the simple things in Life, sometimes. Debates are for philosophers. Internal debates are for people with deep thoughts on their mind, like me. Haha!
I really want to ask God, how would I know whether a feeling is real, that it will last, and whether it's mutual or are we all just playing a game, showing a facade, refusing to let ourselves go because it seems the more mature and godly thing to do?
Some feelings last a long time but it seems the wiser choice to let it go.
Still, one can't help but wonder, 'what if'.
Life is too short to have too many 'what ifs' to contemplate. That way, we are not really living, only thinking. The story plays out in our minds, but it is a sad story if it does not beckon reality to envelop it.
So I wonder. And wait. And pray.
==
What the age needs is not a genius - it has had geniuses enough, but a martyr, who in order to teach men to obey would himself be obedient unto death. What the age needs is awakening. And therefore someday, not only my writings but my whole life, all the intriguing mystery of the machine will be studied and studied. I never forget how God helps me and it is therefore my last wish that everything may be to his honour.
– Søren Kierkegaard, 20 Nov 1847.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
long line photos
Going through some photo blogs and found one with an interesting concept, "Long Lines".
The objective of this is to photograph photos with a line in the middle and crop it into a square.
Well, sifted through some old photos I took and here's one of a Long Line.
See the rest of some interesting Long Line shots at www.flickr.com/photos/steffe/sets/765607/detail/
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
allegra and mark, the neverending saga
Allegra saw Mark again. Just a glimpse of him, that all-too familiar blue shirt, sort of like the ones he always wore... Come to think of it, she never saw him wearing anything else other than polo tees and short sleeved shirts with buttons. She averted her gaze and did not even glance at him, wishing fervently that he had not seen her, did not want to talk to her again, or catch up with her. She had been in a moody sort of way recently. No, not like the other girls, always wanting to talk about their love lives, their romances, flings and likings. Allegra did not want to talk about it.
Why did something that could have brought so much joy also bring so much pain? Yet how come some people seem so happy in love, and when they fall out of if, easily find another paramour of their desires?
No one really understood what went on between Allegra and Mark. Not even Grant, blessed with high emotional intelligence and the innate ability to perceive people's complexes and issues at first meeting. Perhaps, not even Allegra herself understood. Because she had thought that she would have never liked Mark. Not even have the slightest inclination to talk to him at a social event. Mark looked bored, uninspiring, sure; he had a promising future and was rich to boot. But unfortunately he looked staid and unimpressive, with languid bearish eyes that seemed sad at the sides. But it was also those sad eyes and staid looks that drew her to Mark. At a time in her life when it seemed that all she had worked for was not really what she had wanted, and her life was in chaos, he seemed to be the only semblance of normalcy in her whirlwind. There he was, offering to just spend time with her, following her around happily, as if it was his delight to do so. She didn't realise that by allowing him to do so, she had unwittingly allowed him into her life.
And seeing Mark reminded her of the missed shot at love that they had both not allowed each other to have. Now, facing the same situation, would she have the guts to tell the guy she really wanted him...would she dare to say that she was sure about this one?
Why did something that could have brought so much joy also bring so much pain? Yet how come some people seem so happy in love, and when they fall out of if, easily find another paramour of their desires?
No one really understood what went on between Allegra and Mark. Not even Grant, blessed with high emotional intelligence and the innate ability to perceive people's complexes and issues at first meeting. Perhaps, not even Allegra herself understood. Because she had thought that she would have never liked Mark. Not even have the slightest inclination to talk to him at a social event. Mark looked bored, uninspiring, sure; he had a promising future and was rich to boot. But unfortunately he looked staid and unimpressive, with languid bearish eyes that seemed sad at the sides. But it was also those sad eyes and staid looks that drew her to Mark. At a time in her life when it seemed that all she had worked for was not really what she had wanted, and her life was in chaos, he seemed to be the only semblance of normalcy in her whirlwind. There he was, offering to just spend time with her, following her around happily, as if it was his delight to do so. She didn't realise that by allowing him to do so, she had unwittingly allowed him into her life.
And seeing Mark reminded her of the missed shot at love that they had both not allowed each other to have. Now, facing the same situation, would she have the guts to tell the guy she really wanted him...would she dare to say that she was sure about this one?
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
risk taker
"Why do you have mood swings? How come you can be so enthusiastic over something and lose all interest the next moment? How come you can be so crazy over a person one minute and the waters become so mysteriously still the next?" ----Kie, 'A Heart, Treasured & Divided'
I guess by asking ourselves questions every day, we sort out our thinking and be a little more mature in our actions and behavior.
I just thought that, it's true, every one of us has something to look forward to at the end of it all: death.
No matter which primary school we came from, how much we bring in every month, whether we speak 7 different languages fluently or just one; each of us are in the same predicament.
We are all going to die.
And none of us knows WHEN.
I'm a risk taker. Planting cells when no one asked me to, not even God (Well at least I didn't hear any divine voice for the first one.)
Working in sales, selling something that is extremely difficult to sell in Singapore. But I survived. And will keep going on.
Opening my heart to someone who may not be worth it because he has so many issues of his own that I can't seem to understand.
But I've learnt, so much more about myself, that it seems that suddenly, overnight, I finally understood the meaning of being wise.
Why not take risks when you are young? Why not invest in stocks? Seem risky? So you will never invest? Why not go to church? Because you are scared that once you go, you will be changed? What's so scary about that. Why you can work overtime and not come for cell or prayer meeting? Is that little bit of extra cash so important, more important than your spiritual life?
I'm a risk taker. Although to me it seems that there are more rewards when you take risks.
If I had never took a step out and came to Trinity Church, I would have never had the chance to become a leader in my old one.
If I never planted the first cell, I would have never planted the next one. And what would happen to those people?
If I had never joined this job I would never have clients and would never been able to bring them to church.
If.
No one can tell us the answer when we take risks. No one can predict whether the US $ will rise to 1.54 this week or drop to 1.51. If I can, hey, give me your millions and I can make your money grow.
But living life without IFs is not living a life at all. You may consider yourself a robot, not having feelings, so the possibility of loving someone and being hurt is zero. Would you like that?
A life without meaning is a life without love.
I'm a risk taker. Although to me, it makes more sense to live the life I've always wanted than to look at others', and wonder why I don't seem to have what they have.
I don't really understand the people who have worked hard for years and yet achieved nothing. I think I don't really work hard, yet I've achieved much. Being here, in this place (though most of the time I'd like to be somewhere else) in this job, in this spiritual arena, has taught me to 'be a better person'. In Chinese, they call it, how to 'zuo ren.' (Be a (real?) person.) The Chinese meaning signifies a person of integrity. Not just any other person out there in the street. But a person of influence, a person who knows how to act, how to think. Mature, intelligent, capable, and kind and compassionate.
So would you like to learn how to be a (real)person?
You begin to write your own story, chart your own course. Listen to your heart. Breathe in the goodness of life. And see people as Jesus saw them. Forget about their attire, or their skin color, or whatever irks you. Begin to focus on the right things. Begin to make friends just like you did in kindergarten. Remember then? We were friends with everyone, mainly because we felt like there was a bond, something that took place almost immediately. And these friends became a shelter for us, from the big world. We took pride in our similarities and were fascinated by our differences. Never lose your innocence in finding friends. Or forgetting who you really are, taking off the identity of your #first place in class when you were primary one, and then the identities we were made to be defined by in our society. Good at English. Not so good at Math. The arty-farty type. The rebellious type. The designer type. The top student type. The salesperson type. The cell leader type. Take it all away and all you have is... YOU. And if you want to learn more about what God can do in your life, you have to take risks. Leaving your identity is a risk. Travelling alone at 19 is a risk. Changing job industries is a risk. Investing in stocks is a risk. Yet some never do it, and some are ridiculed for stepping out, for being different by those others (sadly, the majority of our prideful, selfish world.)
So how?
You can choose to worry about the IFs or just stay there, no one needs you to step out anyway. (Except yourself.)
==
Pastor Bae Hyeong-gyu, kidnapped and killed, by the Taleban.
The male South Korean victim was found with 10 bullet holes in his head, chest and stomach in the Mushaki area of Qarabagh district in Ghazni Province, the region where 23 South Koreans were kidnapped last week, said Abdul Rahman, a police officer.
Taliban say they have killed second South Korean hostage
-31 July 2007 0049 hrs, CNA.
The militia killed one of the Koreans named Sung Sin with AK-47 gunshots at 1:00 a.m. in Korean time, the spokesman said.
The victim is believed to be Sim Sung-min, 28. The spokesman said the militia dumped the body in the Qarabagh district of the Ghazni province.
He is the second victim after the leader of the 23 church volunteers, Pastor Hyung-kyu, 42, was shot dead last Wednesday. Bae's body arrived in Seoul late Monday.
-NHK
Make your life here on earth count for the things that matter.
And please stop criticizing people who are risk takers.
I guess by asking ourselves questions every day, we sort out our thinking and be a little more mature in our actions and behavior.
I just thought that, it's true, every one of us has something to look forward to at the end of it all: death.
No matter which primary school we came from, how much we bring in every month, whether we speak 7 different languages fluently or just one; each of us are in the same predicament.
We are all going to die.
And none of us knows WHEN.
I'm a risk taker. Planting cells when no one asked me to, not even God (Well at least I didn't hear any divine voice for the first one.)
Working in sales, selling something that is extremely difficult to sell in Singapore. But I survived. And will keep going on.
Opening my heart to someone who may not be worth it because he has so many issues of his own that I can't seem to understand.
But I've learnt, so much more about myself, that it seems that suddenly, overnight, I finally understood the meaning of being wise.
Why not take risks when you are young? Why not invest in stocks? Seem risky? So you will never invest? Why not go to church? Because you are scared that once you go, you will be changed? What's so scary about that. Why you can work overtime and not come for cell or prayer meeting? Is that little bit of extra cash so important, more important than your spiritual life?
I'm a risk taker. Although to me it seems that there are more rewards when you take risks.
If I had never took a step out and came to Trinity Church, I would have never had the chance to become a leader in my old one.
If I never planted the first cell, I would have never planted the next one. And what would happen to those people?
If I had never joined this job I would never have clients and would never been able to bring them to church.
If.
No one can tell us the answer when we take risks. No one can predict whether the US $ will rise to 1.54 this week or drop to 1.51. If I can, hey, give me your millions and I can make your money grow.
But living life without IFs is not living a life at all. You may consider yourself a robot, not having feelings, so the possibility of loving someone and being hurt is zero. Would you like that?
A life without meaning is a life without love.
I'm a risk taker. Although to me, it makes more sense to live the life I've always wanted than to look at others', and wonder why I don't seem to have what they have.
I don't really understand the people who have worked hard for years and yet achieved nothing. I think I don't really work hard, yet I've achieved much. Being here, in this place (though most of the time I'd like to be somewhere else) in this job, in this spiritual arena, has taught me to 'be a better person'. In Chinese, they call it, how to 'zuo ren.' (Be a (real?) person.) The Chinese meaning signifies a person of integrity. Not just any other person out there in the street. But a person of influence, a person who knows how to act, how to think. Mature, intelligent, capable, and kind and compassionate.
So would you like to learn how to be a (real)person?
You begin to write your own story, chart your own course. Listen to your heart. Breathe in the goodness of life. And see people as Jesus saw them. Forget about their attire, or their skin color, or whatever irks you. Begin to focus on the right things. Begin to make friends just like you did in kindergarten. Remember then? We were friends with everyone, mainly because we felt like there was a bond, something that took place almost immediately. And these friends became a shelter for us, from the big world. We took pride in our similarities and were fascinated by our differences. Never lose your innocence in finding friends. Or forgetting who you really are, taking off the identity of your #first place in class when you were primary one, and then the identities we were made to be defined by in our society. Good at English. Not so good at Math. The arty-farty type. The rebellious type. The designer type. The top student type. The salesperson type. The cell leader type. Take it all away and all you have is... YOU. And if you want to learn more about what God can do in your life, you have to take risks. Leaving your identity is a risk. Travelling alone at 19 is a risk. Changing job industries is a risk. Investing in stocks is a risk. Yet some never do it, and some are ridiculed for stepping out, for being different by those others (sadly, the majority of our prideful, selfish world.)
So how?
You can choose to worry about the IFs or just stay there, no one needs you to step out anyway. (Except yourself.)
==
Pastor Bae Hyeong-gyu, kidnapped and killed, by the Taleban.
The male South Korean victim was found with 10 bullet holes in his head, chest and stomach in the Mushaki area of Qarabagh district in Ghazni Province, the region where 23 South Koreans were kidnapped last week, said Abdul Rahman, a police officer.
Taliban say they have killed second South Korean hostage
-31 July 2007 0049 hrs, CNA.
The militia killed one of the Koreans named Sung Sin with AK-47 gunshots at 1:00 a.m. in Korean time, the spokesman said.
The victim is believed to be Sim Sung-min, 28. The spokesman said the militia dumped the body in the Qarabagh district of the Ghazni province.
He is the second victim after the leader of the 23 church volunteers, Pastor Hyung-kyu, 42, was shot dead last Wednesday. Bae's body arrived in Seoul late Monday.
-NHK
Make your life here on earth count for the things that matter.
And please stop criticizing people who are risk takers.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
articles on relationships
recommended reading
I read a short article about relationships/dating almost daily - to improve my EQ and communication skills both in work and interpersonally, also, to learn how to write humorously.
These articles, from award winning writers will prove to be an entertaining read with nuggets for thought, too.
So while Spiritedly takes a break from writing and focuses on more spiritual matters, here goes. (Erm, have to 'cut and paste' in new browser, arh...)
Where I want to go on a date
By Lori Gottlieb and Kevin Bleyer
http://.msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7197&menuid=6&lid=419
10 bad first-date moves…By Bill Keith
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=8083&menuid=9&lid=429
Dating tall women… (hilarious!!!!!!!!)
By Kevin Bleyer
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7703&menuid=6&lid=418
Surviving your first big fight
By Kimberly Dawn Neumann
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7207&menuid=6&lid=429
Dating a younger woman
By Michael Kramer
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7756&menuid=6&lid=429
When your date has bad manners
By Orlando Lima
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?trackingId=516068&ArticleID=5994&lid=455
Christian advice...
Dealing with loneliness
By Margot Carmichael Lester
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7418&menuid=8&lid=419
How to be a good catch
By Jennifer Derryberry Mann
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7593&menuid=8&lid=419
Let’s talk about sex
By Margot Carmichael Lester
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7718&menuid=8&lid=419
Celebrating your celibacy
By Margot Carmichael Lester
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7720&menuid=8&lid=419
And some on health/workout/exercise:
Shrink Yourself: Say Goodbye to Emotional Eating
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100166042
Exercising in Segments Helps Burn Fat
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100166818
Lifting Weights to Lose Weight?
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100164486
8 Healthier Food Picks
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100166834
5 Food Fixes for Flat Abs
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100164552
Happy reading... =)
I read a short article about relationships/dating almost daily - to improve my EQ and communication skills both in work and interpersonally, also, to learn how to write humorously.
These articles, from award winning writers will prove to be an entertaining read with nuggets for thought, too.
So while Spiritedly takes a break from writing and focuses on more spiritual matters, here goes. (Erm, have to 'cut and paste' in new browser, arh...)
Where I want to go on a date
By Lori Gottlieb and Kevin Bleyer
http://.msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7197&menuid=6&lid=419
10 bad first-date moves…By Bill Keith
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=8083&menuid=9&lid=429
Dating tall women… (hilarious!!!!!!!!)
By Kevin Bleyer
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7703&menuid=6&lid=418
Surviving your first big fight
By Kimberly Dawn Neumann
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7207&menuid=6&lid=429
Dating a younger woman
By Michael Kramer
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7756&menuid=6&lid=429
When your date has bad manners
By Orlando Lima
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?trackingId=516068&ArticleID=5994&lid=455
Christian advice...
Dealing with loneliness
By Margot Carmichael Lester
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7418&menuid=8&lid=419
How to be a good catch
By Jennifer Derryberry Mann
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7593&menuid=8&lid=419
Let’s talk about sex
By Margot Carmichael Lester
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7718&menuid=8&lid=419
Celebrating your celibacy
By Margot Carmichael Lester
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7720&menuid=8&lid=419
And some on health/workout/exercise:
Shrink Yourself: Say Goodbye to Emotional Eating
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100166042
Exercising in Segments Helps Burn Fat
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100166818
Lifting Weights to Lose Weight?
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100164486
8 Healthier Food Picks
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100166834
5 Food Fixes for Flat Abs
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100164552
Happy reading... =)
Monday, July 23, 2007
Allegra: Mark's return
Thanks Jelly for the advice today. And the beautiful night out. Same situation, different plans. All I can say is that I'm glad you're strong enough to make it happen.
Thanks Grant for the listening ear. One day I want to be like you.
And C.Puff, we are so alike in thinking that it amazes me. I love the way we laugh. Let's not let our past bad experiences dampen our innocence and joy in finding new experiences to share. I'm glad I met you.
==
'You've lost some weight', was all Allegra could say when she looked at him. He was with her. Chatting over tea till she innocently walked past their table, not realizing Mark was there. Allegra was the other woman, someone his parents liked very much when they had not - did not - realise the subtle nuances that was between - had been - their friendship, of sorts.
It seemed like she had been here for too long. She barely thought of him now, not ever, even, at times. So it was strange when about a week ago, she had a sudden thought of him. "I came back last week." Mark was talking to her, her mind was in a whirl. What could she say? 'Yeah, I somehow sensed you were back.' And with a sudden realisation that she could not say anything to him - choked up, suddenly mindful of the deep memories they shared - she just looked into his eyes and saw the same expression that was there all the while, those same eyes that she had looked into for three whole months when they saw each other everyday. And could not get enough of talking to each other, spending time with each other, just being in each other's presence. Allegra saw Mark as a tree, always constant. Not boring, but stable. Just there for support. She needed support. She really needed support.
Before he left, he bought her a lime green icecream scooper. She just mentioned that her house was lacking in one. And he got her one the next day, as a little reminder he heard, and he knew. Allegra couldn't bear to use that lime green icecream scooper. It was just a sweet reminder of his presence in her life.
And when he left, when he was in that country, the country which could accept her post-college application, because her degree was from that country too, and she had graduated with top honours from that programme, just that she felt that studying the Masters' was too expensive... When he was in that country, he had to walk past 'her school'. The school of her dreams. Where studying there had been a dream for years, a distant distant dream, and now, with her grades, she was able to make it there, just that she did not want to pursue this path now, that she had 'given up' on this dream, just for this moment.
Allegra told herself that one day, she would build a city, with her husband, building another one. She would buy a car for her husband. And she would set up a global retail chain. And buy a carpark. It was her lifetime goals. And she felt, with a tinge of pain in her heart, that it would also be one of her lifetime regrets that she never studied in the school of her dreams - Central St Martins. And Mark, privileged Mark, whose Mom was heading an insurance company; had it set. He was there to study law. While Allegra was here to eke out a living.
These years passed by, just too fast.
Allegra never forgot that Mark told her he prayed for her every single day he walked past St Martins.
Every single day.
And she still kept that lime green icecream scooper like a silly little girl hoping for a childhood fantasy to come true, just holding on to that icecream scooper as though it held more significance that what it was meant to be.
She thought that she had forgotten about him. His notes to her tucked away in a metal cupboard with her God journals. So was the icecream scooper. No photos, she hated the way she looked like during that time. That awkward phase of a girl turning into a woman. Sometimes she wore her arty farty clothes. And her hair was always in a mess. It's neater now. Much neater. She knew against her better judgement to keep in contact with him. So after a few lengthy emails, she asked him to stop. Just stop. Don't ask me why. I would like it this way. Like a sturdy tree, Mark never sensed the turmoil in her heart. Or at least, if he did, he showed no indication. He was able to withstand the storm. But not her. She wished intensely that it had been different, that they had met each other earlier. Allegra knew he had no love for her. He never mentioned her until later, later, after Allegra had inexplicably fallen for him. It was said that the notion of 'marrying for love' only came about in this century or so. But it seemed horrid to Allegra that today, people marry out of loyalty to their families, already inextricably entwined by their union and their wealth.
And it seemed to Allegra that life wasn't meant to be that way.
After those years, she realised many things.
And she thought that she had forgotten about his existence, too.
It rained later that night. It hadn't rained for days. But that night, there was a violent squall. The wind was piercing cold and the raindrops felt like ice on her cold hands. Allegra knew it would rain. Because God always sent rain when she was sad.
Friday, July 20, 2007
the wishing tree
Wish. I want to grow a wishing tree.
One of my earliest childhood memories is walking along a rough pavement, shaded by leafy trees; picking saga seeds to put on my playdoh, walking somewhere along Sentosa. I guess that is why I still have an afinity to beaches and parks and open spaces, for there is where I spent my happy times in my childhood.
I remember playing super-soaker with my male neighbours. We formed a gang, meeting up to play at the open space in the middle of our block. Flats aren't built like that anymore. I lived in a time where neighbors all left their doors open and we could borrow each other's kids' company to play in each other's houses. Fortunately for me, my Mom did not discriminate against me playing with little boys, and the boys in my neighborhood were quite well behaved, almost too geeky actually. Maybe it was the water but I only had one girl friend to play with, the rest of the babies were boys. So I learnt, from an early age, how to communicate with little boys, how to play with action figures (just throw them at each other) liking teenage mutant ninja turtles (My Barbie's first husband, sadly for her...)My childhood was a happy one. Filled with little snacks - I could eat what I liked because I remained thin; lots of ice-cream, I could choose what I liked all the time... the smells of swimming pools, linoleum floors and playdoh and the gum we used for art and craft; happy times communicating with my neighbors even though their English was limited and so was my Chinese; hanging out at the playground that had a tiled pelican we can climb up on and imagine that we are flying in its beak.
It seems an awful thought to me that childhood for most people is not like that. And knowing how Singapore is like today, I wonder, if the best for my future generations means having to live somewhere else. We are not careless about our environment, we just don't know how to speak up. We use plastic bags for everything just because we are used to it, and are unaware of a more friendly alternative. And some childhoods are distorted, fragmented, something happened to theirs to make it seem less happy.
When I look back, each day seems happy.
When I look forward, the future seems bright. Never mind that I am not saving enough for my age profile for my retirement right now. Never mind that at 19, when I imagine what myself would be like 5 years later, it is a far cry. My room still looks like a kids' room. I still cannot afford the things I thought I would. But I am happy with my life. It gives me space to think. It gives me time to sleep as much as I need. Yes, sometimes I get panic attacks. I wonder what my life would turn out to be like if I had married early, or chosen a different path to study, if my parents had chosen to stay in Oz instead of heading back. Their generation has accomplished much. It seems like there is not much my generation can. But I am happy, because I realise that I can choose to be. Even though there is emotional, financial, work stress, it is only for this moment and does not define my life.
Sometimes I know, you don't feel like trying. Just chill out, space out. And I am like that too. But it haunts me that I am not able to do what I know is in my capability to.
I cannot say that because of my happy childhood, I am a happier person. I also cannot say for sure whose life will be better just because (fill in the reason).
Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much.
Other times, I wish I could care more.
One of my earliest childhood memories is walking along a rough pavement, shaded by leafy trees; picking saga seeds to put on my playdoh, walking somewhere along Sentosa. I guess that is why I still have an afinity to beaches and parks and open spaces, for there is where I spent my happy times in my childhood.
I remember playing super-soaker with my male neighbours. We formed a gang, meeting up to play at the open space in the middle of our block. Flats aren't built like that anymore. I lived in a time where neighbors all left their doors open and we could borrow each other's kids' company to play in each other's houses. Fortunately for me, my Mom did not discriminate against me playing with little boys, and the boys in my neighborhood were quite well behaved, almost too geeky actually. Maybe it was the water but I only had one girl friend to play with, the rest of the babies were boys. So I learnt, from an early age, how to communicate with little boys, how to play with action figures (just throw them at each other) liking teenage mutant ninja turtles (My Barbie's first husband, sadly for her...)My childhood was a happy one. Filled with little snacks - I could eat what I liked because I remained thin; lots of ice-cream, I could choose what I liked all the time... the smells of swimming pools, linoleum floors and playdoh and the gum we used for art and craft; happy times communicating with my neighbors even though their English was limited and so was my Chinese; hanging out at the playground that had a tiled pelican we can climb up on and imagine that we are flying in its beak.
It seems an awful thought to me that childhood for most people is not like that. And knowing how Singapore is like today, I wonder, if the best for my future generations means having to live somewhere else. We are not careless about our environment, we just don't know how to speak up. We use plastic bags for everything just because we are used to it, and are unaware of a more friendly alternative. And some childhoods are distorted, fragmented, something happened to theirs to make it seem less happy.
When I look back, each day seems happy.
When I look forward, the future seems bright. Never mind that I am not saving enough for my age profile for my retirement right now. Never mind that at 19, when I imagine what myself would be like 5 years later, it is a far cry. My room still looks like a kids' room. I still cannot afford the things I thought I would. But I am happy with my life. It gives me space to think. It gives me time to sleep as much as I need. Yes, sometimes I get panic attacks. I wonder what my life would turn out to be like if I had married early, or chosen a different path to study, if my parents had chosen to stay in Oz instead of heading back. Their generation has accomplished much. It seems like there is not much my generation can. But I am happy, because I realise that I can choose to be. Even though there is emotional, financial, work stress, it is only for this moment and does not define my life.
Sometimes I know, you don't feel like trying. Just chill out, space out. And I am like that too. But it haunts me that I am not able to do what I know is in my capability to.
I cannot say that because of my happy childhood, I am a happier person. I also cannot say for sure whose life will be better just because (fill in the reason).
Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much.
Other times, I wish I could care more.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Friends!
Through our likes and loves; we realise...sometimes, how superficial we are. Sometimes, how we have a deep capacity in our hearts to care for someone.
I've realised I've learnt about a lot of things over the past few months. I know I keep saying that. Mostly, I've realised how to be a better person. How not to let money (or the lack of) affect my happiness quotient. How, by giving parts of yourself away, you realise you become less selfish, and hopefully, more selfless. How, human conflict taken positively only makes you better. It's no longer "What Would Jesus Do", but maybe "Do What Jesus Did", now. And that is quite fun as well, putting plans to action and seeing people become your friends faster than you've imagined, sharing a connection between two souls, you've never imagined how you can become so close to someone or let someone get so close to your soul, knowing the good parts and the bad parts, knowing too much that it incriminates you, yet frees you with the vulnerability of 'Hey, I've got my flaws too. But I choose to share them with you."
As we grow older, we realise that friends are not just about having someone to watch a movie with, or someone you can call out when you need to go shopping.
You feel that bond, the same bond that you have with the place you grew up in, the house you once lived at. The bond which lets you know that you are in a 'safety zone'.
You realise that not every meeting has to be about deep stuffs,or introspective thoughts. Some can be just to take a breather from work, looking at the bumboats passing by The Office, sipping your cappucino.
And you worry that this bond might be lost ONE DAY TOO SOON, and you worry sometimes that your friend will leave you because you have said something overboard, or seemed to not show concern in the area he needs.
Or you wonder if you seem to be too boring to him and if this friendship will lose its appeal ONE DAY TOO SOON, heading nowhere, it would have sort of dissipated, just like the numerous ones you've had. Some you wished had lasted longer. Some, once friends, now acquaintances that you wave goodbye too, knowing that waving goodbye doesn't mean anything to the both of you, because both of you are so busy, caught up in your own stuff that you hardly make eye contact anyway.
And then some friends just step into your life and you know that they will be friends. Maybe it's an instant connection. Maybe it's something deeper. But it all starts out, with an introduction, and you slowly make time for this friendship in your life. Some friendships just start out for a while and suddenly disappear. But these are the ones you know that you treasure, almost immediately. You value their perspective on life.
You feel glad that they choose to share with you even though it tires you out.
More importantly, you value the stories both share.
Stuff about learning to break up with exes and sharing a relationship with another person. Sharing how we move on, how we cope with stress, how we enjoy life. What we hope to do and want to get when we are rich. Sharing of values, ideals, and experiences. That's how the bond is formed.
Sometimes, we think we choose friends, but often, it's them who chose us.
I've realised I've learnt about a lot of things over the past few months.
Most importantly, I've learnt how to be a better friend.
Friday, July 13, 2007
folie a deux
Folie à deux
It's been said that highly intelligent people are often unhappy.
I'm sure dealing with people of a lower intelligence can be frustrating. =P
Actually through understanding your world, I am in a better position to understand my own. Even if it's only on the basis of the fact that we come from totally different worlds, hence the presumption that it would be one of the main factors why we disagree, so much, so often, and about almost everything. Spiritual agendas aside, our thought processes and the way we view life is perhaps entirely different.
Everybody has certain rules they set in their life to make sense of the world. Some are unacceptable by others, some are deemed irrational and insensible by many.
That is why maybe I don't seem to understand the seriousness of it all, I never take things that can be taken lightly seriously. I don't understand serious people because why take the humor off when a smile and a laugh is just so much better. I don't understand why you care about what people think about you or about me, spiritual aspect aside; because in my world, I never did care; and why should it be a matter of great importance, to you? To a certain extent I can never understand because I can never be you.
Life is meant to be enjoyed, the sweet simple times of just walking, or talking or a combination of daily activities which makes it nice. I enjoy walking by myself past The Bridge to The Office. I enjoy eating crab mayo wholemeal panini every week. Routines can be enjoyable and once it becomes you, it's hard to break them, or separate ourselves from them. Just the way Your Car is Your Car, in our hearts we have an infinite attachment to people, places and things and it does get us upset if we learn suddenly that that's not to be, anymore. When we get to Heaven, we would no longer have such feelings, of negativity, of suffering, of a life that is filled with worry, filled with frustration because we are made too good and too highly intelligent to make sense of the world so much that it tortures our minds and we have to form certain rules to make our Life have a semblance of normality.
No one is normal.
All my life, I've tried to fit in socially, and I can say that although I am quite adept at it, sometimes I feel like I don't understand it at all.
That is why I understand the torment you go through mentally. Though I cannot say I understand it perfectly. Understanding means living the life, walking in the footprints, relating to the psyche. How do you know I don't feel what you feel.
The curse of highly intelligent people.
If people like me sometimes wish for a simpler life, for people to just know what they are thinking and say it, what they are feeling and not psyche themselves otherwise, then maybe people like you would not wish for others to be highly intelligent - because honestly in this fallen world, looks, status(prestige that comes with money) and social standing(sportsmen) are more valued than brains and Nobel prize winners. So intelligence counts for nothing. It's a curse because people will despise you anyways. Even if you are a success, you will feel like a failure, because each time you set a top score, there will be someone smarter beating you in an instant.
I am jaded, so I ask "Why bother?" But you care, so you ask, "What did I do wrong?"
There is no wrong feelings or right feelings, just positive or negative ones. Sometimes through the disagreements, I become a better person. Because I am able to be unselfish, to put my negative feelings aside, and help both of us become stronger, wiser, and less irritating to each other. It's a blessing in itself to realise that.
To do it, that takes BRAVERY.
Folie á deux, a condition in which symptoms of a mental disorder occur simultaneously in two individuals who share a close relationship or association.
It's been said that highly intelligent people are often unhappy.
I'm sure dealing with people of a lower intelligence can be frustrating. =P
Actually through understanding your world, I am in a better position to understand my own. Even if it's only on the basis of the fact that we come from totally different worlds, hence the presumption that it would be one of the main factors why we disagree, so much, so often, and about almost everything. Spiritual agendas aside, our thought processes and the way we view life is perhaps entirely different.
Everybody has certain rules they set in their life to make sense of the world. Some are unacceptable by others, some are deemed irrational and insensible by many.
That is why maybe I don't seem to understand the seriousness of it all, I never take things that can be taken lightly seriously. I don't understand serious people because why take the humor off when a smile and a laugh is just so much better. I don't understand why you care about what people think about you or about me, spiritual aspect aside; because in my world, I never did care; and why should it be a matter of great importance, to you? To a certain extent I can never understand because I can never be you.
Life is meant to be enjoyed, the sweet simple times of just walking, or talking or a combination of daily activities which makes it nice. I enjoy walking by myself past The Bridge to The Office. I enjoy eating crab mayo wholemeal panini every week. Routines can be enjoyable and once it becomes you, it's hard to break them, or separate ourselves from them. Just the way Your Car is Your Car, in our hearts we have an infinite attachment to people, places and things and it does get us upset if we learn suddenly that that's not to be, anymore. When we get to Heaven, we would no longer have such feelings, of negativity, of suffering, of a life that is filled with worry, filled with frustration because we are made too good and too highly intelligent to make sense of the world so much that it tortures our minds and we have to form certain rules to make our Life have a semblance of normality.
No one is normal.
All my life, I've tried to fit in socially, and I can say that although I am quite adept at it, sometimes I feel like I don't understand it at all.
That is why I understand the torment you go through mentally. Though I cannot say I understand it perfectly. Understanding means living the life, walking in the footprints, relating to the psyche. How do you know I don't feel what you feel.
The curse of highly intelligent people.
If people like me sometimes wish for a simpler life, for people to just know what they are thinking and say it, what they are feeling and not psyche themselves otherwise, then maybe people like you would not wish for others to be highly intelligent - because honestly in this fallen world, looks, status(prestige that comes with money) and social standing(sportsmen) are more valued than brains and Nobel prize winners. So intelligence counts for nothing. It's a curse because people will despise you anyways. Even if you are a success, you will feel like a failure, because each time you set a top score, there will be someone smarter beating you in an instant.
I am jaded, so I ask "Why bother?" But you care, so you ask, "What did I do wrong?"
There is no wrong feelings or right feelings, just positive or negative ones. Sometimes through the disagreements, I become a better person. Because I am able to be unselfish, to put my negative feelings aside, and help both of us become stronger, wiser, and less irritating to each other. It's a blessing in itself to realise that.
To do it, that takes BRAVERY.
Folie á deux, a condition in which symptoms of a mental disorder occur simultaneously in two individuals who share a close relationship or association.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
"When US sneezes, the rest of Asia catches a cold."
There is a catalyst effect, something like a butterfly effect, in the things we do. Sometimes we do not realise it, but our words, actions, yes even feelings and thoughts have the capacity to effect certain things far greater than we've ever imagined. Without even thinking about it. Such is the power of one human being over another. If you let another person influence you so greatly, you'd either be the next success, or the next failure. Depending on who's the influencer, of course. Huntley has friends(male) who were in long-term relationships and now, recently, they have all broken up. One was in a 4-year one. The other, in a 10-year one. Seems like a really long time to me. I do wonder if they broke up out of boredom or otherwise. Well, it's been said that familiarity breeds contempt. How true. But the feelings of belonging and having someone to call your own, is a treasure in itself. I think deep down inside, everyone longs for that even though they don't want to get entangled in affairs of the heart.
Inevitably, when we are hurt by someone, we often turn to someone else for comfort. Our pets sometimes. But it doesn't talk back, it only listens. I don't want my friends to only turn to me when they need some comforting, but at the same time, I'm glad he can turn to me, rather than someone else.
Sometimes it takes that extra effort to get the catalyst effect in motion. Maybe just a few more minutes of listening, instead of worrying about your own things. Maybe just a little less sleep, and the person will be impacted for life. We all need someone to sacrifice for us. But are we also sacrificing? I think it's tiring to just take and take. Giving makes you only want to give more, and more. And if we adults cannot even learn to listen, learn to stop and value above all, human kindness and compassion, how can we learn to be adults at all? Sometimes we can learn from the way kids try to get our attention and tell us enthusiatically about their latest toys, or their day's happenings. We want to catch in the magical moment which reminds us that we once were like them - innocent, not jaded, not cynical about life, just wondering happily about every new chapter.
And I want to be like that too. If some human is too busy to cultivate a real relationship with me, it's pointless to carry on. I think somewhere along the line during their 4 years, their 10 years together, the relationship sort of stopped. When one party stops listening, he stops connecting, he stops communicating, the relationship is gone.
So each time you tell someone you are too busy to listen to him, too tired out to spend some time chatting about the day, you are losing a bit of the magic in your relationship.
You are losing the childlike capacity you have for Life's excitements. Don't forget to share with me. No matter how tired I am, I still want to be there. And I will.
There is a catalyst effect, something like a butterfly effect, in the things we do. Sometimes we do not realise it, but our words, actions, yes even feelings and thoughts have the capacity to effect certain things far greater than we've ever imagined. Without even thinking about it. Such is the power of one human being over another. If you let another person influence you so greatly, you'd either be the next success, or the next failure. Depending on who's the influencer, of course. Huntley has friends(male) who were in long-term relationships and now, recently, they have all broken up. One was in a 4-year one. The other, in a 10-year one. Seems like a really long time to me. I do wonder if they broke up out of boredom or otherwise. Well, it's been said that familiarity breeds contempt. How true. But the feelings of belonging and having someone to call your own, is a treasure in itself. I think deep down inside, everyone longs for that even though they don't want to get entangled in affairs of the heart.
Inevitably, when we are hurt by someone, we often turn to someone else for comfort. Our pets sometimes. But it doesn't talk back, it only listens. I don't want my friends to only turn to me when they need some comforting, but at the same time, I'm glad he can turn to me, rather than someone else.
Sometimes it takes that extra effort to get the catalyst effect in motion. Maybe just a few more minutes of listening, instead of worrying about your own things. Maybe just a little less sleep, and the person will be impacted for life. We all need someone to sacrifice for us. But are we also sacrificing? I think it's tiring to just take and take. Giving makes you only want to give more, and more. And if we adults cannot even learn to listen, learn to stop and value above all, human kindness and compassion, how can we learn to be adults at all? Sometimes we can learn from the way kids try to get our attention and tell us enthusiatically about their latest toys, or their day's happenings. We want to catch in the magical moment which reminds us that we once were like them - innocent, not jaded, not cynical about life, just wondering happily about every new chapter.
And I want to be like that too. If some human is too busy to cultivate a real relationship with me, it's pointless to carry on. I think somewhere along the line during their 4 years, their 10 years together, the relationship sort of stopped. When one party stops listening, he stops connecting, he stops communicating, the relationship is gone.
So each time you tell someone you are too busy to listen to him, too tired out to spend some time chatting about the day, you are losing a bit of the magic in your relationship.
You are losing the childlike capacity you have for Life's excitements. Don't forget to share with me. No matter how tired I am, I still want to be there. And I will.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Living with the Muff
You Say it's easy
But who's to say,
That we'd be able to keep it this way.
- Bryan Adams, Straight from the Heart.
Some deep lines. Paradoxical, actually. The "but who's to say" actually refers to "whether we are able to keep it this way", rather than referring to "you saying it's easy."
A moody post.
But anyways, thought this line meaningful especially in light of me and Muffin's recent 'lowdowns'. Or showdowns. I've been perfectly upset. Honestly. And it's not often someone can make cheery me feel that way. After all, it's just a friendship between two people and friendships are supposed to make you feel good (not all the time, ya) but I mean, who is so sadist to keep going out with a friend who is... 'not nice at all'?
I guess at certain junctures, a platonic (I hate that word) friendship between a man and a woman has gotta question itself, just because it's generally not accepted, either in the minds of those around them, or in their own minds. We are close it's true. But in my opinion, not close enough to warrant alarm bells going off. Maybe, as I told him, that he is closer to me than I him. You can have a close physical relationship but maybe not so much, in thoughts. I suppose because of my previous experiences, I find it hard to connect totally and share what's on my mind. Really, this is something I've been working on but I do share almost everything with Muffin.
It takes a lifetime to know me, and the past week has been pretty trying because of the supposedly appropriate boundaries we are supposed to have. That's where me and Muffin are on diverse tangents. I always tell him, 'to be yourself with me, what's the point of having a friendship if we are not ourselves?' And just to do what he likes, and be happy. Generally, I am very content to be in places of non-conflict. That is why I am perturbed that each time we meet, within minutes, a disagreement will take place. And I was sad about that, too. I guess it's his way of guarding me and him, and in light of certain explanations, I'm thankful for that, for having a friend who really cares about what people think if they see us walking slowly in a picturesque place like One Fullerton, gazing at the stars together. Either way, I don't really care what people think. Maybe my attitude is wrong, and we should have a bit of both, but this way, I'm totally open, limitless, free, and this helps me to be the leader I am today.
I don't understand his reasoning, really. For making me walk faster because it's too couple-y to walk slowly in picturesque places. I'm tired out from a day's worth of walking, going to sales calls and the last thing I want to do after work is to rush from place to place. (He apologized after I brought it up, which was sweet.) But I really really don't understand! I mean, I won't like him just because we are walking slowly. Conjecturally, if I like him, I would like him whether or not we are walking fast or slow...and erm, I just don't understand. (Anyways we have agreed to walk slowly from now on, whether or not it seems couple-y. Because if he's going to tell me 'can you walk faster?' in a domineering and mean voice again, his head will meet my shoe.)
One of the strongest reasons why people like each other anyways is because they see themselves in each other, and they also see a part of the other person that complements them. I'm talking about mature people here, not emotional wrecks who seem to like people every other two weeks or so. There are many people I like in this world because of certain qualities they have, but definitely not because of setting the appropriate boundaries, either way. When I realised that Muffin was being mean to me intentionally in case I get emotionally attached to him... sigh. I really don't know what to say. That I'm already emotionally attached, anyways? Or why are you afraid of it? Why not embrace it?
After all, other people cherish deep friendships and look at ours and wish they could have what we have.
I wanted to give up a little and actually not continue meeting Muffin because he is so 'not nice' the last week. It's too trying for me, having to deal with all sorts of people daily and then another one when you are off-work. Sometimes when we disagree I just 'drift off' and remain silent. It's my withdrawal survival mode. I feel sad when we argue. So I keep quiet and actually my mind drifts off to a faraway place. It's wrong, I know. I should be fully present. Not going on space trips like this. But he should also not just jump at me at the smallest detail I am misinformed about.
In the first place, you like each other, that is why you are friends. Right?
And if you are scared that your friend will like you, why don't you pray for her not to?
Sob!
But who's to say,
That we'd be able to keep it this way.
- Bryan Adams, Straight from the Heart.
Some deep lines. Paradoxical, actually. The "but who's to say" actually refers to "whether we are able to keep it this way", rather than referring to "you saying it's easy."
A moody post.
But anyways, thought this line meaningful especially in light of me and Muffin's recent 'lowdowns'. Or showdowns. I've been perfectly upset. Honestly. And it's not often someone can make cheery me feel that way. After all, it's just a friendship between two people and friendships are supposed to make you feel good (not all the time, ya) but I mean, who is so sadist to keep going out with a friend who is... 'not nice at all'?
I guess at certain junctures, a platonic (I hate that word) friendship between a man and a woman has gotta question itself, just because it's generally not accepted, either in the minds of those around them, or in their own minds. We are close it's true. But in my opinion, not close enough to warrant alarm bells going off. Maybe, as I told him, that he is closer to me than I him. You can have a close physical relationship but maybe not so much, in thoughts. I suppose because of my previous experiences, I find it hard to connect totally and share what's on my mind. Really, this is something I've been working on but I do share almost everything with Muffin.
It takes a lifetime to know me, and the past week has been pretty trying because of the supposedly appropriate boundaries we are supposed to have. That's where me and Muffin are on diverse tangents. I always tell him, 'to be yourself with me, what's the point of having a friendship if we are not ourselves?' And just to do what he likes, and be happy. Generally, I am very content to be in places of non-conflict. That is why I am perturbed that each time we meet, within minutes, a disagreement will take place. And I was sad about that, too. I guess it's his way of guarding me and him, and in light of certain explanations, I'm thankful for that, for having a friend who really cares about what people think if they see us walking slowly in a picturesque place like One Fullerton, gazing at the stars together. Either way, I don't really care what people think. Maybe my attitude is wrong, and we should have a bit of both, but this way, I'm totally open, limitless, free, and this helps me to be the leader I am today.
I don't understand his reasoning, really. For making me walk faster because it's too couple-y to walk slowly in picturesque places. I'm tired out from a day's worth of walking, going to sales calls and the last thing I want to do after work is to rush from place to place. (He apologized after I brought it up, which was sweet.) But I really really don't understand! I mean, I won't like him just because we are walking slowly. Conjecturally, if I like him, I would like him whether or not we are walking fast or slow...and erm, I just don't understand. (Anyways we have agreed to walk slowly from now on, whether or not it seems couple-y. Because if he's going to tell me 'can you walk faster?' in a domineering and mean voice again, his head will meet my shoe.)
One of the strongest reasons why people like each other anyways is because they see themselves in each other, and they also see a part of the other person that complements them. I'm talking about mature people here, not emotional wrecks who seem to like people every other two weeks or so. There are many people I like in this world because of certain qualities they have, but definitely not because of setting the appropriate boundaries, either way. When I realised that Muffin was being mean to me intentionally in case I get emotionally attached to him... sigh. I really don't know what to say. That I'm already emotionally attached, anyways? Or why are you afraid of it? Why not embrace it?
After all, other people cherish deep friendships and look at ours and wish they could have what we have.
I wanted to give up a little and actually not continue meeting Muffin because he is so 'not nice' the last week. It's too trying for me, having to deal with all sorts of people daily and then another one when you are off-work. Sometimes when we disagree I just 'drift off' and remain silent. It's my withdrawal survival mode. I feel sad when we argue. So I keep quiet and actually my mind drifts off to a faraway place. It's wrong, I know. I should be fully present. Not going on space trips like this. But he should also not just jump at me at the smallest detail I am misinformed about.
In the first place, you like each other, that is why you are friends. Right?
And if you are scared that your friend will like you, why don't you pray for her not to?
Sob!
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Put down your stones (continued)
Put down your stones, continued. Please read previous post.
She made a thousand choices that led, inevitably, inexorably to a moment like this.
Let's pause for a moment.
The point that the author(John)of the biblical text where this story was written is actually not about the adulterous woman, but more about the 'righteous men' trying to ensnare Jesus in a sort of inescapable situation. Frankly, they were looking for something to accuse him of.
The Law says she should be stoned. The Roman authorities had forbidden the Jewish authorities from executing anyone. It's a Catch-22 situation. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
So the Jewish leaders, much like the church leaders of today, just stand there, all looking smartly dressed in their black suits and expensive ties and shoes, just formal enough to be recognized as 'leaders'. They don't make a decision. They just stand there, with the awful words they have just spoken, ringing in the woman's head. "This woman... was caught in the act..."
Let's pause for a moment before you judge them too quickly. Are you holding a stone in your hand right now? We are most 'scandalized' by sins of the flesh. Jesus was most scandalized by sins of the spirit. It's not possible to love God and to despise people. A heart enslaved by coldness does not even notice how insidious the sins of the spirit can be. You just walk through life with a stone in your hand. Judgemental thoughts. A superior attitude. Impatient words. Bitter resentments. One thing the community of stone-throwers enjoyed: passing judgement on the spiritual inferiority of others. They looked forward to it. A woman is caught in adultery. Other people/leaders in the church talk about it. "Did you hear? What a shame. The poor children. How could she?" They shake their heads, disapprovingly. The stones will kill. What might our community look like if nobody in it were to pick up a stone?
So there they stand. Imagine with me. A woman, shivering, waiting to die. Her judges, with stones in their hands; and Jesus. The stone throwers ask him: "What do you say?"
Jesus does a curious thing. He bends down and starts writing on the sand. It bothers them, this act. He doesn't seem to be paying any attention to them. He writes, on and on. The Bible doesn't say what he was writing, so we have to guess. Maybe Jesus was a 'doodler', scribbling on the sand. Maybe he was writing the Ten Commandments.
Jesus stands up and speaks:"Go ahead and stone her. That's what the Law says. Just one rule: Let the man without sin go first."
One intruguing idea (dating back to the fifth century) was that Jesus was writing down the names of the sins of the leaders in the group. For instance: "Standing at the window watching adultery take place a lot longer than was necessary to gather evidence..." Whatever he is writing, he confronts these men with a decision. Throw stones if you want. It's your call. Condemn her. Pass judgement. But make sure you are sinless yourself. Just remember that sinful people are in no position to throw stones.
Then an amazing thing happens. Somebody lets go of his stone. Then another. And yet another. Maybe their hearts melt a little and they become more human. Maybe they remember when they first started out as leaders, young, and passionate, and in the life-saving business. Maybe they remember how it is like to stand in the need for forgiveness. None of the stones get thrown in anger. There is no room in Jesus' community for throwing stones. All of us are too broken.
You know the end of the story. No stones get thrown. It's a happy ending for the woman, whose sins lead to other inevitable sins. Deceit. Betrayal. Finally, despair.
Go and sin no more. Said Jesus. He was the only one who had the right to throw a stone. But he did not. Instead, he accepted her. Acceptance is not the same as tolerance. He did not fail to confront and to speak the truth in love. He helped her, by showing her how to heal. For the woman to fully examine her acceptance will require entering into a new way of life. The same grace that liberates her from past sin calls her to walk FREE of them in the future.
Radical acceptance.
Imagine being known as one who will never pick up a stone.
==
For me, it was a happy ending too. I learnt that there was truly no condemnation in The Church. After a six month period of healing, I still became a leader. Just that I was a very different one. Sometimes I wonder why do I have to go through these experiences. I guess it makes me a better leader. More importantly, I won't pick up any stones to throw at anyone.
Though my story is different, in essence it is the same.
Will my future husband throw a stone at me? I learnt how to be faithful to my husband, before even meeting him, in anticipation of the 'forever' we must learn to cherish.
No matter what.
Gratefully taken from the chapter "Put down your stones: Acceptance" from John Ortberg's "Everybody's normal until you get to know them." I've used lots of liberties and added my own personal touch so it's not my thoughts, but I'm just deeply inspired to share these chapters in my life right now. There is no better time, anyway.
She made a thousand choices that led, inevitably, inexorably to a moment like this.
Let's pause for a moment.
The point that the author(John)of the biblical text where this story was written is actually not about the adulterous woman, but more about the 'righteous men' trying to ensnare Jesus in a sort of inescapable situation. Frankly, they were looking for something to accuse him of.
The Law says she should be stoned. The Roman authorities had forbidden the Jewish authorities from executing anyone. It's a Catch-22 situation. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
So the Jewish leaders, much like the church leaders of today, just stand there, all looking smartly dressed in their black suits and expensive ties and shoes, just formal enough to be recognized as 'leaders'. They don't make a decision. They just stand there, with the awful words they have just spoken, ringing in the woman's head. "This woman... was caught in the act..."
Let's pause for a moment before you judge them too quickly. Are you holding a stone in your hand right now? We are most 'scandalized' by sins of the flesh. Jesus was most scandalized by sins of the spirit. It's not possible to love God and to despise people. A heart enslaved by coldness does not even notice how insidious the sins of the spirit can be. You just walk through life with a stone in your hand. Judgemental thoughts. A superior attitude. Impatient words. Bitter resentments. One thing the community of stone-throwers enjoyed: passing judgement on the spiritual inferiority of others. They looked forward to it. A woman is caught in adultery. Other people/leaders in the church talk about it. "Did you hear? What a shame. The poor children. How could she?" They shake their heads, disapprovingly. The stones will kill. What might our community look like if nobody in it were to pick up a stone?
So there they stand. Imagine with me. A woman, shivering, waiting to die. Her judges, with stones in their hands; and Jesus. The stone throwers ask him: "What do you say?"
Jesus does a curious thing. He bends down and starts writing on the sand. It bothers them, this act. He doesn't seem to be paying any attention to them. He writes, on and on. The Bible doesn't say what he was writing, so we have to guess. Maybe Jesus was a 'doodler', scribbling on the sand. Maybe he was writing the Ten Commandments.
Jesus stands up and speaks:"Go ahead and stone her. That's what the Law says. Just one rule: Let the man without sin go first."
One intruguing idea (dating back to the fifth century) was that Jesus was writing down the names of the sins of the leaders in the group. For instance: "Standing at the window watching adultery take place a lot longer than was necessary to gather evidence..." Whatever he is writing, he confronts these men with a decision. Throw stones if you want. It's your call. Condemn her. Pass judgement. But make sure you are sinless yourself. Just remember that sinful people are in no position to throw stones.
Then an amazing thing happens. Somebody lets go of his stone. Then another. And yet another. Maybe their hearts melt a little and they become more human. Maybe they remember when they first started out as leaders, young, and passionate, and in the life-saving business. Maybe they remember how it is like to stand in the need for forgiveness. None of the stones get thrown in anger. There is no room in Jesus' community for throwing stones. All of us are too broken.
You know the end of the story. No stones get thrown. It's a happy ending for the woman, whose sins lead to other inevitable sins. Deceit. Betrayal. Finally, despair.
Go and sin no more. Said Jesus. He was the only one who had the right to throw a stone. But he did not. Instead, he accepted her. Acceptance is not the same as tolerance. He did not fail to confront and to speak the truth in love. He helped her, by showing her how to heal. For the woman to fully examine her acceptance will require entering into a new way of life. The same grace that liberates her from past sin calls her to walk FREE of them in the future.
Radical acceptance.
Imagine being known as one who will never pick up a stone.
==
For me, it was a happy ending too. I learnt that there was truly no condemnation in The Church. After a six month period of healing, I still became a leader. Just that I was a very different one. Sometimes I wonder why do I have to go through these experiences. I guess it makes me a better leader. More importantly, I won't pick up any stones to throw at anyone.
Though my story is different, in essence it is the same.
Will my future husband throw a stone at me? I learnt how to be faithful to my husband, before even meeting him, in anticipation of the 'forever' we must learn to cherish.
No matter what.
Gratefully taken from the chapter "Put down your stones: Acceptance" from John Ortberg's "Everybody's normal until you get to know them." I've used lots of liberties and added my own personal touch so it's not my thoughts, but I'm just deeply inspired to share these chapters in my life right now. There is no better time, anyway.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
